d e f y i n g r a v i t y

o___O

2012-01-29T22:30:00.000-08:00

Oh, hello!

It's been awhile, yes? A lot has happened. A lot is happening. A lot is changing. As is life, no? Full of happenings and change and such?

Last year was amazing. Then I moved back home. And I was greeted with grief and sadness. And more grief and sadness and I was just a broken mess. Life is funny like that, all your dreams could come true one minute and the next you're just a pile of brokeness. Sometimes it's hard to find the will to pick yourself back up and sometimes it's hard not to fixate your day on finding answers. Asking questions no one has answers to.

I think for the most part I've blocked it out. Pushed it away. But not without feeling guilt. But what else can I do? I would still be a mess if I let it get to me. My husband on the other hand, is in a bit of denial.

Our princess cat loved him. She loved him to bits. They were napping buddies from the day she arrived here. The very first day. You could tell she fell in love with him. And when he would leave after staying here for a few days she would sleep by the door of the guest room and not move. And my mom says she was like that when I left last year too. I tried to come home to see her for my birthday, but it didn't work out. I was angry at first, but thinking back on it, I think I would be even more heartbroken if I had to leave her again and find out she died a few months later. I just wish I had been able to tell her I was coming back. I was almost home. I was a week too late. I think she's still here sometimes, I'll see a wisp of where she would be when I walk into the dark hallway. Husband will here a meow outside the bathroom door (as always). My puppy will bark at the empty spots where she would always be.

*sad smile*

Other than that, school has been... kicking us down. Trying to get back into the swing of things. It's weird, being back here.

Haven't been too into the makeup scene lately. Nothing is really catching my eye these days. I miss the days when MAC was new and interesting and exciting! Now it's like everything is a re-promote. Ho hum. I am excited for the Vera collection though! Then again I'm excited for any collection that has to do with crushed pigments :)

What? It's December?!

2010-12-03T23:59:00.000-08:00

When the hell did that happen?!

I can't believe it's already December!

I'm that much closer to moving and I'm getting more and more homesick. It's crazy. I get to live my dream. My DREAM and I'm being homesick. I'm envious of my husband right now, he's nothing else but excited. Then again I guess nothing can be as bad as the military. It's been really really cold lately and I haven't really felt like doing anything but cuddle under a fluffy blanket and read. I'm loving all this Christmasy stuff. I'm loving Seattles Best's Peppermint Mocha and Bath & Body Works Twisted Peppermint body lotion. mMm!

I have a ton of cleaning to do and packing. I don't know where to even begin. I'm losing my train of thought lol. Husband is watching Message in a Bottle which is my ultimate favorite Nicolas Sparks book.

I hate how I want to blog but I never know what to say.

Allergies.... in Autumn?!

2010-10-09T21:24:00.000-07:00

The seasons are changing and with that come.... allergies and a slight cold. Wait for it... I know it's coming! I'm super excited for the turn of the season, this is my favorite time of the year! Husband let me take a little trip to Sephora a few days ago to pick up a Philosophy bath set (that smells delicious) that I've been begging for (I even made up a song so he wouldn't forget)! I was going to grab a lippie set too, but I figured I didn't need it. I love Philosophy's lippies but I never seem to finish them. I finished one. They were putting out the Christmas gift sets already and I'm super excited about those!

I know, I've been MIA for a long period of time. A lot has happened and a lot has changed since I was last here. I'm not annoucing anything until the date comes closer :) but it's incredibly exciting news! And I'm very excited for it! I'm going to be doing a huge blog sale soon because I realize I have a ton of products that I haven't even touched since I got it. Insane. I'm trying to inch my way back into reviewing makeup but husband doesn't think it's a good idea (of course lol). But I am having a blast with my book blog :).

I got a new camera! The Canon PowerShot S90! I'm excited about it. It's a point and shoot that acts like a dSLR, at least, that's what I hear and see with the pictures on Flickr. I'm excited to test it out! I decided against the upgrade, the S95 because it didn't seem like much of an upgrade and for $60 extra, I could do without it's upgrades.

What else? This post is getting much too long. I need to get my blogs much more organized!

What is with all this spam?!

2010-07-21T15:20:00.000-07:00

I go through my comments and I find that only 2 comments out of 9 aren't spam. What is up with all this spam?! I have word verification and everything! Ugh, it's so frustrating to have to go through and delete all of them.

Anyway, my fourth class at UoP ended last Monday. I'm starting a new class this Monday and I haven't even met the teacher yet. In fact, our discussion page isn't even set up yet so she took the time to email everyone the syllabus. Why? Because we have an essay due, the first day of class. About three chapters we're suppose to read.

Why, nice to meet you too!

Ugh. Sometimes I think college isn't for me. But I do love this school and I am excited for my career, so I just have to shut up and suck it up.

My Amazon order isn't coming in this week, which means I get no new books this week. Well that's not completely true. I got 3 books this week so far for review, one of which I'm really excited to read (Siren by Tricia Rayburn). I also got an email back from Penguin Publishing finally and they approved my request for the two ARC's I wanted. So I'm excited about that as well! Now if only I could get an email back from HarperTeen...

I've realized that I spore up and my brain turns into mush in the summer. It's just too freakin hot to think or do anything. I can't wait until Fall, that's when I wake up and start getting creative. I love cool and cold weather!

I wish I had asked my dad to get me a chocolate parfait... darn.

I'm in such a blah mood.

2010-07-18T17:28:00.000-07:00

I've been so horrible at blogging lately. I guess it's because I have wayy too many blogs to even attempt to keep up with and I just feel so... obligated. Plus it's summer and summer just isn't my favorite time of the year. I hate summer! I've been so lazy lately, all I ever feel like doing is sleeping and reading.

I've got a few books that I recieved for review and I'm lagging behind on them because I'm reading the new releases instead. Ack! So many books, not enough time or brain space to read them! I've recently found that I enjoy review books much more than I like reviewing makeup...

Speaking of, I've been racking my brain to find a way to get me back into blogging on in her closet. I know it started off as a makeup blog, but I don't really want it to stay a makeup blog. I named it "in her closet" so I could branch off and write reviews on other things that really matter to me, after all it is my blog, I should be able to review whatever I want, right?

I do have a seperate book blog floating around blogspot so I wasn't sure if I would throw in book reviews, though I might, because it's something I'm into right now and besides, I do store them in my closet, literally. Don't get me wrong, I still want to review makeup, but just not as much... gah, I hope this makes sense... or maybe I'm just rambling... I also want to go back to blogging here too... I miss it here! I haven't had much of a desire to blog at my domain, I just really have no idea why it's there...

I need a vacation. From all this blogging stuff lol.

School is getting harder. I mean, I knew it would, we're not really noobs anymore, we're getting into the more serious classes, but I didn't expect it to kick my ass like this... like right now, I'm suppose to be turning in my final assignment. I should be glad I have a final assignment and not a final. I just hate how once you actually start to get what the class is about, you're off to the next class. *sigh.

Hello :)

2010-05-20T00:36:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a really long while since I've last blogged here, I've been super busy (as you can see my beauty blog and youtube have been a bit neglected too). I've been so wrapped up with school (I go to two different colleges), my newest projects and figuring out this marriage thing and still finding time to myself to stay sane! The good news is, after next week is summer break. Whoohoo!! I'm super excited about that! I get a bit more time to myself. Unless I find a summer job (like I kinda plan to, it would leave me even less time to work on my projects but I do need the money this summer)...

So I hope to update this mid next week since this weekend is going to be super busy. What have you all been up to lately?

Cramps.

2010-02-17T02:39:00.000-08:00

G O O D N E S S ! ! ! !

I took Midol 6 hours ago, 12 hour relief my ass!! I'm having really really bad stomach cramps right now, I'm literally curled up on my chair and all I wanna do is sleep!!! This is so unfair!!! :(

Owwie!

Valentines Day.

2010-02-08T12:43:00.000-08:00

Valentines Day is coming up. And its one of my favorite holidays and I wish I had time to get into the holiday spirit, but considering our debt and our bills, its hardly anything I'm excited about. We're thinking of ways to resolve this debt situation which sucks big time, but it is our fault for putting ourselves in this situation. I need to realize that the things I do to hurt other people end up just hurting myself in the end.

But just because we dont have much money this Valentines Day doesnt mean it has to be a shitty one, right? Our first Valentines Day together, I wasnt expecting anything at all. I never had a Valentine before my husband (17 and never had a Valentine? How sad. My boyfriend's always broke up with me before holidays, jerks). I was surprised when we got to my house and he had a stuffed animal, a huge box of chocolates and a card for me! I had only gotten him a card and the Queen of the Damned CD (because I broke his on accident... it was in his pocket and I sat on his lap. Srsly who keeps their CD's in their pockets?! Anyway, that CD was later stolen by his older brother. Ugh). And we cooked dinner together (Hamburger Helper)! We were broke high school students.

So why cant things be like that now? Just because now I'm 24 and not 17 doesnt mean that he has to go all out and buy me Tiffany & Co (or in my case, Wicked tickets) or anything flashy and pricey. We're still together, we're still so much in love, we still care about each other and we're not married. Shouldnt just being together be enough? I dont know where I got this crazy idea that now that we're older it should be more "grown up".

Truth is, if he got me nothing at all, I dont think I would mind. I just want to spend the day with him. Curled up on the couch watching Food Network like we do all the time. I just want tight hugs and forehead kisses.

Though, some Ferro Rocher wouldnt hurt :)

I dont know what our plans are for this year, maybe the usual. Todai for lunch and just being together after. Or maybe skipping Todai, not sure yet. But I do know I have to go grab a gift for mom and dad and husband before everything is sold out! I didnt realize Valentines Day was coming so fast already!

A piece of me in: February 10'

2010-02-07T13:42:00.000-08:00

OMG I cant believe I forgot about this! I was thinking about it all last month too!

I like:

My new Palm Pixi!!
That Nicolas Dromard and Neka Zang remember me by name!
That Valentines Day is coming up, its my favorite holiday!

I dont like:

Our bills situation...
That its still been freezing cold!
I dont have enough time to update my blogs lately.

I want you to know:

I've been super super busy lately!
I hope to stay home an entire weekend sometime so that I can update my blog layouts!

I've planned:

To change my last name next week.... finally!
To change my blog layouts.
To attend a new school, I really hope it works out.
To still see Wicked once a month :)
To sell A BUNCH of my makeup that I have not used or even touched! <<>

I want to say to someone special:

I love that we're married. I loved that you were alright with driving all the way to SF yesterday just because I missed Eddy on Wednesday. I love that even though you're not as obsessed with Wicked as I am, you still talk to Neka and Nicolas with me. I love that you support all that I do and I love that you love supporting me. I'm sorry I've been snappy lately, somethings just making me unhappy and I dont know what it is! But thank you for taking time to calm me down and kissing away all the worries. I love you. Always.

I got my Palm Pixi!!!

2010-02-03T12:11:00.001-08:00

YES! Husband finally gave in yesterday before class and I got my adorable Palm Pixi and we switched phone providers! He got himself an HTC Hero, which is pretty awesome. It has A LOT more apps than the Pixi does. I'm so excited! We can watch TV, download apps, steam Pandora and a bunch of other stuff on our phones. Yayyy!

I'm going to mourn the Wicked today for the 4th time, I'm pretty excited. I always get excited when I see Wicked haha! It's Eddy & Patty's last week so I'm hoping to be able to chit chat with Eddy for a bit and grab a picture with him before he leaves us!

I'm planning to redo all my blogger layouts and get a domain up for my beauty blog sometime soon, I just havent really had time to do anything lately. Even with classes only 2 days a week, I feel like I dont have any time since most things we have to do, are closed on the weekends, booo!

Alright, time to get ready, I wanna grab some $1 oatmeal at Jamba Juice today :)

Busy :(

2010-02-02T01:54:00.001-08:00

I suck. I've been trying my best to update my blogs and send off packages and all this other stuff and there just arent enough hours in a day or days in a week to get everything I want to get done, done!

Tried to get classes this semester, which was hard because 1) ALL the classes filled up within 8 hours of the sign ups opening... which is crazy, I've never experienced that before 2) people were circling around the overflow parking lot like it was one of the main 4 parking lots my school has... which means... no parking, not much hope in getting a class 3) the teachers decided this semester they're going to give priority to their previous students. Wonderful. The 23 out of the 26 of us who WERENT a previous student didnt have a shot at the 3 slots open for late add. Wonderful. So yes, this semester pretty much sucks.

On the upside, I have a PE class that I've taken for the last 4yrs. No need to spend extra money on books! And it'll get me semi ready for my PT training.

Other than that, been trying to find a job, trying to find time to change my last name since we FINALLY got our marriage license, trying to figure out what to do about our bills (why do men make stupid decisions without thinking first?!), been trying not to start screaming and bashing my head against the wall (that sounds like it would be a GREAT way to get rid of this stress, except for, I'll probably end up with a HUGE headache) and since the weather is nicer now, husband is going to start prepping me for the Air Force.

Yes, I'm joining the military.

And the first thing that popped into my head? Who's going to maintain my emails and blogs?! Of course, my husband being the loving amazing person he is (when hes not being lazy), offered.

Why am I joining the military? Well for one, I was suppose to join after high school (to the Army) but my mom made a big deal about it for some reason and wouldnt let it go, so I ended up not going. And I kinda regret it, I think I shoulda had just gone anyway. So, I've always wanted to go. Besides, I think it'll be good for me. Like I told my husband, its like throwing a princess into the military, I need to un-princess myself. And I think if I get through this, I'll believe in myself more. I'll be so proud of myself for once. My life will be much more organized and I wont feel like I'm doing nothing in life. I think it'll be a GREAT learning experience for me. And an exciting journey.

I'm part of the 3% of Americans that suffer from full blown OCD, and I'd also love to be part of the 3% of Americans that arent afraid to join the military. Wouldnt that be wonderful? To be part of two different statistics completely opposite of each other?

Grrr cold weather, grrr!!

2010-01-29T18:21:00.000-08:00

I dont hate cold weather (I had to delete my previous sentence lol!) but I'm not loving it at the moment either. It was nice and warm and sunny when I was getting ready for school yesterday morning. Well, on our way to school, as soon as we crossed the bridge, there it was... fog.

Today it was really dark and cloudy, which is probably why I slept til 1:30PM, it didnt look like daytime just yet! Argh. And then, as soon as I decide to record a video (finally, after a month of not recording any videos), it starts raining. And it gets darker outside. There goes my brilliant idea to record a video. I need better lighting in my room! Grr.

I'm also not liking the cold weather right now because... cold weather makes me pee a lot! I know its not just me who has this problem! Seriously, during the winter, I pee like every 15 minutes. I'm not even kidding. It's so frustrating!

I have a ton to do today, and I know a ton of things wont get done... my OCD is acting up, big time due to stress and bills (at least I'm aware!) so, that sucks. I'm hoping to push through it later tonight and just get some cleaning done anyway. I need to.

I got my ears flushed (FINALLY) the other day. Everything is like 5 times louder. It's kinda weird. I'll post a blog about it on the beauty blog sometime soon (hopefully later tonight or tomorrow).

My spending is coming to an end...

2010-01-24T19:56:00.000-08:00

I grew up spoiled. I know I did. I dont act like a spoiled brat but I do expect to get everything I want. Yes, I grew up spoiled. I grew up a Daddy's Girl but for a good portion of my life, the money I spent was money I earned myself. I've been paying my bills since I was 17. Phone bill, internet, etc. And that was with a $6.75/hour job at KFC. I never had to buy food, on the upside lol!

Now that I'm older, it's a little harder. The things I want are more expensive. I'm out of a job right now and no one in my area is hiring, so things are a little hard. Scratch that, they're extremely hard right now. In fact, right now, I feel like screaming my fuckin head off.

Married. Broke. In debt.

Not exactly the glamorous newlywed year you expect. Or plan out in your dreams. I'm sure no one wakes up thinking "oh man when I get married, I want to be broke and in debt!" but who am I to blame for this? But myself? The wedding did play a pretty big part in this. In fact, had there been no wedding I probably wouldnt had struck out my last remaining credit card. But life never turns out the way you want. Everything you do is a crossroad, is a stepping stone and is a fork in the road. Its just harder to know you're making the right decision when you dont know the outcome of the situation in front of you.

My husband says he may not re-enlist. And this worries me, it worries me because I dont see how we'll survive if one of us doesnt enlist. It worries me because I know if he's not in something solid, hes likely to slack off and sit around all day playing video games instead of doing something productive. And it also worries me because I'll be enlisting.

Military is something I had planned on doing after I graduated high school. And a huge part of me wishes I had just gone and dove right into it after high school. Maybe I would had skipped OCD, nervous breakdowns and debt. Maybe I wouldnt had passed Boot Camp and spent my whole life feeling sorry for myself. I want to enlist. I think if I make it through Basic, I'll come out so much more prouder of myself. I'll know I can get through anything. I know it will benefit me psychologically. I know it will be a wonderful experience and I know I'll feel proud of myself. Of my life. And I can sit here, and imagine how wonderful that would be. To feel that way. But being at the starting line, I cant help but be... scared. Scared because no matter what my friends who have been through Basic or my husband, their words can be helpful, but nothing can really prepare me for what is to come when I get there. I know I'll be extremely homesick. I know I'll miss my bed, my room, the carpet on my floor, my car that I hate, my dog, my cat, my hamster... I know I'll miss my husband, picking up the phone and calling him for no reason, I'll miss blogger and checking my email and listening to itunes. I'll miss being up-to-date with Wicked or Glee or the newest MAC collection.

And it makes me think I cant do it. There's no way I can do it. Not to mention the physical part. The PT tests. I cant run, at all. I can do push ups but I cant run. There's a chance I might have asthma, and it would crush me to find out if I do.

I'm sorry if this entry doesnt make sense. But I just had to talk. I dont feel any better, but at least I got some of it out.

And the entry was totally drifting away from the title, sorry about that.

I take that back...

2010-01-20T16:29:00.000-08:00

I thought it was almost Spring...!

The weather has been really cold and icky lately. It storms like crazy in the morning. I saw flashes of lightning on the freeway yesterday (finally! I'm a huge fan of lightning, I've been waiting for a year and a half for lightning around here) and now we're getting tornado warnings... in California?! Earthquakes sure, that's nothing new but TORNADOS?!

Is it bad that if I were caught in a tornado I would totally be looking forward to landing in the wonderful world of Oz? Maybe I can tell the Wizard he isnt wonderful and I can tell Glinda it's okay that Fiyero ran off with Elphaba and her travel bubble is awesome and that the Tinman is my hero? Okay maybe those were more of Wicked refrences, but still.

Anywayyy...

School starts this week but my classes dont start til next week. I'm hoping it doesnt still storm next week. Finding parking the first week of school is hard enough without a storm distracting you.

Its almost SPRING!

2010-01-15T13:21:00.000-08:00

Normally, I'm a winter person. I love winter. But this last winter, I've came to realize... I hate winter! Maybe not hate, hate may be too harsh of a word. But I realized I dont love it as much as I use to. And that's kinda depressing to find out lol.

Lately the nights have been freezing cold but the mornings have been warm. Spring warm, and its just such a nice and refreshing feeling! Spring always makes the air smell happier and cleaner, there's pink & red everywhere because Valentines Day is just right around the corner and the sun is out! I dont know, maybe its just me lol.

I know I've been MIA from this blog, I've been trying to get back into blogging. Really, I have! But I just never really know what to say. I think I've taken up way too many projects than I can handle. Not only that but looking for a job and not getting the classes I wanted this semester (seriously, it was up for like 10 hours and all the classes I wanted fill up! this is insane!) and that bet I made with Martin about getting my room clean by the end of January... its just... blah. I just want to sit here, and do nothing for a week!

We finally cleaned out our safe that we've had for years (and havent touched). I found a bath bomb from grad night in there. Would it still be safe to use a 6 year old bath bomb? I found our bank statements and bills from 2004. Letters we wrote to each other, my first 3.3 Digital Camera, pay stubs from old jobs.... goodness, there was just all sorts of things in there! But now its nice and cleaned out and all of our new stuff is in there. I'm planning on putting the letters we sent each other while he was in basic in there too.

Speaking of, being married still doesnt feel any different. We still dont live together (and I dont see it happening any time soon thanks to debt) so that might be a huge reason why. I just sent in the request for our marriage license like literally, yesterday. I havent changed my last name yet, and I'm really not looking forward to all the paper work and phone calls that need to be made in order to do that. But things have been good. I wanted a new phone the other day (we're switching providers) and he put his foot down and said no. Grrr, I was literally heartbroken! I want that phone!

I'm itching to learn how to make layouts for WordPress, but it's so hard to figure out. I cant even edit a simple template without ruining the whole thing. I'm hoping to get something going soon. I use to be so good at learning this stuff!

Oh! I finally got my moleskine's! I'm thinking of turning one into a scrapbook type of thing, I dont know what to do with the other one though... any idea's?

A piece of me in: January 10'

2010-01-03T02:23:00.000-08:00

I like:

That the wedding chaos is finally over!!!
That I had a wonderful holiday this year
That I got married!

I dont like:

Being in debt thanks to said wedding lol
That I have Jury Duty for the first time ever this month (wth is Jury Duty anyway)
Winter. Thought I'd never say it but this cold is just too much for me!

I want you to know:

I am SO glad to had met such wonderful people on blogger and youtube this passed year. It's been such a great experience! You're all wonderful!
That I plan to update as frequently as I can! Since I havent been hauling, my beauty blog wont be updated as much as it use to be, but I have some changes in mind that I'm excited about!

I've planned:

To continue to make jewelry, no matter how discouraged I get!
To fulfill majority of my New Years resolutions (the ones I'm certain on)
To go back to work (even though I really really really dont want to)
Set a day a week to update if I should be unable to update frequently
To sell A BUNCH of my makeup that I have not used or even touched!

I want to say to someone special:

I wish we'd keep in touch more, ever since you got married you've been ignoring me and that sucks. Its odd we're not keeping in touch and I cant help but wonder why.

Goodbye 2009!

2010-01-01T12:33:00.000-08:00

Another year has flown passed me and it still freaks me out how fast time is flying. 2009 wasnt bad but it wasnt great either. But it has been the best in the last few years :)

The friends I hung out with in 2008 were pretty non existent in 2009. Martin and I didnt have one huge fight in 2009 :) we've been doing great and that's a pretty good accomplishment lol. I started my paid blogging and I was rejected and accepted by lots of companies. I hit over 100 subscribers on youtube. I made a bunch of really really great friends over youtube and blogger. I got to go to Disneyland for my birthday (even though I missed Blue Bayou thanks to a stupid migraine). I discovered Wicked (and got to see it twice). I networked with my favorite makeup company through Twitter. I found a friendship with my favorite Wicked musical actor. I got to see the 70th anniversary of Wizard of Oz in theaters. I got my first CT Scan, which was gross and scary but something I had to do. My best friend became my fiance. I got a taste of the military spouse life and let me tell you... it wasnt so sweet. But I think it did amazing things to our relationship and it was an incredible experience for both of us. I got a nice reality slap of how much he really does care about me. I discovered how amazing and caring my sister is even if she was a total pain when she was younger. I planned an ENTIRE wedding in two months, I think that's a huge accomplishment in itself! I discovered Glee! I became more of myself (meaning I spent more money on books and less money on makeup). I realized that my parents arent always against me and how much they care. My mom bought me a hamster (which is so odd since she gets mad when I bring home hamsters, but since Martin was gone I guess she figured I needed the company which I am so thankful for). My dad insisted on helping me pay for my wedding :). I watched more movies this year than I did any other year. I had the best Christmas ever! I GOT MARRIED to my bestest friend. I fulfilled my 8 year dream of eating at Serendipity. I got to see Las Vegas during the holidays. I got to see my amazing cousin for two days straight :). I got to spend New Years Eve with my husband who helped me put together my traditional 12 round fruits, jump up and down with coins and gave me the most loving kiss at midnight.

Not much con's of 2009 are coming to mind, that's pretty amazing. Besides not having a job all year (by choice, so that's not really a con), getting more in debt and not being able to clean out my room... I have nothing bad to say about 2009. For the most part, I've been happy this passed year. What more could you ask for?

I dont really have any resolutions for this year, at least nothing huge and big. The usual...

- Eat at 5 new restaurants
- Disneyland for our honeymoon!
- Get rid of half of my debt
- Learn how to use my camera right
- Learn WordPress/CSS
- Listen to more music!
- Study Wicca
- Prepare to enlist into the USAF

And of course, to be a good wife. I am so lucky to have an amazing best friend and husband by my side. Who's never given up on me no matter how stubborn, bratty, grumpy I am and no matter how much I dont listen. He never gets mad at me, he never blames me, he never screams at me. I wish I could be as good to him as he is to me (which is so hard because I'm super selfish, grr). I still cant believe I GOT MARRIED! I still cant believe that I'm a WIFE. I'm not his girlfriend anymore, I'm his WIFE. Nothing has changed, it doesnt feel different at all... but just knowing the title changed and I added one more ring to my finger is just... still hard to believe. I dont think it's fully hit the both of us yet.

Things with the military didnt work out, right now. And it is kinda odd that we're married but suddenly we're unprepared... but its not like we woke up one day and said "hey, lets go get married" or anything. And though maybe the timing wasnt right, I dont think I'll ever regret it. I'm married to someone I knew I would eventually marry and to someone I couldnt see my life without. So we're married. So we're not moving out for awhile, so what? We're happy, and that's all that should really matter.

The Airforce should watch out, we're both going to get its ass good next time :).

The lazy newly married couple

To my husband, thank you for loving me this passed year (and all the other years before, but hey lets focus on the 2009 part, k?). Thank you for your never ending support. Thank you for jumping at every chance you could get with helping me with my blogger or recording/editing my videos or with my OCD. I'm proud of you for leaving me for the military, even though it didnt work out (and you're not a failure, you're still my airman) words cant express how proud I am of you! How proud I'll always be of you. How happy I was when you came home! Thank you for being so caring and loving in everything you do, in every situation between us you handle. For not being mad that I dont know EXACTLY how your favorite video game characters look and for keeping me grounded. For understanding me when I dont even understand myself, for kissing away the worries and rubbing the stress away from my forehead. For helping me wash dishes and make the night easier on my parents last night. Thank you for never letting go of my hand, even during the times I try to shake you off the hardest. For being excited over silly things with me. For knowing how important Serendipity is to me. For encouraging me to push my limits and to be better than I was yesterday. I owe my life to you, you didnt have to save me 6 years ago and you didnt have to KEEP saving me 6 years later. But I thank you. I thank you so much. You have no idea how much you mean to me and how thankful I am for you.

I love you best friend. I've always loved you. I will always continue to love you. I'm so happy to be your wife. I'm yours forever. I hope you're ready for a lifetime of crazy OCD-ness! That's all I got, everything else (compulsive shopping, hoarding, doubting myself) you already got under control :).

Busy busy busy!

2009-12-23T12:09:00.000-08:00

My wedding is in a few days. A. FEW. DAYS. As in... today next week, I'll be married. That is so insane to think about! I'm seriously freaking out. I feel like I'm too young (even though I'm not), I'm not ready, etc etc. He's excited though, isnt it suppose to be the other way around?! Isnt that guy suppose to be nervous and the girl's suppose to be excited?! Goodness. I know why I hate the idea of marriage so I guess it's no surprise I feel like this. But I am excited to be marry him. It's just so weird, I cant help but think back to when we were just friends trying to piss each other off at school. And to when we started getting closer and he'd tell me everything to the first hug, the first time we held hands and our first kiss.

He's still my best friend after all these years, he's literally my best friend. I tell him everything. He reads me so well and sometimes that can suck but most of the time, its comforting to know someone cares about you enough to be concerned about how you feel.

With the wedding coming up quick, we havent even packed! I dont even know what I'm going to pack! I have a ton of things to do, and no time to do them (I blame Christmas for taking up two days lol). Hopefully I get everything done before we leave!

Christmas Eve is tomorrow. Can you believe that? It's already Christmas! December went by so fast! I didnt even get a chance to enjoy it! Christmas shopping is done and I feel pretty accomplished. Finished wrapping gifts last night, so thank goodness for that! I hope next year I can actually enjoy Christmas =)

GMH.

2009-12-16T15:07:00.000-08:00

I discovered GMH on tumblr last night. And I cant stop reading it!

The world can be a harsh and unforgiving place and sometimes you cant help but wonder why you're even here. Or how things can possibly even get better. But for me, on the days when I lost all hope in people, a random stranger always changes that.

I remember being angry one day and I just wanted to get out of the house. I found myself at Albertsons looking for chips to snack on while I sit in my car and mope. An elderly man joined me, searching for his favorite chips and struck up a conversation with me. For no reason. That conversation, lifted my spirits. And every time I'm in that chip isle, I always think of him!

I worked at Linens N Things for 9 months. And working in retail can be horrible sometimes, customers can be rude for no reason. I was having a bad week, I dont remember why. Maybe fighting with my boyfriend and getting crap at work and dealing with OCD... but I answered the phone one day. The lady on the other end of the line was setting up for an event and she was looking for a certain type of table cloth. I'm not really allowed to leave my register but no one else was around and the table cloth was placed in a section across from me during that time so I figured I'll just go look, I had nothing better to do. I came back and told her I found what she was looking for. She kept saying thank you and insisted that she reward me. I told her it wasnt a big deal, I was just doing my job and she told me that it didnt matter and wrote down my name. I came back to work the next day and there was a card waiting for me at my register. It was from her. Telling me thank you and it had a $10 bill in it. I kept that card with me and when I was having a rough day, I'd open it and read it.

There are other times when customers would say something or even just strike up a conversation with me while I was ringing up their things that would brighten my day. One lady commented on how tiny my hands were, I told them I hated that they were tiny. She looked me, smiled and said "well, I think they're beautiful".

And of course, my long lost brother stopping by after not seeing him for almost a year (due to our busy-ness) to give me a gift. His gift was what I needed, though I know he was in more need than I was. Bro, you should know that you just being in my life is enough. But thank you for always going beyond.

Reading this site made me think of all the times a random stranger or a friend did something that was above and beyond and as much as I spend time hating how messed up this world is, maybe it isnt as messed up as we all think it is, maybe the messed up part is the only part we're really exposed to. And that in itself, is a shame.

I recently realized how tiring and how pointless it is to be angry and to hate the world and how the more negativity you put out, the more you're welcoming in. Last year, I joined To Write Love On Her Arms, an organization that I strongly believe in. This year, I joined ItStartsWithUs. I love what they stand for and though the world might not be all saved, I'm all for making someone's day or week brighter by sacrificing my time or my extra few dollars. Knowing I brought someone happiness, makes me happier than I could ever imagine being.

He's home! He's home!

2009-12-07T13:20:00.001-08:00

Martin's been home for almost a week now, which might explain my MIA-ness. I know I've been away from the internet and believe me, I miss it too! Been spending time catching up with Martin and taking care of him, he's a little sick since I guess he's adjusting to the time zone and weather here. He's also been catching up on sleep, randomly lol. Which is fine, I'd imagine he'd be exhausted when he came home. He tried really hard to stay up when he got home even though his flight landed at midnight. But he had work that morning before they released him to go home. Poor babes.

I'm happy he's home now! We're still getting married (less than 23 days away, OMG!) and I dont know what we're going to do after that. We are going back to school and are going to have to find jobs. I've been avoiding going back to work because I just... blah. Cant. I feel like I'm wasting my life by working for some grumpy manager, you know? I dont really know how to explain it. I just feel like there's so much more to life. It just sucks that you cant really get anywhere without money. Lame! Haha.

It was suppose to snow here. It doesnt snow in CA! But apparently it snowed in the city my school is in and over closer to SF. Weak, I'm sure my town is too ghetto to get something cool like snow. Haha. But seriously, I've never seen real snow before so I was a little excited to see "snow" on the weather. But they did that last year and it didnt snow. I think I should move to Washington! Seriously.

I'll try to update more, I have a lot of things to get done this week and not enough time to do them all, which sucks. I know I should had finished all this stuff in November, but I was pretty busy that month too. One of these years I'll totally get into the holiday spirit, one of these years :)

A piece of me in: December 09'

2009-12-07T13:14:00.000-08:00

Ah! I missed it by a day :(

This month....

I like: That Martin came home! GLEE! The Sweep book series. KFC Famous Bowls! And my hamster Boq =)

I don't like: They keep saying that there's going to be snow here and there never is! Grrr. That he got discharged so close to graduation day :( and that I have to walk down the isle for my wedding, blah!

I want you to know: I think I've completely lost interest in makeup, I know, shocking. But I havent had the urge to look at or buy makeup! Its insane.

I've planned: To stress as little as possible from now until after my wedding. And to make a new 43things list that I hope to complete by the end of 2010.

I want to say to someone special: You will never ever ever ever be a failure to me. You're still my airman and I'm still extremely proud of you. Always.

G L E E !

2009-11-29T14:01:00.000-08:00

My newest obsession? GLEE.

Hottest cast ever. My fav's are Finn and Kurt! This show is so addicting. Musicals are definitely growing on me since I saw Wicked.

Speaking of, I totally feel like I'm cheating on Wicked by loving Glee. I'm sorry Wicked, you're not being replaced I promise!

Anyway...

Thanksgiving wasnt anything special. I just stayed home and read Sweep. Did some much needed room cleaning. And some online shopping. Thanksgiving online sales! Got a hoodie and a hat I wanted from AE and the next few Sweep books + another book + Glee soundtrack on Amazon. Black Friday I didnt go out that morning. But my bro did, he got a new laptop and printer. My parents got some stuff too. I went out that night and got One Tree Hill season 6 (for $12!), Friends season 9 (for $8!), and a few movies. That was about it. I didnt buy anything big or anything. I got Martin's DSi a few days earlier and I got a new digi cam (that was on super sale) a week ago so besides a flat screen tv there wasnt anything I wanted to buy and I cant get a flat screen tv cause I stack my DVD's on top of my tv now lol! I had it comin lol.

Yesterday my modem died. Like, completely. My brother woke me up asking if the internet worked and I didnt know what he was talking about, but I had a dream that there was a black out/earthquake and I thought there really was... but nope. Modem just decided to die. So I called my ISP and they said my warranty ended in 2006. Gee, thanks for letting me know! Grrr.

So I went to Best Buy to buy a new modem and I ran into a guy who was wearing Marine's blues that was playing with his hat and I couldnt help but stare. I love dress blues. I'm so sad I wont get to see Martin in his :( anyway, I got the modem and I got 3 DVD's that were $4 each. Whoot!

That's pretty much my weekend. Martin should be home within the next two days... or so they say. My hopes arent up. I waited all last week lol.

I need to clean out my closet and put up the Christmas tree, but man... I tried cleaning it yesterday and I dont know where to put any of that stuff. I have so much crap in my room and nowhere to put any of it! Blah!

16 minutes left.

2009-11-25T13:43:00.000-08:00

I'm trying not to be bummed. Martin was suppose to come home today but he called this morning saying they called everyone's name but his. But they said they were going to try to get everyone who is discharged home today. If he doesnt call in (now) 15 minutes, he's not coming home today. And he'll have to wait until Friday =( I want him home now. I really really really hate this. I'm starting to think I shouldnt let him re-enlist. This is ridiculous.

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving and even though Thanksgiving has never been a huge holiday in this family I still try to stay positive and make a blog every year for things I'm thankful for.

My wonderful fiance (who is annoying me with his negativity but he has a valid reason, this time)
My amazingly supportive parents who've supported me during the time Martin's been gone
Boq, the dwarf hamster my mommy bought me =)
My extremely caring sister-in-law. I'm so lucky to not hate my sister-in-law lol
My cat and dog, they always brighten my day
Wicked of course haha!
My real friends who've supported and comforted me while Martin's been gone
Life and everything it has to offer, both the good and the bad
Finding Nemo gummy multivitamin's cause man, they're delicious
Books!
Blogging!
My new digi cam I bought myself =)
Glee!
For the new found ability to try to stay positive no matter what the situation
My upcoming wedding and my parents who made sure it happened
The fleece pj pants I got from Kohls
The fleece hoodie I got from Kohls
The new boots I got from Kohls
KOHLS in general hahaha!
Baskin Robbins Fudge Crunch Cake (makes everything better)
The holiday spirit (its never too early to set up for Christmas!)
Finding the perfect sugar cookie soaps for my wedding

I was hoping for a longer list, but everything else would be materialistic lol. Though the fleece pants, hoodie and boots are worth putting on the list cause man! Those fleece pants literally feel like heaters on my butt, the hoodie is super cozy and the boots are beauuutiful!

I should probably clean my room today since he's probably not coming home. I know he's going to be negative and upset and discouraged next time he calls and it really acts like a dark cloud over my positivity, he seriously needs to work on his outlook towards life. But, that's whole 'nother entry on its own.

Happy Early Thanksgiving!

Nervous day.

2009-11-23T13:03:00.000-08:00

I'm having a nervous day lol.

Martin called me this morning to say there's a small chance he's coming home today and if not today he'll be home tomorrow. Oh no! My room is nowhere near cleaned because I've been running around with this wedding thing for like last month and a half (and actually, I have to be out the door in half an hour to do more wedding things)! I'm a little irritated about that. I was hoping to be organized and cleaned up by the time he came home! Yeah I totally just looked around my room and the only thing that came out of my mouth was "ughhh" hahaha!

I caught a glimpse of my wedding ticker (you know the type people have for their signature on forms?) and it says my wedding is almost a month away. I wont lie, I started to sweat a little lol. I'm completely nervous about this wedding! I absolutely hate attention, this is going to suck. The ceremony is suppose to take half an hour. Is there any chance we could cut that down to 15 minutes? Then again if you're paying $2000 I'm sure you'd want your full half hour, but I'm willing to let go half of it lol. I still feel like I'm too young to be getting married. Then again I assume I have the mind set of a 19 year old. Which in fact, I'm way over 19 lol.

Things will work out, they have to. In a way, this is for the better. His job wasnt what we thought it was and people decided to keep very important facts about it from us, which sucks. I'm actually glad he got discharged, I wouldnt want him in that situation. He tried to make sense of it this morning, maybe his theory is right. Maybe it just happened. Who knows, lets go with his theory because it makes me smile.

Yes, off to go run more wedding stuff and go enjoy some Gyoza, yummy salad and sushi with my sister.

He's getting discharged.

2009-11-20T14:18:00.001-08:00

So I should had wrote about this when it happened but I just wasnt in the mood to talk. Dang, now I have to start from the beginning.

So on the 18th, I was suppose to see Wicked with my sister-in-law and I woke up with an ulcer. I thought I just had to poop (you know how sometimes that m

akes your stomach hurt) but it wasnt that. Then it hit me, it was an ulcer. I took some Tums (even though that doesnt help it but hey, I had hopes) and tried to tough it out cause I already paid $120 for these tickets the week before. So I drove to the Ferry Building and I can not tell you how painful the drive was. So we park and I already know I cant walk. And it was 10AM, the show wasnt until 2PM and I knew I was going to be in an insane amount of pain if I were to walk around SF. Which sucks cause I had plans to go places before the show. So I was really really sad. And Marissa was being super understanding, so thank goodness for that.

I called my dad and told him I wasnt able to drive home so he had to come get us. So he came to drive us home and got me some Won Ton Soup on the way home.

I get home and the soup did make me feel a bit better and I went to lay down and Marissa went to finish hot glue gunning the favors together (her and Martin dont let me near hot glue guns, grrr). Around 12PM my stomach started to feel better. I know, right? It would. Anyway, I went to look up designs for my hair and wedding cake. At 2PM I took this picture:

My phone says 2:02PM. I had a count down going. Marissa had to cover my eyes at 2PM lol! So we did what any sane people who missed Wicked did.

We played the soundtrack.

HAHA!

Probably not the best idea, but hey. It made us feel like we were there. Kinda.

Anyway, eventually I took a nap. When the ulcer fades I get a slight headache and chills. I was coming down with a fever and I was telling Marissa I was having chills so she took off her sweater and put it over me and its one of those thick wool type wrap things and OMG it was so warm that I instantly fell asleep.

Marissa woke me up cause my phone was ringing and you know how instantly you kinda just wake up when your phone goes off? Yeah. So I got up and no one said shit on the other line so I hung up and called the number back, no answer. So I got up to go pee and the phone rings and its Martin so I go back to the room and hes like "did you call me back?" and I was like "uh... maybe" lol!

But he called and he was like "I have bad news, I'm being discharged..." he sounded really sad and disappointed and I tried making him feel better. I know he felt defeated and I know how bad he wanted this, he was explaining to me why they were discharging him and they transfered him and he'll be home soon and to tell his family. I told him Marissa was there taking care of me. We called both of our mom's when I got off the phone with him.

I spent all yesterday moping around. Someone told me that the tendon actually takes only 3 weeks to heal and my mom (who's an RN) confirmed this so I thought there would still be hope and that he can come back in 6 months, not 2 years like they told him.

So he called me this morning (at like freakin 7:30AM, wth), again with the instantly waking up lol! I told him the good news but he said that since hes flat footed, and with this tendon, its reoccurring. Its not usually a chronic problem, but for him it is. He said they cant discharge him for flat feet and they cant discharge him for his tendon but since he has both they have to. And that it would take him more than six months to fix it. =( I tried. I asked him if he still wanted to get married and he was like "yes, I do" he sounded a little sad, I just wanted to make sure. I told him I talked to my mom last night and she said it was alright with her. He said he'd be home soon, hopefully before or after Thanksgiving.

We got to talk for 25 minutes and it felt like forever, it was kinda nice. He was laughing a lot more, so that made me happy. He was talking about his uniform and how he took his flight pictures already with his blues and his camos. And he said he was wearing his camos while he was talking to me and I was like "this is so unfair I wanted to see you in your camos" and he was like "yeah, I know, and to be honest I dont look bad in them" BITCH hahaha. I asked about his name tag and he was telling me he had some and he was like "I'm hella touching my uniform and pointing at it like you can see me" haha. But he has to return his blues and his camos. I asked him to ask if you can keep the hat. Cause I want his hat. And his name tag. I'm a sucker for military uniforms, but just certain pieces lol!

I was like "oh hey thanks for taking us to Todai last week" and he was like "you're.... I did what?" and he started laughing he was like "how do you just tell me that" hahaah! Hey, I have a problem with lying okay? Geez. And I was telling him how Marissa is harder on me than he is when it comes to spending money and a bunch of other things. It wasnt as sad as our usual conversations are, which was nice. He was like "I got your letter yesterday and how you were saying I'll do good and I was like aw fuck" haha!!

I miss him so much, I can not wait for him to come home even if it means he didnt graduate. We're still getting married, even if it means living away from each other... at home... with our parents... lol. We'll figure something out, we always do. Well hey, at least now I can move to Washington like I wanted right? lol. LETS HOPE.

He's still my Airman and I'm still so very proud of him. He'll get it right eventually and when he does, I'll be there besides him. My parents are for him trying again once he heals up too. And that makes me happy. Our lives are hard and we have a ton of bad luck, but we're so lucky to have such supportive families and people in our lives. Life may suck, but the people who pull you back up when you're down make life that much more brighter.

Damn OCD.

2009-11-15T23:44:00.001-08:00

So I tried to do a book haul video, and since I was touching my books (which were packaged from Amazon.com and are fairly clean, dont you think?) I feel like my hands are contaminated and I feel like disinfecting them. My hands, not the books.

What bother's me is that lately, my OCD has been acting up and getting weirder. This time last year, I wasnt this freaked out about it. I thought I was getting somewhere! Then it came back, twice as hard. It's softened up a bit, but I guess the stress from the wedding and Martin's situation is causing it to act up.

I've been sitting here for about five minutes trying to convince myself that my hands are not contaminated and they're fine. And there's no reason to go wash/disinfect them. Seriously, its not that serious. And its just ridiculous having to do this and having to go through this. It makes no sense and though I'm over being mad at the fact I have OCD, its just man... tiring.

Its tiring being worried about the craziest things that make no sense. Its tiring fighting the urge to wash my hands. It's tiring trying to convince myself that its not dirty when clearly its not.

I use to be the chick who sat on the floor and on the sidewalk cause I hated sitting on chairs. I use to freely walk in my room with my socks and jeans on and not even care. I use to go straight to sleep after coming home from SF and being on BART that day. I use to be able to come home and go straight to sleep, period. Now I cant do any of those things. Ever. And after dealing with this for four years, its just. Tiring.

And yet, I'm still determined to fight this without medication. If my mind has the ability to be this strong to make me think these crazy thoughts then its just as strong to fight it off. And it will. Someday.

Cause you came and left...

2009-11-15T22:21:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been addicted to "Just Go" by Jesse McCartney. I was listening to "The Best Day Of My Life" not realizing it was from A Cinderella Story and got excited with the biggest urge to watch it. Then I realized, I never got around to buying that movie. Even though it's one of my favorites (Hilary Duff is a guilty pleasure of mine).

Anyyywayyy....

Autumn! Oh me and Autumn, we have this really weird and super secret love/hate relationship. If I were ever to cheat on Martin, it would be with Autumn (can you cheat on someone with a season? Absolutely). Then I'd cheat on Autumn with Winter. I know, arent I scandalous?

I get into these crazy moods when the temperature starts to drop and the leaves go all... dead. And stuff. Haha. In my life, my previous boyfriends always managed to break up with me like right before the holidays. Trust me, it was fool proof. I always figured it was because they didnt wanna splurge on gifts for their girlfriend, who knows. But I guess that contributed to my crazy mood when it comes around this time of the year.

I get the craziest most intense urge to be independent. And alone. Til like, January haha.

I dont know, to me it feels like Autumn is the beginning of a fresh start. The air feels nicer against your skin and everything is crisp and refreshing. The plants are dying so they can start over again. And there's just something really refreshing and inspiring about that. I'm also one of those people who find colder weather to be more romantic. And its around the time I usually fall asleep watching Serendipity every night. Might explain the wanting to be alone/romantic statement, yah?

Ironically, me and Martin usually break up in November if we do break up. Though our break ups arent like normal people's break ups, they're very helpful. We tend to talk to each other a lot more when we break up. But it always, always lands in November. Again, fool proof. And we break up every other year. Fool proof! But now that we're getting married, what happens? We cant divorce every other year haha. I guess its good that he left this Autumn, it skips a year. But then it throws off our "fool proof" cause that means next year we'll get along since his presence was absent this year.

I'm sorry, is this a weird subject to be talking about? I actually brought this up with him and he usually denies we break up. Even though he always asks me back out lol, he's odd like that. But I'm very thankful he puts up with my crazy habits and ideas and all around just man-shes-not-making-sense-right-now. Though he did pick up a new habit of chanting "I love her" whenever I do something completely off the wall lol.

I was hoping to write a better blog about it than this, but mid-blog my mom knocked on my door and I lost my inspiration. I need to start blogging in my car, where no one can talk to me! I'm so foreal.

Speaking of, there was this huge spider crawling around my car door when me and Marissa got back from the Olive Garden so I handed her the disinfectant spray (I have OCD, I always bring disinfectant around with me) and instead of spray it away it caused the spider to slip through the door frame INTO the car so she opened the door and it was like, plopped into the rubber frame part and it had a web. The little sucker made a home in my door frame! Anyway, I forgot about it and I was cleaning the wedding stuff out of the car and I saw the web and freaked. Then I remembered that we killed that spider but man... that web looks like it was spun with glue. I'm so serious. I should take a picture tomorrow and show you guys. It's gross.

I hate spiders. Yuck.

To Write Love On Her Arms day.

2009-11-13T21:46:00.003-08:00

Today is To Write Love On Her Arms day.

The first time I ever saw TWLOHA was at Hot Topic a year or so back. I was browsing the girl's shirts and I saw the tag sticking out of one and it definitely caught my attention. I pulled the shirt out and it was one of the plain black ones that have the logo on the top corner.

And the first thing that popped into my head was cutting. I read the tag and turns out, I was right!

Its an organization dedicated to stop cutting, depression and suicide. And since I discovered it, I've been a big fan of the organization. For a few months I was part of their Street Team but I suddenly got busy (of course) and I was dropped from the Street Team. Which is fine, I can always reapply and I do plan to, when all the crazyness slows down.

This organization hits so close to home because when I was in high school, I was suicidal. I dont think there was ever a day I didnt think about suicide and how much better things would be if I just ended it all. I cant really dig that far back since over the years I've blocked things from my memory but I was always depressed. I was always snappy and crying and I had an intense hate for the entire world and everyone in it. I did all sorts of stupid things to make me feel better, even if the feeling better only lasted a few minutes or hours and even if it meant being used.

And even after I realized that what I was doing wasnt making me feel better... I still did it because what else did I have? I cant say I was a cutter because I only cut once. But I spent a really big part of my teenage years angry and depressed.

And, I dont know how to say this without sounding like its bullshit or cliche but... when Martin & I got out of the friend zone everything changed. My entire life changed. I finally felt like someone really cared about me. Someone actually gave a fuck about me, you know? Not to say my parents didnt, but things were just... hard at home at the time. And knowing that someone really really cares about you is such a different and good feeling.

But its not just that or him. I chose not to be depressed anymore. And I know you cant just choose to not be depressed and magically it goes away. It takes work and it takes time. It takes a lot of time.

Depression is kinda like, a gate way drug. At least, in my life. I ended up with full blown OCD. Depression and OCD, they're in the same family and they just love to feed off of each other. The more depressed I was, the more OCD acted up and since OCD acted up, it made me even more depressed because man. OCD can be tricky to please. It was this never ending exhausting cycle. I figure if I kick one, I can somehow kick the other. So the depression had to go, and it took me a very long time to stop being depressed. I went to therapy and my first therapist told me I couldnt do it without medication. I've never believed that medication could heal depression. Even my current therapist (I still go sometimes, not as much as before. 3 years!) warned me it would be hard.

And one day I came in and told him I did it. And it felt great. I havent been depressed since.

I suppose since I had something greater and I was determined to get better, to show them that it is possible without medication, it pushed me to try harder. And there is hope. There is another way out besides suicide. And yes it takes a long time, and a lot of work but it is well worth it in the end. And I'm glad I didnt end it all on the nights I attempted to, because I would had never been able to see just how wonderful life can be.

So thank you Martin and thank you OCD, you're a pain in the ass but sometimes I think you're some weird fucked up blessing in disguise.

Splurged a bit on myself. Finally.

2009-11-12T00:12:00.000-08:00

A lot of my funds and time have been going to the wedding. Which has been a semi bummer. I've been doing good with not stressing out too much over everything, but it has bummed me out that all these sales and new products are coming out and of course everyone setting up for the holidays and I havent had a chance to splurge on myself lately.

I had set aside some money for an itouch but realized, I didnt really need one right now. I just bought myself a Nano last year (I dont know what I was thinking by buying an 8 GiG ipod though, I have 1 GiG left)! And besides, I really just wanted it for the apps. Haha, I'm not going to lie! I've been wanting a new digi cam for awhile now, not that there's anything really wrong with mine. Its just a bit out dated and I know Martin doesnt have one. So I was planning awhile back (wayyy before he decided to enlist) to get a new camera and give him my old one. But he never let me. The camera I wanted went on sale recently (it dropped by like over $100) so I just had to get it. Besides, I think I'm worth it! Haha. So I went and got it today. The battery is still charging so I havent had a chance to play with it just yet. But, I'm pretty happy about that!

I was bummed that Barns & Nobles got rid of their Wizard of Oz/Wicked table! I was hoping to buy a Wicked shirt to wear when I see it next week (along with my green/black witch hat and my custom made "Wicked" necklace), but I went and it was all gone! Super bummed. I hope my necklace and hat will be fine (I need to find that hat). Also my Wizard of Oz comic still hasnt released even though it was suppose to on the 4th. Boo. Dont you hate when you drive kinda a long way to find something and... its not there anymore? Yeah, me too! Haha.

Went semi shopping for Marissa's tux/dress. We went to a tux place and the tux's didnt really fit her well so we went to the mall and tried looking for like women's business suits, but... I dont know. I thought it looked alright! We ended up just getting her a dress lol! Did I mention she's the best man? Yeah, we're doing things a bit backwards. Also he's walking down the isle, not me (he doesnt know this one yet but he will)! Hehe.

We went to go look for some last minute wedding decor stuff, and didnt find much. We did end up walking out of Kohls with a hoodie, socks, some snowflakes (decor) and perfume. Hey, they were having a sale! Haha. I couldnt find a clutch/wristlet that was just plain white. Kinda hard to believe!

We went to Bed Bath and Beyond, just because and I got to add more things to my registry! We got to have the scanner gun and run around the store scanning stuff. My registry is a bit, random... but we get 10% off if we purchase things from our registry (which might explain the shampoo and body wash, sorry guys! Haha) so why not! I'm sure our family is going to wonder what was she thinking... but its okay! Haha. That was super fun, we got to stay til after the store closed. I love Bed Bath and Beyond, they're so... beyond haha. And they were really nice about us staying after.

It's freezing cold, and I'm so excited that it is! I love the cold weather! Well I like it a lot better than hot. I just dont like the goosebumps or the chills.

I wanna go wrap myself in my fleece blanket and go to bed but I have some work to do! Darn. Gotta get all the paper work done by next week for the chapel. Its so crazy to think I'm really getting married, you know? Putting down the deposit for the chapel, getting fitted for my dress... its just so... surreal! I think its really fully hit me just yet. I dont think it's going to until I'm putting the dress on right before the ceremony. I hope I dont freak out! Hahah!

Misery is the best inspiration.

2009-11-10T22:32:00.000-08:00

And he loves me so. Takes me where you never took me, although you tried to. His eyes they read so true. So different from the way it was with you...

I dont dwell on my past half as much as I use to, in fact a lot of my past is a blur. But certain songs still bring up certain people, certain days, certain feelings. And sometimes, its a refreshing blast of memories. Like on a cold November night like this one.

In every life there will be one great love and one unforgettable heart break.

November was never a good month for me, majority of my break ups happen in November. My "unforgettable heart break" happened in November. I can deny you all I want, but no one hurt me as much as you did. And I cant figure out why, besides that I was young and stupid. You were a pretty decent boyfriend, a push over but decent. But everyone needs to feel the pain you gave me, its a big part of who made me who I am today. And I happen to like who I am today.

Moving on... I'm getting married. Wow. Me. Getting married. Never would had thought. Sure we've been together for almost six years (wow, six years, really?) but I just never really saw us getting married. I'm a lot like Ben Affleck in "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days". I figure we're happy, why ruin it by getting married. And sure, I still think that. But a small itty bitty part of me is actually kinda excited. Shh, dont tell Martin I said that. I always thought that once you get married, or engaged, the past kinda just... disappears. You dont think of the past or what-could-had-been or why-did-that-end. Why I thought that is beyond me.

I guess I'm lucky. I'm lucky because my fiance is my best of all best friends. Literally. We talk about my exes, we talk about his exes, we try to figure out why our past relationships failed. We have real conversations about things like that. He knows how I feel about all of my exes, he knows the ones I wish I was still friends with or the ones hurt me. And he does what I always wished someone would do with that information. He uses to know who I am and how I am. Not against me, but as a better understanding of how I react to things. I'm lucky because in the last six years, he was able to figure who I had a crush on. At work, at school, to him it was so obvious. And he'd pick on me, not in a jealous boyfriend way but in a ooh-I'm-telling-him-you-like-him way. And sometimes between us, its just so easy to forget we're together. Because the majority of the time, we dont feel like that. We feel like two best friends hanging out.

Words can not express how lucky and blessed and happy I am to have him. To have someone who's just like me. Who sacrifices just to see a smile on their face. To spoil me with hugs and kisses and my favorite food "just because". Who accepts every part of me, and who is completely in love with the tomboy side of me. Someone who'll watch me put on lipstick, wipe it off with his finger, kiss me and whisper "you dont need it". Someone who makes me feel so damn alive. He wont ask why I'm crying if I dont feel like telling him but he'll hug the hell out of me until I'm spent, tuck me in bed and kiss me on the forehead and tell me to sleep it off.

I think back to exes and memories and the crazy fucked up crap you go through with them in high school and relationships that ended far too soon. And the boys I miss. And I look at him and I'm glad those relationship ended. I'm glad for all the fucked up crazy shit I went through. I'm glad I got kicked out school. I'm glad I had to repeat senior year. I'm so glad. I'm so glad to be here, with him. With this ring on my finger. With that ring on his.

I love you. I love you a million times. In a million different lifetimes. I've always loved you. I willalways love you. My dope friend. My best friend. My babemerding. A million thank yous. For just being you <3.

Earlyyy phone call!

2009-11-09T23:08:00.000-08:00

Martin called me all morning this morning for some reference information. He called me several times actually and I fell asleep between calls. I think I answered one of the questions he asked me with my eyes still closed and my head still under the blanket followed by a mumbled "okay yeah I'll get it. K love you bye" and rolled over, called the school, asked for the info, wrote it down all with my eyes closed. I knew having a notebook next to my pillow would be handy some day. During the calls when I was more awake however, we got to talk for a bit. Not about much because I didnt know what kind of time limit we were on.

But I did mange to ask what Marissa was going to wear to the wedding, tell him about my page rate, and a bunch of other things. I think I covered the important things this time. The rest of the small talk was a blur because like I said (or hinted) I wasnt completely awake during these calls. It was nice to hear his voice on the other line, for a few hours it felt like he was home and everything was normal again.

He called again around noon saying it was his last call of the day and to say thank you for getting him the info and to tell Boq he loves him (which I thought was super cute). I told him when he comes home hes gonna have to tame him cause hes so jumpy. I also gave him a big kiss on the phone and he laughed. I'm glad he smiled, he needs to start smiling/laughing more often on the phone! I'm tired of these sad phone calls! Goodness.

I kept telling myself all day I was going to clean my room.

I didnt.

Did you expect it?

I did LOL!

I just emailed Nicolas Dromard (Fiyero for the Wicked SF production) a rather huge request, I hope he approves my request! Not saying what it is just yet, but its a gift. For someone :)

I've been bugging Nicolas for the last few days lol! At least he'll know who I am when I go see Wicked for the 3rd time haha!

I registered a new domain. Since I have unlimited hosting, just to test it out. So I registered it and I was all excited and I was like and then what lol! Its still processing, so we'll see! I saw that I could renew my domain for $10/year and I got excited til I realized it was just to register to host was wayy more than that lol! Darn, you fooled me again!

Hopefully cleaning tomorrow!! Hopefully.

Oh! I got the Wicked site up, and some content up. I like the layout but I'm not happy with the content. Its gonna take some getting use to/work. But I think I'll get it. Or I'll try to, I'll post a link if anyone's interested (does anyone read this?!) lol.

What a WiCKED day.

2009-11-07T20:11:00.000-08:00

I spent all last night browsing sites and layouts, searching for something inspiring for both my domain and for my Wicked site and nothing really hit me. Well, I tried changing my domain layout but I'm so picky and WordPress is such a hassle to figure out, blah!

So I was listening to Stay With Me by Danity Kane (which always reminds me of that Twilight fan video someone made last year) and how I wanted to make a banner with me and Martin (since you know, he left and all) and I thought... why not with Elphaba and Fiyero? But I didnt have the screen shots I wanted for that (and its a live musical, pictures are hard to find) so I thought why not with Glinda and Elphaba since you know, the musical is basically about the friendship between Glinda and Elphaha, not so much Fiyero and anyone lol. But last minute I changed my mind and just made it For Good which I think came out pretty decent.

Now I just have to figure out how, where and what kind of content I want on the site. Its not hard finding content, just where and how. You know? I feel super accomplished because I didnt get ANY headaches making the banner for the site (which is surprising, cause I usually get headaches every time I graphic design which is why I dont do it that often anymore). Yay! It kinda just flowed, which is so rare when it comes to me cause I'm a total perfectionist. Of course, I want to touch up on my Photoshopping and make much more complex banner and layouts. Eventually, I will.

I managed to add Nicolas (who plays Fiyero for the SF production) on MySpace, subbed to his YouTube and emailed him for an autograph the next time I see Wicked (a week and half from now)! Haha I hope he emails me back, that would be awesome. I am completely smitten with Nicolas! Hehehehe *insert Glinda giggle here* haha!

Pretty happy I got my Amazon order (finally) today. Yay more Sweep books!

Got a few depressing letters from Martin again :( I really hate how all the letters are depressing *sigh*. The last letter left me worried, I feel really down and defeated right now. I know I shouldnt, but I cant help it. I hope things get better and work out. Trying to keep my mind on Wicked to keep from being down. I dont do wedding planning on the weekends, so they're reserved for Wicked.

Almost done!

2009-11-06T00:35:00.000-08:00

The future sister in law and I finished up a bunch of stuff yesterday with the wedding. Like ordering the invitations, ribbon, putting together the last details of the favors and table decors, and got my wedding band! Also finished up paying most of the bills for the month. Skipped MAC, surprisingly... I didnt want to depress myself. Got my free gift from Aerie! I love the free gift this month! Also got a new wallet and my glove mitt things, yay. I love cold weather! Got my wedding band! Whoohoo! Its a simple band with diamonds across, its like a 2mm band. I wanted something thin and simple. My engagement ring is just too much for me to wear all day everyday lol. Also got a really soft, warm and comfy hoodie. Oh also set up a wedding registry at Bed Bath and Beyond and it was so much fun! The sales person who helped us was really friendly and funny.

I took a few pictures of Ace/Boq (havent decided on a name yet) but I havent transfered them yet. Been way busy! Hes cuddled up in a corner under his bedding right now, I guess the little one is cold too. I wish I could keep him in my room! But my damn makeup is taking up all the room. Grr.

I'm thinking of revamping my room before Martin comes home for the holidays. My room is seriously a mess right now. Books/notebooks/beads/makeup are just stacked up on top of each other everywhere. I cant even see my DVD player and PS2 because its just so much of a mess in here! So yah, I'm thinking of getting rid of a bunch of stuff (you know what that means... more items in the makeup sale blog). Besides, he wont let me take this all with me when he move anyway.

Sadly, I think my love for makeup is running low. I havent been interested in much lately. Mostly just MAC collections. A few things here and there... but nothing big. Maybe its just because I'm broke, but I dont know... blah. Its a really frustrating feeling, to be honest.

In case you didnt know, I'm a HUGE Wicked musical fan. So since all I talk about (seriously, literally) is Wicked, I decided to just give in and make a fan site. I'm not really sure what I'm going to post just yet, if I'm going to include news or just talk about my favorite scenes, my thoughts, my favorite lyrics/songs/quotes... I'm not really sure yet. But I'm pretty excited about this project!

Martin wants me to do something that will make him proud of me. He wants me to keep making jewelry, and I want to as well... but I dont know, I kinda feel like I'm not doing as well as I want to and maybe that's all on me for not practicing more or whatever but I just... I dont know. I feel so discouraged when hes not around. And I know it shouldnt be like that, but I guess I just got too use to him being around (we have been together for pretty much 6 years). And I want to show him I was trying just as hard as he was when he left, but... I've been moping instead. The only thing that keeps my mind off basic training is Wicked and planning the wedding. It just bums me out cause I have so much to release and make and I'm kinda just... sitting here. Sorry guys! I hope you understand.

Adjusting to the military life is really hard, especially when you have no experience with it at all and you're kinda just thrown into it. I know this is going to be the first of many times that he wont be around. And its a struggle not being able to pick up the phone and call him. To carry my phone around with me everywhere so I dont miss a call, even though hes only limited to 10 minute (or less) phone calls. Being crazy about checking the mail EVERY SINGLE DAY in hopes you get a letter. And most days, you dont get anything. No letter, no call, no nothing. And some days, thats just really hard. I didnt think it would be... but its harder than I thought it would be. I knew I'd miss him, but I never thought it would feel like this.

But I'm proud of him. I know he'll get his numbers up and I'll know he's strong enough to get through this. I want him to be proud of me too...

A lovely surprise!

2009-11-02T20:39:00.001-08:00

I was trying to take a nap earlier, since it was extremely hot in my room. And I was~~light weight~~ waiting for a phone call from Martin. And my mom starts knocking on my door, so I thought maybe I had a letter... so I open the door and she's holding up Labby's old carrier cage. And inside it was a small Robo Dwarf Hamster! He was adorable! And very active (which is good, I hope hes healthy).

It surprised me that she came home with a hamster cause she'd never come home with one! I wont say shes not a fan of hamsters (after a few years of me having Syrian hamsters I think they finally grew on her lol) cause she is... but coming home with one was just so out of character hehe. But it was a nice surprise, especially since I was kinda crying myself to sleep.

I dont know if I mentioned this, but my dear Labby mouse (Martin named him "Labby... the lab mouse" cause he was a plain white mouse) passed away last week, almost hitting I think two years... which is crazy for a simple white feeder mouse. And I suppose she got me a hamster to keep me some company since Martin's away. I dont know really I didnt ask her but I was oohing and ahhing over it for some time lol.

I only have CareFresh bedding and I remember reading somewhere that it's really bad for dwarf hamsters so I went to Petco but they dont sell the bedding I use to use for my baby boy Flixie (who passed away almost two years ago. He had a bad allergic reaction to CareFresh so I had to switch him to shredded wood bedding) and I'm not a huge fan of the wood chip type since they have sharp corners, so I may have to go to the next city over to PetSmart and see if they have any over there. I also have to get the little critter a wheel and some toys. He was climbing and jumping around the cage as soon as I put him in there.

I'm very knowledgeable when it comes to Syrian hamsters since I've raised them since I was 9... but when it comes to dwarf hamsters... not so much. I've only had one and he passed away the day after I got him (I wrote a complaint to the head of Petco and they never got back to me either. Ugh) so I'm a little iffy about having another dwarf hamster, especially from Petco. So I'll be taking a small break tonight from wedding planning to refresh my memory on dwarf hamster care. I only remember bits and pieces and they're not connecting very well lol.

Sorry no pictures of the little guy just yet! I was too busy trying to make his home to take pictures. But soon! And I havent decided on a name, I was thinking Ace since that was what Martin named our Air Force bear, but I dont know yet :)

I cant wait to tell him about the new little one!

Its still there...

2009-11-01T23:59:00.000-08:00

A lot of the time I write about how I managed to escape an abusive relationship. And in all honestly, I wouldnt had been able to even think about walking away from that situation if it wasnt for you.

You were the most unlikely person to save me. The guy who hated his life just as much as the girl who wanted to just end it all. How can two people who hate life save each other?

I dont know. But it happened.

One year ago, two days from today. I said things that I meant at the moment but things I shouldnt had said. You know how I get in intense arguments. I forget, that you're you. You're not him. The things I said... you didnt deserve. The way I reacted was uncalled for. You're nothing like me, you'd never say something to hurt me. You've never and you would never hurt me. Not with words, not with fists, not with anything. The look in your eyes when you're slightly even raising your voice at me asks for forgiveness. And you quickly go quiet.

So why. Why do I treat you the way I do when I'm angry?

We blame the actions of someone else on people who dont deserve it.

I blame you for the things Jeff did. And I know I do. A year ago, we were together for four solid years and never in those years did you do the things he did but yet, I still blame them on you as if you did them. And that is extremely wrong of me. And yet, when I'm in those moments I cant control it. Why does this happen?

I tell myself I'm strong for being able to walk away, for even attempting to walk away... and maybe I am. But the situation itself still haunts me. And I dont think that will ever go away.

I could tell you I'm sorry, a million times. That I'll try my hardest to not let it happen again. And I know you'd look at me. Smile and rub my face. And tell me "its okay, I understand".

And I just dont understand why you do. Or how you do. But I'm so very thankful that you do. You save my life every single day. I hope you know that.

You're my hero. Long before you wore camos, combat boots and dress blues.

Thank you.

A piece of me in: November 09'

2009-11-01T13:45:00.000-08:00

The Toothfairy started this new game every month. Where you write down something about you during the beginning of the month. I think this is a great idea, I change my likes and dislikes all the time and it would be nice to look back and see what they were.

This month....

I like: Wicked the musical, searching for my wedding favors, Ning and Tumblr.

I don't like: that its still in the high 70's and its already November. Fall has skipped us this year.

I want you to know: that I think my love for makeup is fading *gasp*. I know, I know. Or maybe I'm just too busy to keep up with all the new things.

I've planned: to do more productive things away from the computer. Lets see how this goes.

I want to say to someone special: I miss you. I'm so proud of you. I cant wait to see you in a few weeks and I cant wait to marry you!

Found my wedding dress!!!

2009-10-30T11:35:00.000-07:00

Good news, I FOUND MY WEDDING DRESS!!!

I was in love with this dress that I tried on at the first bridal store I went to but it didnt come in blue, at all. It came in a baby blue but no dark blues... so I was bummed. I'm completely smitten with that dress. I demand my sister in law has a red wedding so I can buy that dress (lucky for me, she agreed. she likes that dress too)! I had one written down that I saw from a website and I was trying on dresses similar to the one I was in love with, and surprisingly one of the ones I wishlisted they had a sample of. So I tried that on. It wasnt as lovely as the original one I wanted but its really really nice. It doesnt have a train or a long sash (which is what I kinda wanted but its kinda no big deal) but it does have that fanning out thing in the back. And its gorgeous. I got a shaw thing to go with it, I'm insecure when it comes to showing my shoulders and I got my shoes. All of a little over $300. Oh I'm so excited! We also got the table decor for $44! Michaels was having a sale, so thank goodness for that! How we're going to get it to Las Vegas without the glass shattering, I have no idea... but we'll figure something out! I really hope Martin likes my dress and the decor. Marissa will be in charge of setting up the tables if I dont come back in time since she is the one who thought of the decor in the first place!

I'm lucky to have such a helpful sister in law!

So I was pretty happy yesterday since we got a lot done, I'm just bummed I couldnt find my candle. We also got the bubbles for the wedding, we just need to get the ribbons for them now. And the invites.

I also got 4 letters from Martin yesterday. Well 3 and some paper work for his graduation. I was pretty excited but when I read them... they were really sad. All of them were. It broke my heart. I know its hard for him out there, but I didnt expect it to be this hard. He's so much stronger than that, I dont know why hes not acting like it. I know its hard for him to be away from me and to do things on his own for once, but he has to do this. I guess its just a little easier for me to be on my own cause prior to being with him, I was on my own already. So with him leaving its just like "oh, back to this" where as for him, its something completely new. I hope he graduates on time and I hope hes right about his break dates cause that means I'll get the date I want and he'll be home for Christmas.

I wish so much I could just run over there and give him a hug and a kiss and tell him I believe in him and that he can do this. And stop being a doober face about it. But I cant. I'm here, he's there, and I feel so helpless being so far away and not being able to make it better. His last letter was really really sad. I feel so bad for him. I hope things are better now. He told me about the Wiccan church, and I'm a little jealous. We call our happy place "home". My home is curled up on his lap (like a cat, literally) and his home is laying on my lap and they told them to go to their happy place and he was talking about how real it felt. Like he could touch me and he could smell me and I'm a little jealous! I'm running off memories here! But he told me it was fun, there's more to it, but I'm sure no ones really interested to know what Wiccans do plus it sounds cultish lol. I'm also a little jealous he gets to go to Wiccan church lol.

I'm a little down today because of the letter, I'm hoping the next ones wont be so sad. My friend (who went in before him) already warned me that the first three weeks will be depressing, it gets better after that. I hope she's right.

I think I'm getting sick.

2009-10-28T17:01:00.000-07:00

Besides sniffling all day yesterday and having a running nose when I went to bed, I woke up this morning with a plugged up nose (I woke up because one of the bridal shops I called yesterday was returning my phone call... at 10AM, lovely) and feeling like crap. Thank goodness I'm staying home today. But even now, I feel all flemy and all I wanna do is nap!

Please let me find a dress tomorrow! I'm not a fan of wedding dress shopping and I really really really need to find one.

Today marks two months until my wedding and nothing is done. I'm trying not to stress, it only gives me migraines and I cant even take Excedrine anymore, so I need to just... chill.

Everything will work out. At least, that's what I'm hoping.

I lied, this weekend was eventful.

2009-10-25T13:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday me and the future sis in law woke up at 0645 and headed to the Ferry building to take the Ferry to SF. Man, its been years since I've taken the ferry or the Muni. We go to SF and since we got there 10 minutes early, I stopped by my favorite bakery Miette. Picked up an Opera cake and a Caramel Panna Cotta. Made our way to Muni and took it to Civic Center. I was afraid we'd get lost but we didnt, yay! Grabbed some Burger King for breakfast and went to Behind The Emerald Curtain.

Took pictures of everything, it wasnt what I thought it would be... it was basically a room that had poster boards and props and the dresses up and two members of the cast (for us it was a swinger who sometimes also plays the main flying monkey Cheshiery and also sometimes plays Boq) and Fiyero. They tell you a little about behind the scenes, the costumes, the makeup, how everything is pretty much a wig (I always wondered how they curled Glinda's hair so fast!) and things like that. You watch a few video clips, they tell you a few stage secrets, have a Q&A and that's about it. I did get to take a picture with Fiyero and I did get to ask "Boq" about the part where Elphaba makes him into the Tinman, is it two different people... cant tell you what he said though! If you want to see pictures of the event, I'll be posting them on my Flickr.

After that, went to see if they had any open tickets just to see. And walked away with two tickets for the early show haha! But the thing that sucked was the tickets I bought were $80 cheaper and wayyy closer than the previous tickets I had bought! Grrr. So we walked around, grabbed some lunch and headed back to watch Wicked at 2PM. We had floor seats! I didnt know that! But it was off to the left and though you're up close, it was hard to see the middle of the stage and the left side of the stage. Defying Gravity looked amazing that up close!

A couple bloopers from last night's show?

In "No Good Deed" at the end where she goes "alright, enough so be it!" and she waves her arms around, Elphaba's cape stuck to her face. You could tell she was slightly off from the vents that blew up the air so yeah she had to pull it from her face hehe.
In "Dancing Through Life" the duet between Elphaba and Galinda where Galinda goes "you deserve each other, this hat and you, you're both so... smart" she said "sharp" instead of "smart". Hehe.

I really really enjoyed Behind The Scenes and Wicked. Best morning ever!

After the show we headed to Powell to the Bloomingsdale mall and had dinner at Straits. We had Lobster Pad Thai that cost $39. To be honest, it was totally worth the money. I am NOT a fan of lobster, at all. But this lobster was amazing. It was juicy, it was fresh, OMG. It was good. The Pad Thai wasnt as spicy as their normal Pad Thai but it was really really good. Even the green onions in it were good and I HATE green onions! Marissa was hooked on the Roti lol! After dinner I took her on the spiral escalators haha. Got my usual strawberry shortcake thingie and headed back to the Ferry building.

We missed the ferry by 2 minutes so we went back to Hyatt and the Ferry building was having some celeb culinary show. One of the girls from the Food Network cake challenges was there. But I didnt recognized the other people. So we went back to Hyatt and walked around. I asked if they still had the rotating restaurant and they didnt. A really nice host at the lobby lounge was telling me how someone bought that Hyatt and the new manger got rid of it two years ago. Aww, that sucks. The host was really nice and friendly. He was like "but when I get enough money to buy this place back, I'll call you!" cause he use to work there lol. Got on the ferry finally and man, I was ready to nap but didnt get to.

Tiring but fun day!

Slowest yet fastest week of my life.

2009-10-21T21:09:00.001-07:00

I'm getting to that point where I'm just itching to hear from him. I've sent him 3 letters so far since he gave his address (I'm working on my 4th one) and I know the first 2 or 3 weeks are the hardest and there's close to no communication with family and friends during that time and I'm trying really hard to stay busy and optimistic and remind myself that if he had the choice, he'd call me. But dammit this anxiety is not being friendly at all! The days are passing fast, which is great. Then I realize it's not even Friday yet! Good goly, hurry the hell up! I swear, if I dont get a letter or a call by Monday or Tuesday next week, I'm going to scream. Argh.

This weekend isnt too eventful, however I'm going to see Behind The Emerald Curtain. Which I was excited for when I bought the tickets but now all I want to do is sit at home and wait for his call. Well that and... I dont know if I still remember how to take the bus system around SF anymore, it's been five years since I last did! Everyone send good vibes that I dont get lost, please?

Trying to sell off all my jewelry is hard. I'm in desperate need to get rid of all of them so I have room for my new stuff. I also have a few free gift offers going on with my Mark store, check out the beauty blog for details. Shameless plug? Yeah, you got me lol.

Been spending some time planning my wedding and decided to get a completely different dress so I'm going to be trying on dresses tomorrow (hopefully, unless the bridal shop is really as ghetto as everyone says it is, then maybe I'll save that for another day) but the dress shop I'm going to got ALL bad reviews. So I was thinking of trying on dresses there and ordering it from another dress shop semi close to me with better reviews. I'm pretty sure my dress size is a 1. I hate trying on clothes, so so much. Trying to figure out other things for the wedding too...

Favors
Chapel decor
Makeup
Hair
Shoes
Invitations
Maybe ordering a small cake and having it delivered to our dinner place since we're not having a reception

There's other things but they're totally not coming to mind right now. This is so stressful because no one's helping me (my cousin is totally offering to help and I'm so thankful she is!) and my MOH is totally not being my MOH! Ugh. And I'm not sure what our budget is and of course, not having Martin's input. Though I'm sure even if he was here it would probably still be "its up to you" but still! Then again I wanna see the look on his face when he walks in and the place looks amazing and I have a totally different dress on. So when I'm walking down the isle I can be like "ahaha got you sucka!" right?! Awesome if I do say so myself!

My "best friend" finally texted me this morning (a little after midnight) after not speaking to me for pretty much a month. She didnt contact me before or after my CAT scan, my engagement announcement and she flaked on my engagement party. She texted me saying she was crying cause she misses her best friend and she's been trying to get in touch but she doesnt know how oh and she's sorry. I dont know, I'm not in a forgiving mood. She's suppose to be my best friend and she totally blew me off when I needed her the most. Why should I forgive her? Not to mention all the crap I put up with for her. Like for one her psycho mom who blows up my phone, screaming at me on my voice mail and stopping by my house looking for her daughter even when I honestly have no idea where her lying ass daughter is! I'm just done with it all. I'm not gonna cover and deal with someone who obviously only comes to me when SHE needs ME. And blows me off when I'M the one in need. I dont know, am I being too harsh?

Oh and there's this guy who's been my friend for a few years who's totally clingy. Like say I'm busy one day and I dont get on AIM, the next day he'll pull the whole "you were ignoring me yesterday". I'm just argh. I wanna turn off my phone (but I dont cause I might miss Martin's call!) and just never get back on AIM!

*sigh*. Back to finding a dress.

I hope it brings you bliss.

2009-10-13T02:30:00.000-07:00

Me: I hope you're happy. Now that you're choosing this.
Martin: I hope it brings you bliss.
Me: I really hope you get it.
Martin: And you dont live to regret it.
Martin: I hope you're happy, in the end.
Me: I hope you're happy.
Me & Martin: My friend.

Yes, we sang a part of Defying Gravity to each other before saying goodbye. Does that make us lame? I dont really care. Its what we do, and it was actually really sad. I love you babe, I'm so proud of you. And I'm so thankful. You're my dream come true too, I'll be here waiting for you to come home. =(

----------

So he's shipping out in the morning, I'm feeling a little numb right now. We spent a lot of time yesterday talking, trying to laugh, staring at each other, hugging, crying and kissing. "Forever isnt enough time with you". It isnt, and yes. I want more time too. I tried my best to be strong and I was surprised at the fact that I was being the strong one and he wasnt. Then he said "every drive home, you'll be okay" and I cracked. I cant believe hes really going. This is surreal, this is insane. I dont think its fully hit me yet, I'm still awake. Waiting for him to IM me saying hes going to bed. Even though hes not online =\.

I dont know what I'm going to do.

Witchapalooza!

2009-10-10T11:49:00.000-07:00

Quick entry, I have a throbbing headache from yesterday. Dont you hate when you wake up and its still there?! But I'm not going to let it stop me from going to Witchapalooza today! Martin leaves in less than 5 days, and I'm trying to spend as much time with him as I can. Headache or not!

Will update later on the engagement party and Witchapalooza! =)

Thank you!

2009-10-04T00:32:00.000-07:00

Thank you everyone for the congrats on the engagement! I'm excited! Though my ring makes it hard to wash my hands. And every time he squeezes that hand, I wanna punch him in the face. It hurts! Haha. But I really like it, he did SO well. I think hes more amazed with it than I am though, I swear he wants to see it every five seconds.

I'm feeling mixed emotions. I'm excited because now I can plan the wedding and do all the exciting girly things (minus having someone to do them with which is why I'm hoping Marissa will be free for the next few months so I can drag her around with me lol)! But at the same time, I'm sad and anxious because it just makes everything so much more... real. Him leaving for Basic Training, him being gone for the next six or so months... not being able to talk to him for the first six and a half weeks he'll be gone... our lives changing and growing up. I think I'm scared of that the most. Seriously, just thinking about it is giving me a lump in my throat and making me super anxious.

Is this normal? To be excited but scared and anxious at the same time?

I'm excited to start a new life, to finally get to start my life with him. But I dont want to leave my parents. I dont want to move to somewhere random not knowing how far away I'll be. I dont want to be away from my dog and cat. I couldnt imagine calling any other room "my room". I know I can always come home. I know I can always call my mom and dad. But it wont be the same, you know? I'm 24, I'm suppose to had already left home... but still. It feels so... scary =(.

I'm ENGAGED!

2009-10-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to our High School so Martin could say bye to the teachers (we graduated five years ago and we still visit it often cause we were really close to our teachers when we were there so saying bye is kinda hard for us). We have this hallway that was like our hallway. It was in front of our History class and when we were in high school we would always chill at that corner before class.

This is what it looked like when you were standing against the wall. I know, our school looks super ghetto, its a continuation high school... what do you expect! It actually looks a lot nicer now that the walls are white (and surprisingly have stayed white the last year). It was all tagged and painted up when we were in high school lol. That door is where our history class was.

Well we were walking to the hallway to check if our science teacher was there, and she wasnt. We got there like half an hour after school ended so I had high hopes most teachers would still be there. Darn.

He pulled out his cell phone and was like "read this with me" and it was a list. It was a list of 100 reasons why he loves me. And mid list he goes "I love your eyes. I love your lips. I love your face." then after it, it said "I love how that just made you laugh" haha. What a punk! After the 100 list, he read off the poem that Robin Williams reads in "Patch Adams" (one of his favorite movies). By then, I was bawling my fuckin eyes out!! Haha. Then he turns to me and goes "baby I love you, will you marry me?" he didnt get on one knee or anything, which is fine. I was too busy crying into his shirt lol! Then once I stopped crying I asked him to marry me too =). We propose to each other, it makes things fair.

Our rings =).

Excuse the tags, I was going to update this on the beauty blog. But it got too long and personal, so I just moved it here =).

UGH.

2009-09-30T01:04:00.000-07:00

I'm so frustrated with myself right now that I just wanna go to sleep. Ever have those days? Nothing bad or irritating happened but you're just so down that you just wanna not do anything at all and just sleep? I dont think I've ever been so down that I didnt want to write about it.

I've got so much catching up to do, and not enough time to do anything. I hate this.

CAT Scan.

2009-09-25T01:19:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I gotta make this quick since I started a new thing today.

I'm gonna start sleeping at 1:30AM or earlier (its 1:20 right now)
I'm gonna drink a bottle of water a day
Eat healthier

The reason for this is because I'm suppose to see a headache person soon and I'm scared they'll send me to get an MRI. I'm sure my headache's are caused by stress, lack of sleep, bad eating and taking too much medicine. So I'm gonna try to fix things and see if it helps. I know its always good to have things checked but somehow I've developed a really bad fear to needles.

So, yesterday was my CAT scan! 12 hours before I was suppose to take the medicine which wasnt as bad as most people said it was (it wasnt good either). I was surprised it came in a small bottle which required you to mix it with any clear drink (water, sprite, apple juice, cranberry juice, etc) so I went for cranberry. Everyone says the medicine is salty so I figure the bitterness of the cranberry would cancel out the salt. It worked pretty well. It wasnt gross, unless it got warm and as long as I didnt gulp it cause then it tasted like medicine. I chased it with a popsicle lol. You're not suppose to eat 4hrs before your scan. I hope the popsicle didnt count!

The CAT scan itself wasnt so bad. It was quick. They have you put on a gown (but not require you to get completely naked) then they lay you down and you slide into this donut looking machine that tells you to hold your breath at certain times and slides you in and out of the donut thing. I didnt get the IV because I was too scared and I literally JUST finished my last dose of medicine 20 minutes before I got there, so I figure I'd be good. She said that sometimes you can get away with not taking the IV (where they inject more iodine into your system) so I'm hoping I can! If the images dont show up well enough, I'll have to retake them. And I'm hoping I dont! While the procedure wasnt that bad and the medicine wasnt as bad as everyone makes it sound, I wouldnt want to go through that again! I know I shoulda just took the IV, but I was too scared and now I regret it =(. *sigh*.

The after effects of the medicine have made me pee, A LOT. A lot a lot. And have made me poo a lot too since I got home. Blah!

Alright, bed time. Sorry for being so MIA-ish, things are getting complicated.

Stomach Pains.

2009-09-22T01:02:00.000-07:00

So an update on the stomach pains... I went to the hospital the next day and she did the usual check up stuff and she set an appt for a CAT scan and she sent in a request for the headache specialist since I told her about my frequent headaches. Which sucks cause I've been asking my previous doctors to send me (I've had this problem for the last 6 years) and they always refused. So I'm happy about that. I'm not happy about the CAT scan or the pages of lab work I have to get done.

My CAT scan is in a few days and honestly, I'm terrified. I dont wanna take the "drink of doom" (or what I call it) and I dont wanna be stuck with an IV in my arm/hand and getting an iodine shot! It just sounds miserable and painful. Worst 15-30 minutes of my life. I hope I dont chicken out and end up cancelling it. My mom and Martin want to make sure I get it done. Cause what if something IS wrong? And I'm just being a baby about it. But I'm really really really... really really scared. Like seriously, every time I think about it, I get nauseous and I start feeling sick. Ugh. What do I do?!

So I'm gonna be busy this week. I'm also going to see the Wizard of Oz 70th anniversary in theaters. I also found out that the original Elphaba (Idina) played NANCY on Enchanted! And shes married to Taye Diggs (one of my favorite actors) and Galinda (Kristin) played Olive on Pushing Dasies! I hated Nancy in Enchanted and Olive creeped me out ahaha. Funny and odd right? I think Idina makes a wonderful Elphaba! I hope they're in the movie when they make one. Ahhh. I wanna see it again!

I told my bro for my wedding gift I want Wicked tickets and hes like "so what if EVERYONE bought you Wicked tickets?" and I was like "OMG I'm so excited! That's a wonderful idea" hahaha he thought I was nuts.

Not even the Wicked soundtrack is cheering me up (okay maybe it, a little). I feel like ugh. =(

No matter how they try to destry him.. let him never die, let him never die...

2009-09-15T21:06:00.001-07:00

As Long As You're Mine.

I am obsessed with this song. I love how dark and how seductive and how secret it is. If you saw the musical you'd know what I'm talkin about. It's just, I dont know. That "I dont know how much longer I have with you" theme going on. It's always something exciting and depressing at the same time.

I've been obsessed with this song too. The scene after "As Long As You're Mine". I love this song because you can hear her anxiety, you can feel how bad she feels. How much she wants to save Fieyro. How sorry she is. How misunderstood she was. How everything and everyone just turned against her. It was like her breaking point. She accepted that they thought she was a wicked witch when she knew she wasnt. All she wanted to do was help. I love how much emotion is put into it and how much emotion it stirs up.

I've seriously been listening to these two songs over and over for the last 36 hours. I cant get enough of Wicked! I'm utterly obsessed. And I love it! I seriously want to see this musical again. At least 10 more times! No joke!

Dang, the last time I was this obsessed with something was Ryan Cabrera back in 05' haha. Dont you love things that can make you emotional?

Wicked!

2009-09-14T01:30:00.000-07:00

Saturday was my grandpa's birthday. And in memory of him, I decided to go see Wicked. I had wanted to see this since I heard it was playing in our area and originally had wanted to see it for my birthday, but I ended up going to Disneyland instead and I thought they were going to end but they extended it so I decided to go for his birthday (and I found out they extended our showing again).

We sat in the balcony. Like literally, the very very VERY top row. I liked our seats, they were easy to find, we were on the end and you could see the whole stage from up there. But you could see peoples faces. I still really enjoyed it. In fact, I kinda wanna see it again =). I've been obsessed since I got home. Watching it on youtube, planning to buy the soundtrack lol. Oh! I got a flying monkey plushie, a hat and a witch hat keychain. I LOVE witch hats! I'm sad this is the only picture I took. I was all nice and dressed up and I didnt get a chance to take a picture with the poster. I'm really bummed out about that... extremely bummed out to be honest.

I had something else to update on, and I dont remember what it was. Hmm.

I'm going to be doing a mini jewelry sale soon, gonna be announcing some mark. store promo's, going to be adding more pieces to my crafts blog. Its just this wire wrapping that's frustrating me. Blah! I'll get it down someday.

I wanna go on a NYX haul but ugh, I dont need any more makeup! I need to get rid of makeup! Not buy more. I have a few China Glaze and a bunch of OPI nail polishes I dont want anymore, should I put them up for sale? Can you even ship nail polish?!

Days are passing too quickly, Martin's leaving sooner and sooner :(

I made a military-ish blog here. Its not gonna be detailed like another one that I have (thats friends only) because I dont wanna violate anything. I didnt want it to get mixed up with all my other stuff.

Oh! I missed ONE day of taking birth control and the next day I got my period. You know how usually you spot? Well, I didnt spot. I got my full blown period. It sucks!!! At least now I know what happens when I miss a day, right? AND I'm drinking Pepsi. Why do you always crave the things that make you cramp when you're on your period? It tastes so good but its so painful! Argh.

Memories are still vivid...

2009-09-12T00:54:00.000-07:00

I was doing laundry last night and I was waiting for the washer to get done, so I walked around in circles downstairs. I was standing in the dining room for who knows what reason. I remember the first time I ever set foot in this house. New Years Eve. I remember left over Christmas cookies. Brand new couches. It was night time and the living room was HUGE and empty. The piano, of course. The piano. The little lamp you spent time finding. Teaching me how to play "happy birthday" by tapping the key I should press next.

The dining room table. I was standing right next to where you use to sit when you'd tell me to take my medicine. I can still see you sitting in the chair and me standing in front of you, leaning on the table. A small clear club with pink cough surup between us. It always took me forever to take medicine. You knew I hated taking medicine! But you were always so patient with me. Always. I always asked you not to watch me cause it made me nervous so one day you made up a game. You'd turn around, close your eyes and count to three. Then turn back around and by then it should be gone. I wish you were here. I still hate medicine. I still play that game pretending you're here. That was 19 years ago.

The couch, the kitchen, the tv in the family room. "I want my ramen with a lottt of rice!" while watching Return to Oz when I probably should had been sleeping. Martin attempts to make it the way you do, because he knows it'll make me happy. And I appreciate it, but I miss the way you made it. In memory of you, this year. I'm going to see Wicked.

I remember your tape recorder and the pouch you made for it. It was green and it had a string that you pulled and it would scrunch closed. I remember you telling me to talk to it when you first got it and I remember you recording yourself playing the piano. I remember your ring! Your gold ring, the flat front side with the black gem in front and the calligraphy S in the middle. I remember asking you if you ever have trouble taking it off since I could never pull it off and you always showed me the soap trick. I asked you a lot of silly questions. And I bothered you endlessly, but you never seemed to mind.

You're probably standing next to me right now. Dont worry, I'm not crying cause I'm sad. I'm crying because I miss you. Now that I'm older, there's so much more I want to know. So many more questions I want to ask. Martin would had loved to had met you. And I would had loved for you to had met him, here. In our time. I wish you were here to see all the crafty things I try to do everyday. I know you'd be proud. I know you'd encourage me and tell me not to give up. You always did, whenever I wanted to give up. Maybe its better you're not here anymore, things changed when you left.

I remember sitting on your lap, in the living room of my mom's old house in the Philippines. Before we left for the airport. I remember saying "you're not coming home?" and you said "I will, later. I'm going to stay a little longer."

I still remember our last conversation over the phone. You never came home. I had a feeling it would be our last. I couldnt tell you that I was sorry for all the times I said I hated you when I was angry. I couldnt tell you I missed you and I just wanted you to come home already. I told you about my science project. The first one I had to do without your help. "Good job. I knew you could do it".

I remember the phone call. And my mom busting into tears. I remember running up to my room and crying. I didnt have to ask what happened.

The last time I was at your grave I promised I'd come back after high school. I'm sorry I havent. Its not completely on purpose. Airplanes are painful for me, I'm sure you've seen. It shouldnt had stopped me from coming back. Thank you for telling me in my dream the last time not to worry about it and to focus on school. Mama said it sounded like something you'd say if you were still here. I do feel bad about it, I know you probably dont want me to, sorry. I'll be coming back soon though, I want you to meet Martin. I'm sure you already have, but you know, can I introduce you this time? If that was you.

Happy Birthday Lolo. I love you. I miss you. I'll try not to cry the rest of the day, but no promises.

Life just is.

2009-09-10T17:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life gets a hold of me and sometimes it reminds me of my reality. And everything comes crashing down. And its so hard to push it away to remind myself that this doesnt have to be my reality anymore. I'm old enough to make my own, to fix my own life the way I see fit. And I thought by now I would have, I had been planning to for so long... but its not. I'm nearing my mid-twenties and nothing has changed. Maybe that's why I dont feel like I'm my age, maybe that's why I still feel like I'm 18. Cause nothing has changed.

I worry about you and I dont know if I should anymore. Its been five years since we last talked, and I cant help but sometimes worry. And I cant tell you how hard it is not to text you to see if you're okay late at night. Or to knock on your door and ask you if you want me to get you anything on my way out. You hate me, I get it. You've always hated me. Our entire childhood. I get it. I dont understand why or what I did that was so wrong and honestly, I dont think you do either. And I try not to worry. I try not to care. And some days its hard not to, like today. And I wish I could ask you if you're okay. But I know you wont care that I care. So I dont ask.

Its hot today, and I wish it wasnt. I'm over this heat. My fan is blowing hot air at me. My parents are both taking naps (thats how you know its hot, when both your parents end up napping for no reason). I should be getting ready to go to dinner with the boyfriend, but I'm just not in the mood anymore.

On a lighter note, I had a good random day in Oakland and Alameda yesterday. Going to places of his childhood again. Beautiful shopping centers, beaches with seashells and clear water (and lots and lots of gnats... damn them for ruining the prettyness of the beach), Panera Bread dinners at sunset next to a fireplace, trying disgusting fish oil chews that look/smell like Starburst (oh what a lie!)... it was a nice day out. Wish everyday could be like that.

Holidays.

2009-09-07T19:23:00.000-07:00

I think I got the previous problem fixed. I scanned my PC two more nights in a row and now everything should be good. I finally got around to updating my food blog, I'm so sad I've been neglecting it. I need to update my Flickr and my domain too. Keeping up with too many blogs is such a hassle. But so much fun at the same time.

I need to back up my files too, thinking about reformatting my entire PC, its been a year since I've had it and I figure I might as well before it beats me to it and crashes, right? Cause no one likes it when their PC's crash... its just that... all my video games!! Like FFXI, Asda Story, Runes of Magic, Luna... I dont wanna re-downloading them all over again and have to go through the updates. Especially FFXI, their update is freakin 14hrs long. I hate dealing with that stupid update! But I figure I should reformat this thing soon.

Its starting to feel more like fall, but the heat is still... going strong. I can not wait until it starts to get much cooler around here! Trying to sell off a bunch of makeup/stuff since I'm moving next year and I obviously cant bring my whole room with me. It's just hard parting with things. I'm one of those people that even if it has slight sentimental meaning to it, I wont throw it out. Like seriously, I still have the outfit I wore on me and my boyfriend's first date around here somewhere. No lie. I havent worn it in like 4 years but I cant just throw it out, you know?! I dont know... blah!

Super excited for this weekend! Trying out Melting Pot with one of my good friends and going to see Wicked. After that, counting down the days til Martin leaves. Not sure if I'm gonna drop him off the night before he leaves or stop by the morning he leaves to see him swear in before leaving. Its just that, that's at 9AM and where hes gonna be is a 2hr drive from where I am. So that means I'm gonna have to wake up super early and I have no one to come with me (I have this insane fear of driving on the freeway alone). So, I dont know =( but I do want to be with him right before he leaves, you know? *sigh*.

I'm so thankful that one of my good friends always ends her sentence with "its okay! we'll figure something out...!" its nice to know shes excited to help me through this. I know, sounds weird right? But, she gets it. And I'm glad she does. Only sucks that she lives way across the bridge from me and my other really good friend lives an hour or two away from me! Damn you guys! Its okay though. Argh, I hate thinking about him leaving, I get all sad!

So its... Labor Day? And I dont know what that means lol. My family isnt too big on holidays. All I know is that its a day that would be a bad idea to go out so its a stay-home-holiday LOL. My favorite hosting company had a promo and I missed it by 2 hours but I tried it anyway and it worked! So I'm excited, I'm going to be setting up a blog/site for me and Martin. Yay! Did laundry today... yep. Hellur exciting right? Haha. I need to clean out this room. My desk is making me feel very... distracted. OH! One of my necklaces fell and so I tried to fix it and ALL of my necklaces ended up tangled together. I'm so bad. I just left the clump on my desk. Trying to untangle that crap is going to suck!

Trojan's.

2009-09-05T11:02:00.000-07:00

I scanned my PC last night and woke up this morning to my virus scan (McAfee) saying it found 24 trojan's. Two of which were linked to my online game. Wtf?! I'm so sad it found trojan's... I've had this PC for a year and managed to not get any. It's like every time I get a PC that has a virus, I dont wanna use it anymore. Even if it is quarantined. What if it escapes?! =(

UGH. Stupid internet and your stupid viruses! This didnt start happening til I started using Google Chrome! Does anyone know if it's protected against viruses? Cause I know my Mozilla has a bar at the bottom that tells me if a site is or isnt infected. Blah!

Getting my hair done...

2009-09-04T16:45:00.001-07:00

Every time I get my hair done I always have to get it re-done because it
somehow ends up messed up. Blah. Being under the heater makes me sleepy.
Martin's 10 feet away from me playing his new PSP game. I'm glad he
remembered his PSP or he woulda been bored lol.

Blogging on a sidekick is a bit hard. My thumbs already ache!! Haha
crazy. I think my hair dressers trying to fry my hair. I've been under
here for half an hour already!

Gotta make a few stops for some jewelry supplies today. Have a few
requests to fill. Hopefully I find what I'm looking for.

Read a sad email Martin wrote me last year to try to pass time... I
forgot how sad it was. On the verge of crying at the hair salon isn't
the best idea lol. There are people here!! I hate when my friends just
assume Martin & I just always get along. Cause at one point we didn't.
At one point our relationship was beyond horrible and I just hate when
people assume we're effortless. Things honestly weren't fixed til the
beginning of this year. And we've been together for 5 years. So there
was a lot of learning going on. *sigh*.

In happier news.....! We picked up my ring today! They got it down to a
3! It fits perfect. And its really pretty! But he won't let me have it
til he proposes. Lameee haha. I can't wait for my official one (this one
is a temp. I don't get my official one til next month after he
leaves)!!

Its kinda crazy to think we're really getting married!! And kinda scary!
The time is passing too fast! But I love my boo bear & I wouldn't trade
him or any of our fucked up struggles for anything.
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

I thought the heat was over!

2009-09-01T16:17:00.000-07:00

It was super cold last night and now today its really really warm. I'm not gonna say hot cause its not super I-cant-breathe hot but its between really warm and lightweight hot. Point is, its not cold! Wth!

I had some Micky D's today and its not agreeing with my stomach. Lately nothing I've been eating has been. I think I have a lightweight stomach flu or something. Its really frustrating. Or maybe I just need to stop drinking soda cause my stomach hurts really bad when I drink soda these days too. Sick almost. Its just hard when your parents buy a billion boxes of soda. I know its cheaper, but damn.

Had my first argument with my bestie last night. I think she's making the worst choice of her life and its not like me to butt in someones life and be like "excuse me, but that's a dumb move" but I'd just hate to see her do something stupid. She always says that she dates assholes but if you think about it... look at where she meets these guys! She finally finds someone who could be really good to her and shes being stupid. Argh, just makes me mad. I know it shouldnt and it is her life but you know, shes my best friend. I just want her to be happy too. It only took us 10 years to finally have an actual argument where I was actually yelling at her. I'm glad she doesnt hate me for it, and she was actually considering what I was saying... and whining LOL. And it hit a point where she was like "dude, you're tired of arguing with me, arent you?" and I was like "yeah sometimes I just hit a point where I'm like you know what fuck it do what you want" and shes like "yeah, I can totally tell" haha!

I went through a bunch of my makeup bags and I found some more stuff I'm wiling to get rid of. There's still more but I havent gotten that far into my closet just yet. I'm also going to be selling DVD's/CD's/video games but that's gonna take a whole 'nother day to sort though. So far I have one movie up for sale. I just gotta edit the pictures (dont you hate when on camera they dont look dark but on the PC, they look darker?) and post them. So check my blog sale for new items! All this stuff is either again not used, swatched a few times or used once.

Had a hit of inspiration this morning for some Disney inspired jewelry. So I'm on the hunt for a couple of findings/crystals and I'm going to write it down this time so I dont forget!! So, hopefully in a week or two I'll have some new Disney inspired up on my crafts blog. I'm thinking of what I'm going to release for my Fall set but nothing is coming to mind right now. I might have to scatter my crystals around and hope that something hits me. I just gotta get something new up soon.

I'm hungry =( but I'm scared nothing's going to agree with my stomach right now. The thought of food is making my stomach curl. Ugh.

I have this fear of getting cavities (part of why I'm so bent on not drinking soda anymore) and even after I have a cavity filled, I still think its not and it'll still ache. I guess cause I still think about it constantly. And I mean constantly. So I set an appt next week and since my insurance ran out when I turned 23, its going to cost $266 for an xray, cleaning and fluoride. Insane right? I need insurance. Martin needs to hurry up and marry me! Haha. I think thats one of the things he's gonna say to my parents when he talks to them later this week "you know, I can pay her bills -- cause we all know how bad those are... and she'll get insurance -- cause we all know how she's constantly sick..." haha. He's the best. He's already told me I have no choice, I have to get eyesight surgery. And I'm terrified, but he thinks I'll go blind. He's also going to find a way to fix my back (I have an extreme bad habit of slouching). But I do love that he cares about my health so much. I'm going to really miss him when he leaves. Who am I gonna call in the middle of the night when I have bad dreams, paranoia or intrusive thoughts? *sigh*. OCD + your support system gone = not a good thing. But he's being strong for us, so I have to be strong too. It's only fair.

Friday Five!

2009-08-28T23:53:00.000-07:00

Yay!!! I remembered! =D

1. How’s your tolerance for alcohol?

Not sure, higher than I remember since it takes more than one Smirnoff to get me buzzed anymore. I stopped drinking a lonnng time ago though. I think the last time I drank was Aug 7th 08'.

2. How’s your tolerance for noisy neighbors?
Not sure, I've never really had noisy neighbors.

3. How’s your tolerance for physical pain?
Extremely low. I hate physical pain. I'm such a pussy when it come sto physical pain (I think I'd pass out from pain if I were ever in labor. Seriously).

4. How’s your tolerance for intolerant people?
Low.

5. How’s your tolerance for bad music?
Very very low. I dont listen to the radio much anymore actually.

Wanna do Friday Five too? Visit this link: http://www.friday5.org

Ace, State Fair annnd..... the talk.

2009-08-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

First of all, today's my dad's birthday!! I made him a key chain but I was in such a hurry since I came home late last night from the CA State Fair that I didnt get a chance to take pictures (or put the last biocone on it, darn).

So yeah, yesterday was the State Fair! We look forward to this every year and sadly, this is our last CA State Fair. We start off the day at Arden Mall (OMG I was so excited they had my Ruby Thai place there!!) and we got a Build-A-Bear! We were due, we get one every other year I think. We have really weird traditions that happen on accident. I really wanted the Autumn bear after Barbz had mentioned it. So, that's what we got. I dont think I'm gonna post every picture from the State Fair. I didnt get to splurge on yummy fair food because they didnt have a big selection this year (I wanted the deep fried smores, but that's not extreme or fun!) and because my stomach hasnt liked anything I've been eating lately. We also got there later than usual and didnt have time to do everything we wanted =(. I did get a chance to practice my photography, I dont know where my shutter speed option is so... that really sucks lol.

Here's Ace, naked.

Yay!! All dressed up in his uniform!

A pin we got from the USAF table at the fair.

I picked out the bear, and Martin dressed him and named him. "See, now you'll remember exactly when I left" lol. Fall has a whole new meaning now, doesnt it? I love Fall, Fall reminds me of Martin. And this is the first Fall I'll have in the last six years without him. And he's gonna be gone for our first date anniversary! I know, its silly I celebrate that right? But hey it was an epic turning point in my life. Seriously.

So, The Talk. I was doing my laundry this morning, you know. Minding my own business... and my mom goes "so... are you guys getting married" I shrugged and try to play it off. But I'm horrible at lying! I use to be so good at it! Now I feel so guilty! My former best friend told me it was a shitty trait. Being honest. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I dont. Depends I guess. Anyway, I ended up telling her our plans and she said the same thing as Martin "for now you can just sign papers at a court house" NO MOTHER, I CANT. Argh! I told her if I'm gonna be rushed into it, I'll be rushed into it with at least SOME class. I want it to be at least a little special. But she's happy, actually she looked excited. She was like "we just want someone who will take care of you and Martin has". It meant a lot to me that she said that. I told her I felt too young to get married and she laughed at me! My mom laughed at me! Her reply was "well, you guys have been together for a long time". How is this funny mother?! It almost felt like she was saying "okay, you can go off and play" type of thing. They know we're never apart. And I'm sure my parents can tell how hard I'm going to take him being gone. I'm sure they're preparing themselves for this. My mom finds me predictable, its probably because she's my mother. But I'm happy she does. I told her I didnt want to leave home and she kept telling me it was okay. Everything will be fine. And she promised to watch my kitty and puppers while I'm gone. Well, they're the family pets but you know, I spend a lot of time with them. It was an awkward talk, but I'm glad she's happy for me. I told her Martin still wanted her permission and she kept saying "we're okay with it" and I was like "hes asking anyway!"

This is just.... awkward lol.

Jewelery.

2009-08-23T22:58:00.000-07:00

So for fall, I had a few things in mind and I was really excited about it because as I've mentioned a million times, I'm hardly creative so when I think of something, I get really excited. Fall happens to be my favorite season so I knew I was going to make something fall themed but I had a hard time thinking of what. I recently bought the leaf pendant from Michael's to compare it with the one from a bead store and since I had it, I tried of something to pair it with and figure I can make it for my fall project. So I bought the crystals I wanted to pair it with but...

Today DSK released something exactly what I had in mind and I got really sad, to be honest because now I cant release it since she already released hers and I dont want her to think I copied her.

I was telling my boyfriend about it and he hates when I find something I like doing and suddenly I quit. I'm big on quitting things before I start, so when I actually start, he wants me to keep going cause its hard for me to keep going. I get discouraged extremely easily (which is why I took up jewelry making, not only is it super challenging for me but its gonna be an even bigger challenge not to quit). And he was asking me not to quit and telling me I'm doing good and he wants me to keep making jewelry.

Which is really sweet cause I know how much he HATES coming with me to bead store after bead store after bead store after bead store day after day after day. And I know its a struggle for him to be patient while I spend hours in bead stores trying to find something I like because I know for him being there is boring. And for him to say he doesnt want me to quit means so much to me. So for him, I wont quit. I'll just have to think of something else. Fall isnt leaving any time soon, I still have time...

* * * * *

The place we bought my ring from came across some problems. Because of the diamonds on my ring, its actually going to take 62 days for them to resize it to my size (3). So it wont be done til the end of October. Martin's leaving in a few weeks, meaning, when I get my ring, he wont be here. So I had to turn in my ring model they gave me and they're going to size that one down as low as they can and put a ring guard in it to make it even smaller (hopefully they get it down enough to actually fit me, please!) and that will take 10 business days. So we'll have that ring by September and when they're done with my ring, I'll have to go in and trade it. Damn you diamonds, you're making this whole process that much harder!! However, I do love my ring and he does too, and when you guys see it, I'm sure you'll agree its worth the wait. *cough* Mae please come with me to pick it up!! And my dress too?? Pleaseeee!! *cough*.

I hate how everything is being rushed through. It doesnt feel like there's enough time to get everything done, I knew there would be set backs... there's always set backs especially since everything of mine is so tiny to the point where everything has to be special ordered. That's no surprise. I'm 5'1 and 85/90 pounds (depends on if I'm having a good week or not, I dont have a solid weight). So of course there will be set backs.

There's also a bunch of other set backs I dont really wanna mention cause its just gonna stress me out more. Grrr. I'ma go play some FarmVille on Facebook, I'm totally addicted to that game lol!

Fatigue.

2009-08-21T20:52:00.000-07:00

Took the boyfriend running by a pier today. He's been complaining about it since he's leaving for basic soon and out of shape. So we headed over there an he had me jog with him. I'm horrible when it comes to running! We walked down then jogged back and stopped for a break in the middle. Looking back, the jog didnt seem THAT long, but it was about a mile and a half. I was super tired after that. He drove to this bead store I was thinking of checking out, and I was rather disappointed with it. Everything was SUPER high priced (a 6MM biocone for .50 each?!) there was a really nice chain I wanted but it was $19.50/foot! Hells no! Ugh. After that we went to David's Bridal to check out some dresses I picked out and one of the ones I picked out was PERFECT. I'm super excited, I'm gonna order it as soon as I get the "okay" from the parents! We found the ring, the dress... now we just need to tell my parents... ehhh.

Man, I miss this fatigue feeling! It reminds me of starting Cardio Kickboxing! I'd always come home and take naps from being so sore/tired. Its a great feeling. I should go jogging more often! Haha. The only thing I dont like about it is, you know how when you're super tired you get sad/mad faster haha. Yeah... I ordered the wrong size beads... again. And they came in today. I was wondering why they were smaller and I looked at my invoice and I guess I ordered EVERYTHING in 4MM instead of 6MM. UGH! So now, I dont know what to do cause I cant work on the projects I've been waiting to do! Grrr this is the 2nd time I've done this. So yeah, pretty bummed about that.

Kinda random but... do you guys bugs on your window sill (is that what its called)? I get a lot of baby spiders and baby silverfish. It drives me NUTS. I end up spraying them with body spray but sometimes they dont die and they play dead and run off. And I have to find them again and I end up soaking them with body spray til they curl up. I should just Raid them but I dont want to waste my Raid. I really need to vacuum my window area soon, its driving me nuts. I never ever ever open my window cause the last time I did, I saw a HUGE spider slip in and out of my room through my window and I havent opened it since so when you pull up my blinds hella webs end up flying out (from being broken) that too, is gross. Damn OCD, you make everything 10x worse lol.

So much for a good day.

2009-08-21T01:11:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was suppose to be a good day! I got my Gossip Girl season 2, I got the stuff I wanted from the MAC Makeup Artist Collection, I got to go to Joann's again... and we went engagement ring shopping (again, I feel like I'm too young to be doing this).

But! I was at a stop light where you can turn right or go straight and I had stopped because of the crosswalk, well someone came up behind me. They crashed into my bumper, scraped the left side of my car and DROVE OFF. Yes, DROVE OFF! The guy was well aware that he hit my car and sped off anyway!! My boyfriend was PISSED. He copied down the guys license plate number, wrote down the time, description of the guy and the type of car. I went to look at the damage and I thought it was just a few small scratches on my bumper until my boyfriend looked on the left side and saw a gap between the side of my car and the tire part. UGH! I just got my car back from the last accident! Now I have to take it to the shop again and its gonna take who knows how long to get it fixed again and Martin leaves in less than six weeks!!! This is complete utter bullshit! Karma my ass, what did I do to deserve two accidents in the spam of three months. Seriously?!

I'm in such a bad mood, its not even funny. Martin's telling me to calm down, hes leaving soon and he doesnt want me to be sad/mad during his last few weeks here but man! I cant help it! Not only that but the ENTIRE day people were passing me up as soon as I turned on my blinker to switch lanes on the freeway all day long. Why do people do that? Seriously what difference does it make if someone who's 20 feet in front of you in the next lane over needs to get in front of you to take an exit? Why must you speed up and ruin their chance of taking the exit? HOW DOES THAT BENEFIT YOU? Why why why!!! Arghhhh!!!

On a happier note I did find a really pretty engagement ring (even if it is going to take four weeks to get here and Martin leaves in oh... I dont know... five?) however it just means now I have to marry Martin. Dating someone for 5 1/2 years and marrying them is something completely different and a huge part of me is probably going to say no as a first response. I'm sure he's expecting it. I hope he is lol!

I was more excited about going to Joann's to look at beads than I was to pick up my MAC stuff, how weird is that? My obsessions are switching, I feel it! That scares me.

My friend wanted my star chain as a bracelet by itself, I'm thinking of making one, it might turn out really cute. With a star toggle, we'll see.

Oh, another rant. I know this might sound childish but it really did hurt my feelings!! A few weeks ago I made an ELF social networking site (as you guys probably saw on the beauty blog) and ELF had re-tweeted it... three times. Well... a week after that... they released their own social networking site. Had they released this before re-tweeting mine, maybe I wouldnt be so butt hurt over something this silly, but they didnt. It felt like they got the idea from me, didnt give me credit and totally just tried to make mine seem worthless. Personally, it really hurt my feelings. To the point where I havent been on the ELF site since. And you guys know how big of an ELF fan I am! Am I being silly over this? Martin says I should email them and let them know it hurt my feelings, but I'm sure to them I'm just a disposable customer. I dont know, maybe I'll just let it go and shut down my social networking site. Or maybe I'll let them know. Its just bugging me and I dont think its that big of a deal to mope about. *shrug*.

Crystals!

2009-08-19T14:42:00.000-07:00

I've been home the last two days because my dad had to fix my car and I figured I could get some updating done.

Well, I kinda thought wrong.

Yesterday my mom was bugging me about how to register for her high school's site, even though the instructions are on the page. I dont get why parents think the internet is some epic space somewhere and you can just somehow break it. I taught myself how to use the internet, its not rocket science. I pay attention to the links, words and symbols! So it was hard getting something done when every five minutes my mom was knocking on my door saying "come check this, NOW" mom, I'm 24, you cant just demand me to check something. And when I tell her I'm busy she goes off saying "what are you doing that you're so busy you cant help me?!"

Did my parents forget my boyfriend's leaving for basic in less than six weeks? Or that I'm in charge of the bills and I obviously have to set up a bunch of shit, verify a bunch of shit, renew a bunch of shit and fix a bunch of shit before he leaves? Right, because I'm never busy. Right? It just frustrates me. Again, I'm 24, I have a life, I have responsibilities. But, whatever.

Last night I was writing a blog, a rather epic blog. Then my dad calls. To tell me that there's food on the table, even though he clearly just saw me get dinner. My "zone" was gone. I scrapped the blog. So much for that thought. Dont you hate that? When you're in this zone and someone just goes and ruins it? I'm going to start blogging in my car, I shit you not.

Oh then my former best friend who went from being awesome to the biggest douchebag I ever met since he got back with his ex girlfriend was being as always, a douchebag. I posted a link of Bow Wow's song "Regret" on my Facebook profile, and he leaves a comment talking about how Bow Wow "is a hoover and blows like the wind" wtf does that mean, I'm not entirely sure. So I reply saying "Again, keep the hate to yourself. Kthx." and he replies with "uh no. and you're the last person to tell me to keep the hate to myself. how've you been?" FUCK YOURSELF. Its MY profile, I can post whatever the fuck I want and I'm so damn tired of him saying something fuckin retarded about everything he knows I'm a fan of. I dont go on his page and tell him how stupid he is since all he does is drink even if I do think its stupid. If you dont like something either 1) dont respond or 2) get the fuck off my page! Arghhhhhh.

Man, I feel so much better now. Okay seriously, on to happier things.

So like I said, Martin's leaving in less than six weeks, and I'm not sure if its enough time to do everything we want to do, I mean... it is, as far as places we want to go/things we want to see (you never know just how much there is to do in your area until you're forced to leave it, kinda weird, right?) but the bigger thing is, he's planning to ask my parents for permission to marry me. And I know he probably doesnt have to since we've been together for five years and they know he's always willing to take care of me and that he always does take care of me. Them opening the door at 7AM with my boyfriend standing there while I'm still asleep sick isnt something new to them (keep in mind, he has to walk for an hour to get to my house since he has no car). They're always happy to see him (and so are my dog and cat), they make his favorite food when he comes over, and they dont trust me to go out unless hes with me. Oh and my favorite -- they tell him to get me to sleep early/drink water/go set an appointment/etc. But its cute that he still wants to ask for their permission. I told him I wasnt going to be in the room for that, I know they wont be mad. But I think I'd be more worried if they were happy. I still think I'm wayy too young to get married, even if I am 24. Our whole relationship I've looked for my future ring, but I decided I want him to surprise me. He surprised me with my first engagement ring (we were 19 at the time, does that still count? But I mean he did get down on one knee in front of EVERYONE at Disneyland... but still!) and I want him to surprise me with this one. But hes taking too long to choose one! LOL! I'm so impatient!

With that said, if everything goes to plan, I'd have to move sometime early next year when he gets his first base. So I did a makeup sale for things I barely used... and that's not even all of it! I cant carry all my makeup with me and I dont really plan to. So I'm gonna get rid of most of it.

I dont know if anyone else has this problem, but Firefox has been freezing/lagging/crashing (mid blog too) on me a lot. Like, at least twice everyday. And I'm just so sick of it. I use IE sometimes, but not for a long period of time. Martin suggested using Google Chrome. I'm hesitant to download browsers I've never heard of, but I figure... its google it cant be that harmful to my computer! So far, its pretty good. It's fast and smooth. But its ugly!!! Haha. But whatever gets me to blog without being crashed on I suppose lol.

So the title, Crystals.

I've been visiting all these different bead stores in the Bay Area. Like I'm seriously going swarovski crystal crazy! I cant help it, they're so... pretty! Been doing some requests for my friends. A friend of mine requested something and all she said was "black" haha. It was fun running around the store looking for something that'd look good together. And it was even nicer that Martin was helping me the whole time. I love when he gets into what I'm doing, the only thing is hes like a total kid in bead stores he touches everything. He plays with everything. I'm constantly having to tell him to put something down lol. I have a huge order from a bead site coming in hopefully soon, so I can get started on some stuff I have in mind for fall. I just have no idea how to get people to notice my stuff or how to start selling it. Then again I'm always in that mind set that my stuff isnt that good anyway. Especially anything artsy I do. And I really need to stop thinking that, some of my stuff (graphics and crafts) are decent. 1 out of 100 are really good. Its just... hard (thats a whole different entry on its own).

I think I got everything bugging me off my mind. Now I can get to work.

You stand watching.

2009-08-15T00:16:00.000-07:00

I will never leave this part of you, again.

SPiNNiNG: With You Gone by Ryan Cabrera.

Ryan Cabrera reminds me falling asleep on the ferry on late Fall afternoons on the way home from a long day in culinary school. It reminds me of 4AM mornings with Starbucks and chocolate covered donut hole piles, getting dressed in the hallway in front of class room. Of catching the F from Powell to Embarcadero. Of my favorite part of the day -- browsing Miette while waiting for the ferry after school. Of walking up and down hills. Of "hello chef" from the same homeless person I saw on my way to the muni everyday.

Of walking to the bathroom in the middle of cakes class to see my boyfriend sleeping on the bench in the hallway. Stealing a kiss from him before running into the bathroom. And stealing another kiss before running back to class. Of coming home after a tiring day to my boyfriend waiting for me in the garage after walking to my house to get there when I do.

Of the many accomplishments I had in baking and never baking a day in my life. Of being stuck "in the zone" of something I was passionate about and loving every single tired waking moment of it. Of knife accidents, cuts, burns, exploding cakes, water that was way too hot.

Early mornings, late afternoons. Accomplishments. Knocking out on the ferry. Starbucks employee's who knew what I wanted and charged me before I could say a word. My choco covered donuts (which I never found after being in CCA -- 4 years ago, I still crave them!). Sugar, flour, lemon zest... I miss you. I miss that experience. I miss how happy I was (before it was ruined). I'm glad something as simple as a song can take me back to it. I'll never forget it.

Thank you for waking up early with me, for sitting outside my class room for 8 long hours for me, for all your support. I know you STILL think it was the most random choice of my life, but thank you, for believing in me then and now, even though I havent baked in years. One day, you still owe me a kitchenaid =).

Hey guys!

2009-08-13T00:14:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh! Every time I sit down and get ready to write a blog or a review on the beauty blog, something comes up and I have to leave the computer/house! That and its just been so hot here (and I dont have AC at my house) that its just ughh. I have to go out to somewhere that has AC! Even if its just sitting in my car outside! Haha. I know, what a total waste of gas!

My boyfriend's birthday went nice and smooth! He was surprised at all his birthday surprises! I made him a birthday omlette (basically copied what he put in my first birthday breakfast he made me five years ago) and keep in mind, this is the first time I actually really tried to make one and it came out great! Coulda used more salt, but came out great! I was so happy and surprised! I'm glad he liked it! Thanks to my mama and daddy for helping me put together the surprise!! Then we spent some time at Nickle City and played a ton of games then headed to the outlets in Gilroy! OMG, biggest outlets I've ever seen! We had a ton of fun just walking around talking. The CCO was okay. Not as big as I thought it would be... but I did find MAC Rollickin Paint Pot!!! I've been tracking this down for months! Martin was excited I found it too, I've been talking about it forever! I also got a MAC pigment that I wanted a few days prior. Its discounted, so why not. Then headed back to my house and cooked dinner together and ate while watching Mansers. Then he fell asleep. Awww. Sleepy birthday boo!!

The next day I surprised him without telling him where we were going. The GPS saying "now arriving at Jelly Belly Candy Factory, on left" ruined it though! Grrrr!!! But he was pretty excited, hes never been there and he enjoyed the tour, I'm sad there was no production on the weekends, I didnt know! I'm glad he still had fun! We bought a crap load of Jelly Belly beans too! Then the next day, his mom made birthday dinner. Yum. I love her lasagna! We watch Coraline (which was kinda creepy) and Hook (my childhood favorite)!!! Sang happy birthday (and he insisted I sit next to him) and ate cake and ice cream! I'm glad he liked his birthday weekend! All for you boo!

I updated my crafting blog! Finally! And made a vlog here. So check both of those out! I'm gonna be doing a giveaway soon! And a blog sale as well. I need to get rid of all this makeup I've never touched! I've been on the search for supplies for my crafts and trying to figure out how to wire wrap... it looks extremely hard. I'm working on something "For Audrey" because of course, my besties name is Audrey and it was her idea... so what better thing to name it, right?! Got a shipment of crystals coming in that I'm excited about.

On another note, here's a pic from yesterday!

Chillen at Borders reading bead magazines, New Moon, WordPress for Dummies & drinking samples cause that's how I roll! LOL.

Tag: 10th picture.

2009-08-09T14:27:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by My-My! I'm always so lazy when it comes to tags lol!

rules:
* Open your first photo folder
* Scroll down to the 10th photo
* Post that photo and story on my blog
* Tag five {or more} friends to do the same

My boyfriend & Flixie napping.

Flixie... Flixie... oh how I miss him =(. This pic was taken 2/26/08, two days before he died. Flix was over two years old, for a hamster that's ancient! Their life span is about a year, so at this point he was an old old man. This was hell week for me, it was when he couldnt move his limbs any more (he had multiple strokes, from what it looked like), he was having a hard time breathing, he wasnt eating unless we fed him, he wasnt drinking unless we had the water bottle in front of him, he couldnt walk more than a few steps without getting tired and taking a nap. It was depressing. And I had the boyfriend come over everyday because I knew Flix was going to pass soon... and thankfully we were there when he passed.

Seeing this picture again actually made me sad. Even though he passed over a year ago, I still cant watch his video's without crying. I still cant read entries about him without crying. Looking at pictures has gotten easier, but its still hard to know he's gone. And now that Martin's leaving for the USAF, I dont know how I'm going to stay sane without Martin or Flix here.

Why am I so worked up over an itty bitty hamster? I've raised hamsters since I was 9. They have amazing personalities if you actually pay attention. Of all of my hamsters, Flix meant the most to me. He was my best friend, when OCD and Bi-Polar hit me hard in 2006, I would go nuts. I'd get upset and throw things around in my room and scream and he'd wake up, run up to his door and just look at me. And I knew I couldnt keep doing this, I couldnt keep letting it get to me like this when I had a baby I was scaring all the time. I had no friends back then, everything was just so hard... me and Martin were having problems and everything just felt like it was falling apart. It was the loneliest year I've ever experienced and I'd always come home to Flix and everything would be better. He was like a little dog too, I'd tell him he cant come out and play unless he drank water first and he'd always drink water. Its like he understood everything I was saying to him. I'd share my tortilla from my burritos from Taco Bell with him after work, I'd share my rice when I ate in my room... sounds crazy right? But I will never forget him. And even though he cant talk or anything, he helped me through so much.

I miss you fuzzybutt!

Waiting.

2009-08-05T15:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Martin left for MEPS, he said that the exams could take all day, so I'm waiting for his call. He texted me at 4:40AM-ish saying they were playing my favorite movie "Best Friends" where he was and from 5AM to 12PM I woke up every hour checking my phone to see if he texted me again, even though phones arent allowed at the exam. I'm curious, nervous and excited to know what job he picked and when he'll be leaving for basic. Though 30 hours away from each other really sucks and we're able to talk/text. How am I gonna go six weeks without hearing one word from him? How am I gonna go eight and a half weeks without seeing him? God! I sound like one of those super clingy dependent girlfriends who should really get an effen life. It's really grossing and disturbing me. I use to be so independent, but of course. That's gonna be left for another entry.

Dont you hate when you have this great, epic, perfect entry pieced together in your head and you go grab some lunch or take a quick shower and poof the epic great entry is... gone? I think sometimes I should jot down key points, topics, etc... but I mean would the entry still flow if I'm not in that mind set anymore?

Random fact: I had a "forever scab" growing up on my right leg. Well I got bored and picked it off a few days ago (for the first time in probably 10 years) and now its gone! Its not back yet and its kinda freaking me out =(.

I was suppose to hang out with my bestie yesterday but it didnt work out, is it bad that I was a little sad? Actually, I was really sad. It kinda reminded me of how alone I am without Martin and without Flix here any more, it makes me worry about my sanity when he leaves for basic. I'm sure I'll be fine, I mean, I dont have much of a choice... but it just sucks not having anyone to talk to or hang out with any more (again, another entry on another day). Am I really better off than all the popular kids who still have all their friends?

Martin mentioned leaving in January instead and I broke down and cried. He'll miss my birthday. I hate my birthday. The only reason why I celebrate it is because Martin forces me to. And I'll be turning 25 this year. I've been dreading turning 25. I'm suppose to have a degree by 25. I'm suppose to at least know where I'm going at 25. And I'm just disappointed in myself that I dont. I dont have anything. I have experience in a job that cant even land me a decent job at a bank but everyone else who doesnt have my experience get hired at banks all the time. I always joked with people saying if I'm not graduated by 25, I'm going to kill myself. It kinda wasnt a joke. I'm going be half way to 50. Its just a depressing age in general! And its not like I didnt try. I just suck when it comes to college. Seriously. Martin joining the AF makes me feel like I still have 4 years to fix it. Even though, I'll be 29 by then *sigh*. It just sucks that if hes not going to be here, I'm probably going to end up just sleeping the day away. I dont have anyone else to hang out with.

Speaking of, he has to pick 5 jobs and he picked his 3 computer jobs. And he told me he was considering taking mental health and I was like "that's what I would take if I was capable of joining the USAF" and he was like "I know, that's why I want to take it too. I want to know whats wrong with my baby too" that made me tear. He'd sit and read OCD self-help books with me everyday because I was too scared to go to therapy and he'd sit and read with me for hours trying to understand it too. Until I eventually ended up going to therapy and hes been to every single therapy appointment I've ever gone to. Every time its over hes there to give me a hug and ask me how it went. He also is considering taking something else, I dont remember the exact name but he mentioned that he'd be able to get a degree in hotel and restaurant management with it. Which was my first major. And he was like "I wanna learn how to cook and teach you too, I know you'd like that". And I was telling him not to pick just anything cause hes gonna be stuck with that job for 3 years, but he was telling me its things he'd like to get into. And it just made me cry. Does that make me sound lame? How did I end up so lucky?

I'm sorry this entry isnt too happy either. I think I'm just under the weather. I dont really know exactly why, I'm not too sad about him leaving soon. Unless its one of those subconscious things. Sorry I havent really been commenting on everyone's journal's. I've been reading them! I just... well you know. I'll stop saying sorry now.

Thanks for all your support girls. I really really do appreciate it.

Busy-ish...

2009-08-04T01:42:00.000-07:00

I'm light weight irritated and you know how when you're irritated everything starts going wrong? Yeah, I totally hate that.

My PC has been slowing down lately and so I re-installed Firefox (that and something corrupted my Firefox) and it didnt help. I de-fragged my PC and that helped for like, an hour and it started slowing down again. It's mostly my browser, like it'll pause or it'll just crash completely. Frequently. And it's irritated the crap out of me! I finally deleted my temp internet files and I'm hoping that will help.

UGH. Other than that, Martin had an appointment today and I'm suppose to be in bed in 15 minutes so we can wake up early tomorrow. I hate when I feel like I dont have time. But at least when he comes back tomorrow I can finally announce something! It's nothing too interesting.

This year I decided to make him breakfast for his birthday, and I havent cooked anything in over ten-ish years. I'm a baker! Not a cook! But I was planning on making him breakfast, and attempting to make an omlette, which I've never made and the last time I attempted one it was such an epic fail that it wasnt even funny. I didnt even giggle. And I giggle at everything. So I'm hoping I do well on Saturday. I was planning on practicing last Friday night but I got lazy. I know, damn wtf right? I know he'll think its cute I even tried, but I want it to be special! Reason why, coming tomorrow.

I hate being broke. I went to Michaels yesterday to pick up some crystals and necklace chain since I ran out and I ended up putting everything back cause I wouldnt have money for dinner or groceries. It made Martin sad cause I was sad, and I had a 40% off coupon and blah! I didnt mean to make him sad, its not his fault I'm in debt, its mine and as messed up and depressing as this is, its my reality slap. And I needed it. Besides, I dont need anything right now. It just sucks how when you're younger, everything is cheap and as you get older you want ipods instead of CD's. Or makeup instead of that new Barbie doll. You know?

I'm hoping to spend some time with my bestie today, but that might not happen. But I'm still hoping it will! Is it bad I'm a little annoyed I didnt get to read more of Time Travelers Wife today? Haha. I love and hate being sucked into books.

Sorry this entry is so depressing and stuff, I'm just in a really weird mood and sometimes you just gotta let it all out, right? Right. Right?

Friday Five!

2009-07-31T21:11:00.000-07:00

YES!!! I finally remembered this week!! Haha.

1. Who’s making a positive difference in your life?
Taboo words: friends, family, husband/wife/spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend.
All the people who support my goals for this year without adding "thats stupid/random/doesnt make sense" at the end.

2. Where would you like to be right now?
Taboo words: home, bed, anywhere but here.
Right now, I'm where I want to be.

3. What’s the first thing you’d do with a $5,000 (or your local equivalent) gift?
Taboo words: save, debt, vacation, payments, invest.
SHOPPING duh! Everything else will work itself out. $5000 wouldnt even cover what I owe LOL.

4. What super-power would you really like to have?
Taboo words: invisibility, x-ray vision, flying, strength, transform.
I always wanted to read minds. Even before Twilight came out. I always thought it would be cool, even if people think bad about you... it would still be cool!

5. What’s your favorite sound?
Taboo words: laughter, music, ocean, wind, ____’s voice.
I agree with Mai, PEACE AND QUIET! Oh and the sound of drumline practicing. Practicing as in pre-practicing when everyone's just banging on snare drums randomly. I dont know, after so many years its just comforting now haha.

Eventful weekend!

2009-07-27T18:57:00.000-07:00

SPiNNiNG: Shes by Ryan Cabrera <3.

Had a super busy weekend.

Thursday (7/23) - Went to the 925, had Panera Bread for lunch. I'm hooked on their new Chicken Cobb Salad! Went to a small bead store I heard about, it was cute and they had plenty of supplies but not much of a Swarovski selection. Went to Fry's and ended up picking up snacks/candy. Martin wanted to "take matters into his own hands" and we ended up at Chuck E Cheese! Haha. We checked it out, they just finished building it a few weeks ago. And it turns out... they had our favorite game at D&B's there! But for a quarter! We were thisclose to beating the game. Darn, next time we're bringing $3 haha. Headed over to Michael's and he helped me pick out some more charms and crystals =). Checked if their Longs Drugs turned into a CVS yet and THEY DID! I missed the sale! And they took out the NYX stand =(. Went to Best Buy, I forgot why... lol. Then went to Kohls to check for my shirt, which they of course didnt have. Martin had me trying on random clothes lol.

Friday (7/24) - Happy Birthday Samm0e! After spending almost an entire month looking for a top for my cousins wedding, ended up deciding to just wear something I already had. Grr. I totally forgot to buy shoes though! So we went to have lunch at our (my) favorite sushi place. Went to Payless, they didnt have a huge selection of heel's there. Went to Target and found a cute wrap around shirt. Went to Kohls and found these cute heel's for $24. They rang up as $75! Hell no those werent worth that much nor would I had even glanced at them if they were that much! I got my price adjustment. Whew. Went to the county fair and I had a great time with my love, even though we didnt do much.

Walked around, had my traditional Strawberry Shortcake, ran into some of his friends, had a deep fried burrito which was DELiCiOUS! Went to look at the animals, of course. Lots of hugs and laughs! Got dinner at Wendy's and went home.

Saturday (7/25) - Got up at 10Am-ish. Got ready for my cousins wedding. Headed over to the house. Got to see my cousin from Australia! And my niece (who will be featuring in a video with me very soon *cough*) shes the prettiest thing ever! We were talking about my youtube cause my cousin from Australia was sitting between us and hes like "what are you guys talking about" and we're like "nothing!" haha. The wedding was really short, there was a half hour delay and the wedding itself was like 10 minutes long lol. It's so surreal that Elroy got married! I swear we're still kids! But we're totally not. They were both laughing during their vows, it was the cutest thing ever. I'm glad I'm not the only one who'll be cracking up in the middle of my vows. Ryan's best man speech was great haha. I tried really hard not to fall all night and I ended up falling on the way to the car. Ugh. It was nice seeing all my cousins again. I barely ever get to see them any more. My uncle from Australia was making me promise to tell him when I get married lol! He's the coolest.

Sunday (7/26) - Was the after-wedding-party. Does anyone else do this? My family has a party after the day of the wedding too lol. Picked up Martin, and he was all nice and dressed up!! He even fixed his hair. It was cute! I only took one pic, with my sidekick. I wish I took more hehe. We went to Vacaville, I got some Panda Express (he got me hooked on the Kung Pow Chicken) and I went to Panera Bread so I was sitting there eating both! Haha. Martin was like "what am I suppose to eat?" and I'm like "uh... I dont know?!" hahaha!! Hella fat. I was hungry! Went to my bead store and I picked up some stuff for Audrey's necklace that she mentioned. Gonna see if I can pull it off. Went to Kohls and returned those damn heel's! Headed to Elroy's. Everyone was just lounging around, which was cool. Sat around with my cousins and watched the Food Network. Then headed out to get some groceries at Wal Mart. Had some Fro-Yo and some more Panda Express haha!

I did a spider check last night (yes, I do spider checks) and I thought things were all good. Well around 3AM-ish there was a huge spider crawling up my wall!!! I sprayed his ass but he fell (and I heard him hit the floor) and I look behind my desk and he was running around!! So I sprayed him again and got him! UGH UGH UGH!!!! Where do these fuckers hide?! Seriously!! I have so much clutter around my desk and in my room in general. I always say I'll clean it out and I never do. It's so hard to let things go!! Like my makeup sale, I'm having a hard time parting with things. Even though I've never used them. How silly, right?

The best remedy for waking up on a Monday morning with your period.

The cramps are already here, but I dont give a fuckkkkkk. This is healing my emotions right now! Oh God. I need to stock up on this!

SJ with boo!

2009-07-22T22:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday me and Martin went to SJ since I had to pick up my new Sony Webbie HD Camcorder from Sony Style! I’ve been debating between this or a Flip Mino HD and I know the Webbie had some pretty bad reviews but I mean… it works for what I want it for and it doesnt cost as much as the Flip Mino HD (actually + tax and warranty it cost about the same lol but still, I wanted a camcorder style and not a hand held style).

We stopped by Hello Desserts, I was attracted to the cute name and menu but sadly, I was disappointed with the place. They didnt have as much on the menu as it seemed like online. I did get the Mai Thai and it was pretty good. Their Mango Gelato was really good. And their Passion Fruit Gelato was super sour, yum! Martin decided to get Yogurt Twist next door. $.30/ounce for Frozen Yogurt? He was sold. He packed his cup and spent $3. $2 less than my smaller dessert. Yah yah, whatever lol. Yogurt Twist offered a bunch of flavors and toppings and of course, you cant beat the price. We settled for Yellow Cake Batter & Strawberry (he made me pick a flavor even though this was “his place”, meanie) topped with strawberries, mochi and whole lychee (my favorite!!). Mixed up all together it was really really good. But in the end, Martin didnt share my love for whole lychee =(.

We walked around the plaza, since it was placed in a Ranch 99 plaza, which was pretty cool. And after that we headed to a bead shop.

I’ve been obsessed with hunting down bead shops. The bead shop looked really tiny outside, but once you got in OMG it was huge. It was huge and filled with colorful sparkly beads! I spent about fourty five minutes looking at everything. They had a huge huge huge selection of pretty toggles! I love toggles! But sadly they didnt have what I was looking for and they didnt have a large selection of Swarovski crystals either. And of course every time something catches my eye Martin always says “we’re not looking for that” which is the nice way of “I know you like it, but really put it back down” lol. Next to the bead store was a small pet shop that had a huge shark in a huge tank in the middle of store! It was kinda creepy. They had cute hamsters, fat furry mice, guinea pigs, adorable rats… oh my! I’ve had my heart set on getting a new fur baby, but I’m banned from buying any more hamsters. Poop.

After that went to Valley Fair Mall. We skipped Pinkberry this time since I was super full of Gelato and Fro Yo already. Walked around, got my free Godiva chocolate (Strawberry Shortcake, holler!), Martin made me drink my second cup of water after we had snacked on some clam chowder (my first glass was after eating fro yo). Gawh, that was a struggle. Am I the only person in the world who gag’s when they drink too much cold water? Probably. I find water disgusting. UGH. Headed over to Sony Style and I got my purple Sony Webbie HD Camcorder! I was super excited. The two ladies who helped us were super sweet and they even priced matched it to make it cheaper! After that, I was done there. I didnt even bother walking into MAC, Sephora or Lush. I know, surprising right?! I found out today though that they opened a new cupcake shop there, and I missed it. Darn. Next time!

Headed to Great Mall cause I wanted to check Kohls for a shirt I saw online that I wanted to wear to my cousins wedding, but of course… they didnt have it. Or the Alice shirt I wanted. I couldnt decide if I wanted Coconut Grove or Jollibee for dinner, so we walked around the Food Court. I had my eye on Arby’s since I’ve never had Arby’s but ended up eating Ruby Thai. They were too nice with the samples and their Mango Chicken (which didnt taste like Mango at all, but was really sweet and tender) was delicious. So we got that. We’re trying to stay away from soda’s lately so I went to sit and Martin went to get lemonade from Hot Dog On A Stick.

So he goes and comes back and tell’s me that while he was in line some girl came up to him and started talking to him about his nails. Then she goes “so, whats your name?” Martin gets hit on, all the time. He gets hit on the most when his hair is fluffy and messed up and when I send him to do something random. So eventually he walked off and when he came back, he was like “OMG SHE KEEPS LOOKING OVER HERE” dude, I wonder why. I told him he should wave to her, but he didnt. Lame. The conversations people strike with him are odd. The girl who hit on him before yesterday asked him for a lighter and when he said he didnt smoke she responded with “well you wanna chill with me outside while I smoke?” unaware he absolutely hate people who smoke. And the chick before that asked him for his cell phone and called herself with it then started sending him mass text messages with “Hi Thomas!” cause she really thought his name was Thomas. Which was funny cause every time he got a text he’d scream at his phone “OMG STOP TEXTING ME” hahaha! I dont mind if people hit on him. People dont know him like I do, and trust me, after about 2 hours with him you wont think hes so hot anymore lol!

This morning I got up at 7AM cause I had to pee and I was still really sleepy… and somehow I knocked over half the things on my night stand and all I hear is all my stuff fall behind me and… shatter. So I look and my favorite glass container is shattered… all over my bed room floor! I went back to bed and decided to clean it up later. Ugh, I’m so sad =(.

New obsession...

2009-07-20T13:39:00.001-07:00

Hello to all my new followers =D. Dont forget to subscribe to my beauty blog as well!

Lately I've been finding myself wanting to look at bead's online and find bead stores more than looking at makeup! I know, this is some pretty serious stuff! I remember spotting Jolee's Jewels at Michael's a year or two ago, the pretty colors caught my attention but back then I thought dude, I could never pull off making decent jewelry! So I'd just look and not buy, besides when you add the prices it got pretty expensive. And back then I was set on making pouches (I have a bunch of fabric I never made into pouches because it turned out harder than I thought... that's what I get for not looking something up first! I do have a mini sewing machine but nowhere to put it, so hopefully when I move out next year I can set it up somewhere and put the fabric to use!). I've been peeking through some beading magazines and looking tutorials on youtube and I figure... this cant be hard. So I bought a few things to make my mom a necklace for her birthday, but I was missing some Swarovski butterflies to add to it, I dont want to just give her a plain one charm necklace... and I didnt really want to spend $8 on two charms. But it just so happens that when I bought the charms, Michael's provided me with a 20% off coupon for the following Sunday. So I waited til yesterday and I picked up a bunch of stuff! My budget was $40 and with the 20% off & a 40% off one item coupon, it went from $44 to $32. Yay! I also got some oven bake clay, gonna attempt to make some Mario stars lol. I also picked up a Lisa Frank sticker book, the boyfriend made me put back the sticker book but not the clay o_O.

Speaking of, I need to make a list of things to do before he leaves! My cousin's wedding is on Saturday, what do you wear to a wedding?! I personally hate going to weddings, I hate dressing up. I'm sure I'll hate dressing up on my wedding day as well. And OMG I'm not looking forward to my wedding, I hate all the attention being on me.

ELF came out with a bunchhhhh of new stuff =D. Palettes, bronzers, Mineral lipgloss, liquid eyeliner colors, kabuki brushes. Nuts. I'm so happy they're adding new stuff, esp to the Studio collection! Yayyy!!

I've been sucked into StarCraft again. Seriously, me and the boyfriend play every night. Every "quick game" turns out to be two hours long lol! I really need to learn how to speed things up. I take so long making everything, but I'm getting better! My base wasnt destroyed last night, thank goodness. Pre-orders for Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days is out! Sadly the US wont be getting the same DSi bundle that Japan had because they dont think it will sell well. Uhm hello!! You released a DS bundle for Brain Age and that sold well, I think Kingdom Hearts will do even better! We've just been waiting for this for oh, I dont know... five years?! UGHH. That sucks. I was really hoping to get the DSi. Hopefully they change their mind!

I suck at updating!

2009-07-15T15:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday it was suppose to be 100 degree's here so I decided to not stay home. I dont have AC so yeah it pretty much sucks when it gets that hot. Me and Martin went to Vacaville after trying to decide on where to go for hella long.

Oh his toe nail fell off the night before, I have no idea how or why but it just did. He was freaking out about it and kinda bummed, but I took a look at it and it looks like there was another toe nail growing under it, which is kinda weird but I'm glad his whole toe nail isnt missing, that might not had gone over well at MEPS.

So we went to get sushi & bento boxes at our (or well my) favorite sushi place. Skipped the Tempura Ice Cream, again cause I was just so full. Went to Target so he could get face wash and I could get soap and Goldfish crackers =D. Went to Bead Gallery and saw a Hello Kitty charm necklace, Martin thought I wanted it so I could make something for Sammie's bday, but I kinda just wanted it for me though he did have a nice idea! So I ended up buying the charm, a cell phone strap and two pink stars and I'm gonna make her a cell phone charm! Yay! After that we went to the Solano Mall (worst and ghettoest mall everr) for "old times sake" or something. Had some Chick Fil A, walked around, had some ice cream (they were out of my Pineapple Coconut boooo so we got Cookies & Cream) then went to Barns & Nobles so I could pee (I'm picky about the places I pee in!) and went to Wal Mart. I got a bead kit and some Velvetta's (that I'm addicted to). Got some Sonic's and went home.

I went home and went to the bathroom like I usually do and like, I pull my pants down slightly. I dont pull them all the way down. Anyway, I was peeing and... I saw a spider run across the band of my panties. OMG. Not something someone who's extremely afraid of spiders wants to see!!!! I didnt freak out as much as I thought I would but I did grab the fucker and throw him in the toilet! GROSS!!! UGHH. And I took an extra long shower too. I called up Martin telling him what happened and he was like "dont worry he was just making sure the other bugs didnt get you" aww hes the best =).

I'm gonna try to update more frequently. I've been feeling a little down lately so I havent been in the mood to do anything. The extreme heat isnt helping either lol.

Yet, I still keep trying.

2009-07-11T01:09:00.001-07:00

Ever since I was a kid I always wanted to draw. I always wanted to make things. I always wanted to be artsy and I never really understood why I was so obsessed with something I'm not good at. I'm not the artist in the family, my brother is. I'm the writer. Even when I got older and I was really into web and graphic designing, I was always better at web designing than graphic. I cant blend for shit lol. I know I suck at anything having to do with being crafty. And even now, I want to make charms. I want to make jewelry. I want to be better at graphic design. And even though for the last 3 months I've been attempting and everything being an epic fail I still wake up everyday wondering what I can do to improve it. Where did I go wrong the day before.

And sometimes it drives me nuts that all I ever think about is what I could be making right now. Why? Why is something I suck at constantly on my mind?

Martin and I had a talk once, about people who inspired us when we were younger. He had a friend who could do something he couldnt do and he had spent a lot of time with his friend trying to get him to do it and it just never happened but growing up, it became a goal for him and even now, til this day its still a goal of his. So I thought back to when I was a kid...

I spent a lot of time in the garage during the late afternoon. I spent a lot of time in there because my grandpa was always painting. And I spent a lot of time with him when he was. Bugging him, asking him random questions or just talking. I dont have a lot of vivid memories, but this is one of the ones I do have. The smell of oil paint, the sun coming in from the open side door, my grandpa holding his breath every time he painted the details. I remember after bugging him for MONTHS he finally let me paint the sky on something he was working on. I remember he cut up some wood pieces for me and my brother to paint too. If he wasnt painting something, he was making something. We still, to this day use a lot of things he made. His paintings are still up in my room and around the house.

He always inspired me to be creative. He always made things look so easy. And I wish he was still here, maybe I wouldnt be so stumped when it comes to creating things. And of course, the doll house he promised to make me before he passed away.

The discouragement tonight will pass, and I'll wake up tomorrow ready to try again.

Oh... I really hate you summer.

2009-07-10T14:27:00.000-07:00

I hate spiders, like really really hate them. At least I dont freak out as much as I use to around them anymore... but they still make my skin crawl. I usually do "spider checks". I do them mostly in the summer time since you know, they're everywhere. So a few nights ago I was so tired I didnt bother to do a "spider check" in my mom's bathroom before I took a shower. Wellll... as soon as I got in the shower, I look up and I'm freaking showering with a spider. OMG. So I was like throwing water at it to make it walk in the other direction. Well I guess it walked all around the ceiling cause when I got out, it was behind me (and it was in front of me before) and so I was like drying myself super fast and like letting out little screams the whole time, I totally couldnt help it, it was so freakin gross.

Then last night, I was about to not do a "spider check" in my room, but I'm glad I did! I spotted a spider right next to my mattress. My bed is up against the wall, and it was like... two inches away from my sheets! And it wasnt a small spider either! Now since I have OCD, it makes it hard to get a spider when its on that side of the room and so close to my bed. I decided to wash my sheets anyway, some time soon (I've just been too lazy, maybe this was a sign!) so I just had my dad kill it (he had to lean over my bed). I had the creepy crawlies the rest of the night thinking there were spiders everywhere. Dont you hate that! It's been really cold at night but the spiders are still invading! Wtf!! Grrr.

Anyway, yesterday me and Martin went to Valley Fair mall (best mall EVER) since I thought the Nordstrom anniversary collection was coming out the same day as the Color Craft. Well it didnt. And sadly nothing from the Nordstrom anniversary collection popped out at me. I wanted both palettes but the warm palette isnt going to show up on my skin tone, still deciding if I should get the cool palette or not. The Color Craft however was OMG. I wanted an MSF, but I still have my Perfect Topping from the Sugar Sweet and the MSF I wanted was darker than I expected so I ditched that and wanted to get 2 pinwheel eye shadows and 2 lipglasses.

So I had Martin help me decide. We spent about 20 minutes in Nordstorm's looking at them then went to the MAC store (if I'm gonna spend money I might as well get some pigment samples too!) and I was going to buy 2 eye shadows and 2 lipglasses. Wellll. The boyfriend thinks I have too much makeup and he wanted me to only get one of each and of course I was bummed! I've been saving money for this collection for the last two weeks! And I havent bought anything from MAC in like a month. I guess I was moping and he was like "aw dont make that face, you're gonna break my heart... you know I'm not trying to be mean, I just wanna help you" and I know he means well, and I know I dont need any more makeup. But he did pick out the eyeshadow pinwheel and he helped me pick a lipglass. And he actually helped. Not that "I dont know get whatever" "oh that looks okay I guess" he actually gave me his input on every single eyeshadow pinwheel and lipglass they had. We were in there for like 45 minutes and he was helping me the whole time. I know, its not that big of a deal... but I dont know, it makes me happy when he actually gives me input. And I always say pinks dont show up on my skin tone and he was like "you know pink doesnt show up on you" and it makes me all... giddy cause he remembered! Haha. I know, I'm lame right?

So I grab 3 pigments to get samples of and the thing I dont like about Valley Fair's MAC is that they give you HELLA little of the sample compared to where I usually go. Like, you only have enough to look at it little! And the girl was like "oh I can only give you two samples" and so asked Martin which ones I should get and he goes "all of them" and he grabbed one from me and hes like "I'll ask for this one" so the girl comes back and she goes "did you decide which ones?" and I go "yeah these two" and Martin goes "can I get a sample of this one?" and she looked hella defeated ahaha and she was like "...smart" so she gave him his sample haha! He's the best boyfriend freakin ever.

I also went to Sephora and returned their makeup wipes (which sucked ass!) and a gold wristlet (I dont know wtf I was thinking) and I got $18.57 back. I wanted to try the Makeup Forever Aqua Eyes since a lot of people who said that the Urban Decay 24/7 smudged on them, the Aqua Eyes didnt. So guess how much it cost? $18.57. Martin was like "is that your WHOLE gift card?" and I was like "....yep" lol. $18 for a pencil eyeliner?! This shit better work miracles!!!

My bestie sent me a depressing link about the recession, now I'm freaking out. Both of our families work at the same place (which is kinda funny and ironic cause her parents were my mom's co-workers and now her brother is my mom's co-worker haha) and they got budget cuts so its kinda depressing me. And now I get why my mom's been hassling me to get a job lately.

I'm doing a blog sale soon! I have a bunch of makeup that I got that I never used. This was before my MAC obsession. And you know once you get into MAC you forget everything else lol!

I'll be picking the winners for the giveaway soon and announcing another thingie.

Speaking of!! Enter to win DSK's giveaway!

Now I have to go wash my sheets... if there's one thing I hate doing the MOST its washing my sheets. They're so... big and its so much of a hassle... lol.

Tagged!

2009-07-07T01:08:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by ectini! Kinda lol.

Rules: Tell your readers 10 things about you that they may or may not know, but are true. Tag ten people with the award, and be sure to let them know they've been tagged (a quick comment on their blog will do). Don't forget to link back to the blogger who tagged you.

I didnt get into makeup until I was 23. I mean I had one shade of lipstick I'd always wear in high school (and usually when I wore it, it meant I was either pissed off or not in a good mood) and pressed powder (which in reality was wayy too light for me). Eyeliner was a huge never ever! The reason why I got into makeup? H.I.P bogo's and discovering NYX!
I was got OCD in 2004 but wasnt diagnosed until 2006. That's how long it took me to force myself to go to therapy. I have contamination, intrusive thoughts, hoarding and a slight checking problem. When it was at its worse, it was really really bad. Say I was doing laundry and I was taking the clothes out of the dryer, if something brushed up against the outside of the dryer I would have to rewash EVERYTHING. There were times when I would wash my clothes twice in a row. The anxiety was exhausting.It was damaging my relationship with my boyfriend and my parents. It has gotten a little better, but my boyfriend still has to completely change his clothes before he can come in my room.
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 1/2 years. I swear it was just our 5yrs last week! We were both the only two held back a year in high school from Leadership so in the new school year we were always the two who had to set up everything. We were really good friends though and I dont know, it kinda just happened. But there was a lot of drama involved, which I dont mind so much now cause it helped us trust each other more. We're both silly and we do a lot of dumb shit together.
I'm a pro when it comes to hamsters. I've been reading and raising them since I was in the 4th grade. I love small animals. But since my baby boy died last year I havent had the heart to get another hamster. I still miss him everyday. But if you ever need advice on hamsters, feel free to ask me!
I was never really into video games growing up. I mean besides your Mario World's and Mortal Komabts and Street Fighter's... okay when I was a kid I was a total tomboy I loved video games and I watched WWF and WCW like it was nobody's business (NWO & DX!) but when I started dating I was totally not into video games anymore, besides DDR. When I started dating my boyfriend he got me into StarCraft which I swore I'd never play and ended up addicted to. That opened up a gate for me lol. I started playing FFXI, WoW, Maple Story, Gunbound, Kingdom Hearts, Guilty Gear XX, I attempted Smash Bro's but I suck at it. And a bunch of other games for the Wii, DS, PC and PS2.
I use to be really really into web & graphic design. Since I got on the internet in 2000 I was always making website. I loved learning HTML, it was so addicting. Then that drama with my boyfriend happened and I was being stalked by 5 different people (on and offline) and so I stopped blogging, I stopped making web sites and five years later I decided to start up again. I feel like I'm starting completely over since people use CSS and XHTML (wtf is XHTML?!) now. So its kinda... depressing but I'm determined to re-learn all of this.
Somewhere on the internet (my old journal) is a blog entry about how I lost my virginity. In detail. Oh how I miss when the internet wasnt full of stupid people and everyone in your graduating class!
Me and my brother havent talked in 5 years. And yes, we live together. Crazy huh?
My brother, my boyfriend and my dog all share the same birthday.
I'm completely utterly obsessed with Disney. Everything Disney! The parks, the movies, the person... everything! I LOVE Disney. My goal is to work there. I havent figured out the details but something good will come up sooner or later!

I taggggg...

Yankee Candle: Rice Milk.

2009-06-29T19:56:00.001-07:00

I was making food earlier and I noticed a white square candle in a square glass jar. I was thinking to myself hmm, that looks a lot like my Rice Milk candle… I started trying to remember if I had seen it where I last placed it. I remember my mom had cleaned that area of the house and I didnt remember seeing it there. I tried not to freak out, I mean… what are the odds that she took out my brand new still in the box candle, right? Considering there were MANY more candles laying around the house that should could have used. Besides, it looks like any other normal candle.

I finished makin my food and went about my day. By the time I went to make dinner, I was extremely curious to find out if it was my candle. So I walked over there and flipped it upside down. Rice Milk. And it was 1/4th burned down. Now I dont think I bought her the glass jar one, I know I bought her one before, but I believe it was the pillar and she finished that one. I took it back upstairs with me and texted her.

Me: The white square candle on the fireplace, did you get it from dad’s room?
Mom: Yes.

*insert face of rage here*. WHY of ALL other candles in the entire HOUSE would she use THAT one? WHY WHY WHY!!!

Most of you must be thinking whats the big deal, its just a candle. UH NO! Its not just a candle!!

I have a huge obsession with candles. In 2006, I started working at Linens N Things. One of the things that caught my eye was the Yankee Candle Rice Milk candle and I had my eye on it for a lonnnng time while I was working there. The pillar went on sale, so I bought it for my mom and a week later, I bought the jar. A week after that, they were discontinuing the entire line and I didnt have enough money to buy more, plus they sold out quick. So the only one I have, is the jar which is now 1/4th burned down. I tried searching for back ups a few months ago and came up with nothing but tarts on ebay that were out of stock.

And that’s why I’m bummed out about this!

Exciting!!!

2009-06-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

Last night I was putting the finishing touches on my domain/blog (for now) and I applied for two blog playing companies and... I got approved by both!!!! This was at like, 3AM lol. I was so excited I called Martin (who fell asleep an hour and a half earlier) and left a message on his voicemail. I never leave voicemail messages but I was just so excited! I'm gonna reapply for the first one I applied to that rejected me a few months back. Now all I have to do is wait for assigments. And open a new bank account for my paypal stuff, I dont really feel comfortable linking my paypal to my main bank account. Esp after my best friend told me her brother's paypal was hacked. I'm pretty excited about this!! I hope it works out.

Gawh, its extremely hot right now. I was able to escape it yesterday but not so much today... ughh. One of the things I the most about super hot days is that my makeup melts! Like my tinted moisturizer is now all... liquid-ish. If I shake it up, I can hear the liquid inside. Poo. I had to take my UDPP's and my NYX Jumbo Pencil's out of the room because they started to sweat/melt. My Paint Pots and Gel Liners are fine, so far. I should really tidy this room up, there's so much crap everywhere its not helping with the heat + crowded-ness. But I dont know where to put all this stuff!!

If I did a blog sale would anyone be interested? A lot of stuff I have is either never opened or swatched once. Let me know if I should do one or not!

My lower back and tail bone have been aching/needing to be cracked a lot lately, its probably because I've been sitting on my ass more days in a row than I'm use to since I'm still car-less. My dad told Martin it should be done by Monday so hopefully it is, I'm making Martin drive me to Pinkberry when it's fixed! Blaaaah!

Martin just left to go to his friends house today, which is fine, I'm sure he's boiling in his room. I'll probably end up applying to a few more paid blogging sites and get my June Favs up on at least the blog later. It's too hot to get prettied up and make a video right now. Ughhh. I have a bunch of favs this month, surprisingly! I might not post all of them so I have something for next month, in case I dont have any new items for next month lol. Is that cheating? Ehhh. I also gotta get some reviews up too!

Yeahhh. K, gonna get to work lol.

Confessions of a Shopaholic.

2009-06-26T23:57:00.000-07:00

I watched Confessions of a Shopaholic yesterday and the whole movie Martin was like "hey that's you!" "hey you do that too!" which was true. I think that movie was true, every single aspect of it. I would be lying if I said I wasnt a shopaholic. Cause I am, I have been, pretty much my whole life. But that's what happens when you parents buy you almost everything you want. There's more to it, but I'll just leave it at that. I know why I'm like this, I know what damaged me into being like this, and even though I know doesnt mean it changes anything or fixes anything.

The movie was also true in the aspect that even though you're thousands of dollars in debt, it doesnt stop you. I've ran up 5 credit cards and maxed out 2 of them in the last year and a half. All of my credit limits are over $2000. I've had mail sent to me about my credit cards but I havent been stalked by creditors. Thankfully. I have no credit cards left to use, except for one. That I share with my boyfriend and the limit to that card is over $5000, so I have to be extremely careful with it. I've already racked up $300 in 3 days. How I did that, I have no clue really. Being a shopaholic does have the ability to damage friendships, relationships with other people and with family just like any other addiction can. And that's pretty much what it is, an addiction. An addiction you cant control. Nothing to serious like doing drugs but damn, it can really fuck up your credit score!

I'm glad I saw the movie... I kinda wanted to because I thought it was going to be a funny movie about some girl who cant stop shopping. But instead became a total eye opener. Sadly I cant auction off my makeup or my clothes as easily as she did, but I can try to fix it somehow and I can try to stop while I'm still ahead. I have been getting better are resisting offers online and closing windows rather than hitting "place order".

And I'm so thankful to have someone who may not understand my addiction and of course doesnt approve of it, but supports me all the time. Who's paid off my credit card more than once even though I just keep running it back up. Honestly dont know what I would do without him.

Here's to changing my life around. There's always room for improvement.

WordPress hates me.

2009-06-26T20:39:00.000-07:00

Been working on the domain/WordPress all day. Trying to redirect the direction its going in, pretty excited. Would be more excited if I knew how WordPress worked!!

I'm not new to HTML, I've coded a website before. I've coded LiveJournal and Xanga before. But its other blogging sites I just started using (this year) like Blogger and WordPress that I'm having trouble with. Of course, since its still all so new to me. But I feel like I'm too old to get back into doing this stuff. Does that make sense? How do you get too old to web design?!

I guess it's just because when I got SUPER into it, it was around the time of Asian Avenue and Apt107 (which I'm pissed they took down cause it took me FOREVER to code my page), when flash was still new and when AOL allowed HTML in their member profiles. Now its all about CSS, XHTML (wtf is XHTML?!), widgets, and all other sorts of unheard of things! I've been ON the internet the last five years, but I havent been ON web designing. Kinda odd, if you think about it. But then again I was sucked in by MySpace and FaceBook for all those years.

SOCiAL NETWORKS ARE EViL! I'm starting to really hate them. It takes me two hours to read though all of my FaceBook and Twitter updates. Two hours. Out of my life. To read about other peoples lives. Worth it? No, not really. There are two types of people that annoy me on the whole status thing: the ones that update every single second going to the bathroom. taking a shower. at a stop light. dog crossed the street. lady crossed the street. at Target. and then theres the ones that flood your feeds with what club they're going to/promoting/doing their "photography" at/hosting/ect. I'm seriously considering suspending my FaceBook account. Besides, its a social networking site without the networking. No one really gives a shit about what you're promoting. No one really cares about what you're doing on a social networking site. In my personal opinion, I think people care more about what you're doing when it comes to blogging than a social networking site because when you sub to a blog, its what you expect where as on a social networking site... you're really just adding friends/people you know. I would say "to keep in touch" but people hardly do that either. Friendster was cool when it first came out, people actually kept in touch, but now... people kinda just dont.

I got my "best of" Sephora thing today. I got the eyes set because I wanted the Stila Smudge Pot but I didnt wanna spend the money for a full sized version of it lol. I also got a mini Too Faced Shadow Insurance with it. I have the full size, but I dont think I want it. I'm stuck between using UDPP and ELF Studio and Mineral primers. I really kinda dont have any interest in the TFSI. But we'll see.

I have a makeup remover review I'm suppose to be doing, but I've been home all week due to not having car, meaning I have no reason to dress up, meaning I havent made a video. Well I made one yesterday about getting my DSK jewelry but just to test out my dad's webcam, which is pretty freakin good. I'm jealous, my laptop doesnt have a webcam. That's what I get for being too excited to get one though. Blaaah.

I want my car back now, I missed free Pinkberry tonight since my car's still in the shop. Boooo =(.

Another lazy day...

2009-06-25T22:44:00.001-07:00

Love came over today.

We had Pizza Hut pasta for lunch and watched Confessions of a Shopaholic. He kept pointing out that that's me. Which I unfortunately, cant disagree with LOL. It was a cute and semi inspiring movie. After that we watched Fever Pitch and Cradle to the Grave and some Rocky movie.

Caught the news on Twitter about Michael Jackson. A friend of mine sent a test forward about his death, in a mocking way. I dont understand why people are being bitches about his death. MICHAEL JACKSON JUST DIED, show some respect! I personally am shocked at this news, I have a few favorite MJ songs. One of my lifetime favorite songs is "Butterflies", I LOVE that song! I play it all the time still.

I dont think I should even bother mentioning how much of a jerk Perez Hilton is right now, yeah. I wont. But I will mention that hes a disgrace to the gay community. Gay guys like him are the reason why people hate gays.

I've been really bad at remembering things lately, its been really irritating. Like I'll open a new browser window and totally forget why. Frustrating! Also, when I log into blogger on Mozilla, it doesnt log me in so when I leave comments on some peoples blogs, I cant cause I'm "not logged in" but it works fine on IE, and it worked fine on my dad's laptop. Maybe I just need to update my Mozilla. Even though I hate updating (and installing) things.

Ugh, I'm hungry again.

I need to quit being so damn lazy. Blah!

Changed the layout.

2009-06-24T17:51:00.000-07:00

I changed the layout on this blog to a layout I had on my Xanga a few years back LOL. Its suppose to be Mary Had A Little Lamb. It's kinda cute, dont you think? =]

I also changed the layout to the beauty blog. I was tired of the default-ness of it all. I dont usually like using pre-made templates but I've been so out of touch with graphic design and coding that this will have to do until I get off my lazy ass and make something! I mean, I have the layout idea's in mind and I have everything I need to make the layouts... its just... making them then coding them that I have a problem with, right now lol. But I'll get to it eventually!

I tried adding AdSense to the beauty blog yesterday and it just wasnt working with me! I dont know what I was doing wrong... argh. Whatevs!

Dont you guys hate when people dont talk to you for five years then suddenly pop out of the blue and ask you to come over to see their business presentation for a pyramid scheme they just joined? Yeah, me too lol. Seriously, its so annoying because he has even replied to any of my messages, comments or even returned any of my phone calls for five years and now he expects me to go to some business meeting at his house? Uh, I dont think so! And so when I tell him that I'm car-less because I just got into an accident he replies with "I can pick you up if you'd like". Wow, thanks for asking me if I'm okay. Totally know where your head's at. I'm so tired of people using their friends for their "business". And please, if I say no twice, what in your right mind makes you think the third time you ask I'll say yes? Seriously? Get a clueeeeee!

Martin's been studying for his ASVAB all week. Hes going to be taking an extra week to study, which I dont mind. I'd rather he get the score he's aiming for on the first try then have to retake it and wait another 30 days. If he does end up in the field he wants to be in, his Tech School will be in Mississippi and I'm a little bummed out about it. All the other schools are in TX and CA, but his just had to be in Mississippi! Of course. Why did I assume it wouldnt be. Ugh. He wanted me to move there for a few months, but it would be a waste since people are telling me that he wont get much time to leave the base in the first place. So I think I'll just visit once or twice a month. Flying by myself is such a scary thought though. Plus its a 3 hour flight, landing is probably the most hardest thing for me to do, my ears literally feel like they're bleeding if I dont put my ear plugs on right. Even an hour flight can be painful. How much more for a three hour flight?! I should probably get my ears checked some time soon, and flush them again as well... they're getting saucy LOL.

Martin was talking about how he might get me a my MacBook Pro for Christmas and how he's gonna get me a gift every six months. But out of that all I heard was: MacBook. Christmas. He thought it was funny that I was more excited about that than getting a gift every six months. Eye on the prize! Haha!

A few things I want to do this summer before he leaves:

Monteray Aquarium
Santa Cruz
Pixar

That's about it haha. Hopefully he leaves for Basic after Sept 12th too, cause we're suppose to be watching Wicked around then. I'd hate for him to wait til November to go to Basic. We'll see though...

Waiting...

2009-06-20T14:50:00.001-07:00

Waiting at Macys. Martin's in the bathroom. I hope he didn't fall in or splode! Haha. Hella full from Quicklys. Got almost everything I needed to get done, done. Now just gotta stop at Target and Kinkos to mail out a package.

Resisting the urge to buy anything from MAC since the collections I'm looking forward to are coming out next month & I'm super broke!

I need to upload my videos.

K he's back! =)

--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Friday Five!!

2009-06-19T12:38:00.000-07:00

1. What are your feelings about milk?
Regular milk? I dont like it. I was lactose intolerant when I was a baby. So that probably might be why. If I had to drink milk, it would be chocolate milk (and I hate chocolate so this isnt going too well lol). But I like milk flavored candy. Like you know, how Japanese candies have milk flavored? Yeah, I like those lol.

2. What are your feelings about cheese?
OMG I LOVELOVELOVE CHEESE! No seriously, I have to have cheese with everything. Almost everything, but I always get everything with extra cheese. My friends called me a rat growing up. Whatever. I loves my cheese!

3. What are your feelings about yogurt?
Its okay. Depends on what flavor it is, some of them are kinda chalky. I miss Danon Sprinklins! You know the kid one with the sprinkles on the cap? Those were my favv! Sometimes Go-Gurt. I just hate how it gets warm too fast.

4. How do you feel about soy milk?
Its okay, I havent had it a lot (according to my parents its the only milk I could drink when I was a baby though). I think I tried the vanilla one once a few years ago, it tasted like a melted milkshake.

5. How far are you from the nearest cow?
I dont know, we have a big field about a mile (or 3) that sometimes has cows. But there arent many cows in my town. Oh wait! My elemetry school had a farm! That's about a mile away from here lol!

I'm starting to look forward to these, does that make me lame? LOL.

Summer, and why I hate it.

2009-06-18T16:30:00.000-07:00

So last night I was getting ready to take a shower. And sometimes, my mom has little baby spiders chillen next to the tub. No big deal. I either vacuum them or I spray them with air freshener and it usually kills them (cause they're that tiny). So I decide to vacuum the one I saw last night up. No big deal.

Well, I was running out of disinfectant and so I had to run out to the garage to get another one, it was around 12:45-ish AM? And I walked through a web. I didnt have the light on, so it kinda freaked me out but I figured oh well, whatever, I'm gonna shower soon anyway. So I spent a little bit of time with my dog and I was on my way back up the stairs when....

I saw something next to the bottom of the stair. And I figured oh a spider. But it was kinda... big. So I turned on the light. IT WAS A WOLF SPIDER. I inched a little closer, to get a better look and I totally FREAKED OUT. I called my dad to come kill it and so I was holding the flashlight on it while he tried to grab it with a tissue but it squeezed its way out and JUMPED ON HIS HAND. I started screaming and my dad (being Filipino) just smacked his lips and started chasing after it with the tissue. O-M-G. Freaking... OMG. Worst experience ever! HOW DID IT GET INTO MY HOUSE. That thing was HUGE and GROSS. But my dad got it and flushed it. Whew, thank goodness.

So I go take a shower and I'm walking out back to my room and I see another spider on the ceiling of the hallway headed towards my room, so of course... I woke my dad up and he smashed it.

Okay, I'm fine with seeing one spider a night. Whatever. But THREE SPIDERS IN A ROW WITHIN AN HOUR?! I dont know. That's called a bad night in my book!

And of course, when I wake up this morning. There's a spider on my wall.

Why good morning to you too spidey *sprays Raid* byebye.

I hate summer. Hate is a complete understatement for how I feel about summer. Seriously. This is insane.

And of course, when I see spiders/bugs I get into this crazy mode where I just want to clean my room/the whole house. UGH.

Besides that, I also hate summer because I dont deal well with hot days. And its hard for me to sleep then I wake up all sweaty. Gross.

Updateeeeeee.

2009-06-15T18:50:00.001-07:00

I know, I know. I suck at updating. I've been busy running around everywhere lately and getting all sorts of things worked out.

Last week the boyfriend & I got into a car accident, it wasnt anything major. It's gonna take 9 days to fix my car though. But we're both fine. Of course, as you know, all the hassle that comes with a car accident and just how irritating it all is. So we've been busy with that.

Also getting paper work for my boyfriend done, all over the Bay Area.

We went to Oakland to get some papers and he took me to all of the places he grew up. And it was... nice. To finally have an image to attach to the stories he told me. He brought me to his old school where his childhood best friend Chris tried to teach him how to back flips and I know he was reminiscing, it was kind of heartbreaking. He found out his friend passed away a few months ago, so yeah. He also brought me to a library he use to go to all the time (and we saw this 8 year old log on to his MySpace seriously?!), he took me to this center that had a basketball court and he took me to the sidewalk where he sat when he snapped his arm in half. It was nice, and itwasnt as bad as I thought it would be. He also took me to his old (haunted) house.

I personally hate doing paper work. I hate running around getting paper work, things signed, I just hate doing anything like this. And he pulled me close and was like "I know you hate doing this kind of stuff but Icouldnt do this without you, you're my happiness". And that, is what makes all this irritation worth it.

After that we had lunch in Emeryville since there's no malls or anything in Oakland. And had a nice little talk. It's nice that we're each other's best friend's and that we talk about things that best friends usually talk about. We've been together for five years but we can still talk and joke around for hours. We stopped by Lush for literally a minute. Then we headed to his little sisters graduation!! I cant believe she's already graduating high school! When I met her, she was 13! Insane.

A bunch more of paper work and paying bills last week... I also finally got my MAC Violet pigment! I'm in love with that pigment! I seriously need to cool it on the spending, then again I say that... all the time and never do it. *sigh*.

Yesterday was relaxing. We went to Concord because we found out there's a Quickly's there! We're in Concord all the time but never knew there was a Quickly's! Now we dont have to drive to South SF! After that, we went to the mall really quick, since they were gonna close in an hour and a half anyway. Then headed back home and we cleaned out the car since my dad's gonna take it to the shop soon.

Martin stayed over for awhile and had me eat dinner with him and we watched tv. Then we watched My Best Friend's Wedding since I keep hearing about it but I've never seen it. It was a pretty... good movie. I mean, it had good points lol. After that, spent some time with my cat & dog. My mom thinks my cat's sick, but they dont take them to the hospital and so I was playing with my cat and she hissed at me!! What the heck! Meanie. My dog is my baby, I love him to bits!

Martin came out to get me and we watched more tv, cause he wanted to watch tv with me and I was like "aww did you put it on The Food Network for me??" and he was like "yeaaa I was waiting for you! But you took too long!" awwww. And we ate some more before he left.

I loves him!

Dont you hate when people tell you dumbass information about things you dont care about but when you respond they give you the dumbest response? Its like, why did you even bother telling me YOUR stupid info in the first place? Like I care? Wtf. UGH, whatever.

Oh! I made an order on NYX cause they have these new palettes out that are on their pre-sale sale for $4.50 and when they put them on the site, they'll be going for $9 so I bought a few. And I had told Martin and he goes...

"Baby.... are you buying things?!"

Right when I hit "submit" LMFAO, how does he ALWAYS know!!! What is going on!!!! Kinda creepy and kinda funny LOL.

Also MAC is having their sale tomorrow! I've already made a list so I'm not panicking through out the time I make my order =D. I'm excited.

I know, I know, I need to stop shopping!

I've got some new idea's and some changes going on with my youtube channel and my beauty blog. So I'm a bit excited about that!

Friday Five!

2009-06-14T03:01:00.000-07:00

I know, its Sunday. But I still wanted to do this!

1. What’s something you will not eat unless you also have ketchup?

Eggs, Hot Dogs, Bacon & Cheddar mashed potatos & Hash browns. A lot of stuff taste good only if it has ketchup!

2. What’s something you will not drink unless it is served on ice cubes?

Cherry Limeade.

3. What’s something you will not eat unless it is served between slices of bread?

I dont know, I pick apart my sandwiches all the time, so I dont really care lol.

4. What’s something you will not drink unless you have a straw?

Soda in a restaurant cup or drive thru cup.

5. What’s something else you will not eat except under very specific circumstances?

Green Onions, I guess. I hate green onions but depending on what I eat, I'll deal with it. Like Miso soup for example.

I GOT TO MEET PHILIP DEFRANCO!

2009-06-09T13:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Phil's day in Frisko. The meet up was at 5PM at Pier 39 by the seal's. Why by the seal's? No idea.

So we headed to Frisko a little late cause I suck at waking up early. But we had lunch and I had a loaded potato and Martin had Rubio's. Got to look around the mall for a bit then Martin wanted to walk to Pier 39. So we walked. From Metreon to Pier 39. It went by pretty fast, I mean we always walk from Pier 1 to Metreon. Or Pier 1 to 39 or down to the beach but from Metreon to 39? Not so much. AND 5 F line's passed us! Lame! I got to go in T-Mobile cause I wanna upgrade my SideKick08 to the new SideKickLX09 since it plays youtube and its on a faster connection. A WAY faster connection. I got to play with one and it's pretty freakin sweet. Its a little bit bigger than my cute SideKick08 but the faster connection is SO sweet! It would be $114 for me to upgrade, and $114 for my next 3 billing cycles. Which is coo but still kinda sucks... ugh.

We got to the seal's with 15 minutes to spare. Hung around some people with a guy who had a big sign saying "DeFranco Nation". Then Phil finally shows up!!!!! For those of you who dont know who Philip DeFranco is, he's sxephil on youtube. He usually covers the news on his "show". I've been watching his channel for two years, and at one point the only reason why I still even went on youtube was to watch his show. So it was pretty exciting for me to meet him!

I'm sad I didnt get a picture with him cause as you can see, there was a BUNCH of people there and EVERYONE kept SWARMING him! I finally got in front of him and about five people just stood in front of me. It was so fuckin annoying!!! The crowd finally started to die down and they decided to go eat at some random restaurant and I was so annoyed by then I decided to just leave. We were in that new Players grill that use to be RTA... and Martin saw that the DDR machine had a free game on it and it turned out to be a doubles game so we both played, just since it was free. After the first song, Martin goes "look behind you" and I look behind me and Phil was watching us play!! I kinda hope it isnt but is in his video for yesterday. But yeah.... after that we left. I wanted to get a pic with him, but it was just impossible!

We had dinner at Wipe Out and a nice lonnng talk. I love long nice talks over dinner with him! Then we went home, hella tired and shit.

HOPPER: yay i got tiger wood with wii motion plus!!
OPPER: but i'm at work so i can't play it =(
siin: ?
HOPPER: nm lol

Why do people do that? Seriously. Why are you going to gloat about a game I know nothing about nor do I even care about and when I clearly state I dont know what it is, you go "nm" seriously. And when YOU say something all they say is "uh ok" like damn, can you make it ANY more OBVIOUS you dont care about what other people say? FUCKIN IRRITATING. People really need to quit. Talking. Seriously.

Today we gotta get some paper work done, according to Martin's file he's 7. I dont know how the fuck that happened, but its such a hassle to fix. UGH.

Wait, what are you trying to say?!

2009-06-07T01:24:00.000-07:00

Martin: I sing to myself....
Me: aww
Me: im busy'd
Martin: I know your busy but can you watch this for me pretty please....
Martin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM_vLA1rLNA
Me: Only cause you said pretty please.
Me: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO
Me: What are you trying to say!!!!
Martin: =D
Me: I love you boo!
Me: LOL
Me: You're the fuckin best.
Me: I'm blogging this
Martin: *heart*
Me: How do you use my song against me
Me: LOL

I cant wait to marry his silly butt! LOL.

Pandora Radio.

2009-06-05T01:01:00.001-07:00

Martin's been buggin me about checkin out Pandora Radio. So I made a station with Linkin Park and they were playin my jams. Not just LP, but Switchfoot, Nickleback, ect. It was hot! So I made another station with Donell Jones and I'm just slowinnnn it down up in here. So fuckin relaxing!! I love Donell Jones! He got that kinda voice you just take a candle lit bubble bath to, ya dig?

Okay okay, this site is the shit. I love the sound quality on it. Its CD quality, they play songs within the genre of the singer/song you pick. Its pretty spiffy.

Period's make me sleepy, Its only 1AM and I'm ready to knock out!

I was on Twitter watchin Bow Wow & Soulja Boy on blogtv... watchin Tila's grind video hahaha. It was hella funny, nice to know celeb's are people just like us too. Esp Bow Wow, I've been a fan of his since Bounce With Me. Haha!

So I went shopping with the bestie yesterday. Gooooooooodness! Did some damage at Target, not as much as I usually do, so I was happy about that. But then she took me to CCO. Oh goodness, I fell in love. I didnt know the CCO closer to my house (AHHH THEY PLAYIN NE-YO!) was bigger than the one away from my house!! And they had SO MUCH MORE selection! I went nuts! I was all over the place. I was so so so happy to find MAC Claire de Lune eyeshadow!! Hello, Twilight anyone? LOL. They also had some FLIRT! And some Grass Roots (huge Kohls fan too). So that was a nice surprise.

I had fun with the bestie. She's leavin for the P.I. I'm gonna miss her!! Who am I gonna talk to for the next three weeks?!

So much shit to do today... busy week too. Ahh! Sa'll good though. Gonna finally cop me a Dyno shirt tomorrow. Cause its about time!

Still waitin on my MARK rep kit and my MARK haul, hopefully it'll get here tomorrow. I'm super excited for it. Gotta make a few more videos (even though I havent even uploaded the ones I already have). My blog and youtube arent synced, which gets confusing after awhile... bah!

Still gotta make the layout for the makeup site. Yeah, about that... and still gotta code the layout for the other site... yeah... about that too... haha I'm slackin, I know! But I aint been home and I had a phatty headache yesterday. So.... blaaah!

I'll jump on it though!

I just called AE to see if I could pay my credit card at the store and the operator was like "no there isnt any additional payment method Ms. Aba... Hazel" I giggled. She was obviously tired, she kept correcting herself. I hope I made her night a little better.

Sneezy.

2009-06-04T12:49:00.000-07:00

I woke up about half an hour or so after I planned to wake up. Hanging out with the bestie today before she leaves for the Philippines.

I started my period last night right before I went to sleep. Which was fine, at least I was prepared and not rudely surprised when I woke up this morning.

I did end up sneezy all morning. UGH! Allergies are so tricky. One day you have them, the next week you dont. Then you do. Then you dont. What the heck is going on?!

I'm waiting for my MARK rep starter kit to come in today, hopefully it comes in today! My MARK haul is suppose to be coming in tomorrow. I hope everything comes in on time! Gotta update the makeup blog some more... I like waiting until I get a bunch of comments, a string on entries usually doesnt get many comments. And comments make me happyyyy!

Hm, I guess that's all I've got to say lol. I'm trying to get back into blogging. Even if it is just a scatter of random entries.

Got an appointment tomorrow with the USAF, also got to pay a few bills at the mall... hopefully we'll get done in time to make it to the appointment. I need to stop shopping and start sorting through things considering I might be moving sooner than I think... and we all know how much I love to procrastinate... *sigh*.

I tried Sims3 yesterday. Totally dont know if I like it. Eep. I dont know... it's just so... different. I mean Sims and Sims2 were different as well. I guess I'm just so use to something and now I'm like "whoa whoa, wtf is this?!" you know? Its gonna take some getting use to. That's for sure.

I have a thing for waking up and doing laundry as soon as I wake up... I better go check on that. I always get so lazy when it comes time to get it out of the dryer. Blah!

Chasing dreams.

2009-06-04T02:33:00.001-07:00

I've been so busy lately! Mostly with chasing my dreams. Its such a huge challenge for me, but I'm actually getting through it pretty well. I know I can get this done. I know I can get there... and even on the nights I'm discouraged, when I wake up the next morning, all of it is still worth it.

Every single subscriber, follower, comment, new friend... makes my day. And its just amazing how something so small from someone you dont even know can make your day. And its such a rewarding feeling.

I told myself I wasnt gonna be like everyone else in this town. I dont want to be like everyone else. I dont wanna hussle, I dont wanna chase money. I want to be happy. I want to do something makes me happy. My dreams wont pay off tomorrow or next week or next month or in the next few months, but it doesnt matter because it still makes me happy. Even if I dont reach finish, this journey has still made me happy and at least I know that I'm not as hopeless as I thought I was.

My life is changing, quicker than I expected it to. And as much as I wanted it to, I have to admit... I'm nervous. I'm excited but I'm also nervous.

Today five years ago was the day he got on one knee in front of dozen's of people under the Disneyland castle and proposed to me. Silly nineteen year old's!

I still love him, with all of my heart. And I still say yes.

I'm horrible at updating!

2009-06-02T22:57:00.000-07:00

I'm online everyday and I'm on blogger, everyday but yet... I dont update!! What's up with that! Am I that lazy that pointing and clicking is about as far as I can go? I try to blog before midnight since I hate starting an entry with yesterday. Is it just me? It might be...

Anyway, what has been going on?

Sunday I watched UP in 3D with the boyfriend, he wanted to see it and he wanted to see it in 3D lol. I thought it was gonna be boring, but since I'm a huge Pixar fan, I watched it. OMG, first of all... saddest intro to a movie ever. I swear. I was about to start bawling in that packed movie theater at least three times! It was so cute, cause through the whole sad part, Martin would squeeze my hand. I know he wants to make sure I make it to Disney, and it melts my heart that he does. I'll get there, dont worry babe! After I think we went to Wal Mart cause I ran out of Broccoli Velveeta's, those things are delicious. I bought the last 3 haha. I hope they'll restock these cause OMG, delicious.

Monday which was yesterday duh. I'm all digging in my memory like what was Monday...? haha. We went to the mall, he went to the gym and I tried to go shopping, but I couldnt find anything I wanted. I know, insane. I bought everything I wanted at the mall already! I bought 3 MAC paint pots last week, I took another look at the Style Warriors and nothing screamed out to me, I forgot the brush from BE that I wanted to return, I have too many eyeliners/brushes/eyeshadow.... haha. Darn! I forgot to look for the book I wanted though. Lammmeeee! I did get some of the new Victoria Secret Beauty Rush dome eye shadows. Only because I had a free $10 gift card to spend. I bought 6 since it was 6/$15 and I got one free, so heyyy! And that was about it. The guy who works at the bakery I always eat at gave me a 15% off discount on my meal yesterday, weird. Buuuttt I'm not complaining! Ended up talking to Sammie for about an hour, which was nice. I was trying to buy her eyeliner but she was being difficult lol.

And today we went to get gyoza's cause I'm just way too addicted to them lol. Then we went to Target and I got SIMS3!! HELL YEAH!! FINALLY!! OMG. I bought the demo back in November when I went shopping with Joey. I ended up getting the collectors edition even though it was freakin $70. But I wanted the cool USB drive and the SimCard lol! Besides, I think I shoulda got it cause I am a Sims fan! I also got Hes Just Not That Into You cause I've been craving to watch it for a month. I was sad to see that Confessions of a Shopaholic wasnt out yet. I SO want to watch it! We also headed down to the military offices. I knew they werent booked! Hmm...

I also recorded like five videos today. I did my random's haul video and when I was putting everything away I forgot to mention my V.S and my Cherry Culture haul! ARGHHH! Dont you hate when that happens?! Ah, I'll save it for next, I guess! So I should be uploading some videos soon. Both my camera's died on me during video filming lol. I hate when that happens too. I keep forgetting that filming takes up more battery! Trying to think of what I want my site to look like, drawing out navigation and stuff like that... trying to figure out how to advertise my shop, which is really hard.

I dont see why I keep giving myself all these off the wall challenges and sit there like "I cant do this, I cant do this, there's no way I can do this" but yet I end up doing it. *sigh*. As a business major, I think being a MARK rep would be a very helpful experience. I just gotta think it through.

You miss 100% of the shots you dont take.

Today wasnt interesting.

2009-05-30T22:50:00.000-07:00

Today wasnt interesting. I woke up went to sleep at around 12:30AM this morning cause I was just so tired from forcing myself to wake up and I ended up waking up at 4AM to go pee, and ended up wide away for about an hour. Went back to bed and didnt get out of bed til noon. Totally what I was trying to avoid. Went pee again, and accidentally woke up my cat by opening my door since she was sleeping right next to my door. Sorry kitty!

Did laundry, updated my makeup blog and uploaded some videos. Oh and added some more reviews on yelp, pretty productive if you ask me! I didnt manage to take 15 minutes out of my day to read my book (cause I remembered then I forgot and now I just remembered again) and I didnt get to watch any tv shows (on itunes or DVD, as always) but I did mange to forget all about Facebook & Twitter which really didnt take much effort.

YESTERDAY however I was curious to see this Lush that's suppose to be in one of my favorite shopping centers that I swear wasnt there before! My boyfriend kept saying we passed it before but I think I woulda remembered! So we headed out there, had some California Pizza Kitchen for lunch, got our own pizza's. I got the BBQ Chicken and he got the BLT pizza which was amazingly delicious! It was like... having a BLT on flat bread. SO GOOD! Then we headed out to look for Lush, which was, in fact... there. BUT it wasnt where he thought it was so... I WIN! BOOYAH!

I got 2 soap samples =). Which was really sweet of the lady. I told her I wanted it cut down to $5, then changed my mind and wanted it cut down to $2, so she just gave it to me =). Got a sample of the Makeup Forever HD primer since I heard it was a good pore filler. Lets see about that! Went to Barns & Nobles real quick where he made up the "airplane". Martin makes up these weird things to do when I start getting grumpy to cheer me up. So he goes "lets go fly" and he picks me up and makes these engine sound effects and I'm giggling my ass off at this point and hes carry me around the store LOL. And he goes "please stay seated until the play comes to a complete stop!" so he puts me down and shakes me and makes these fucked up airplane landing sounds LOL!!! I totally felt better after that!

After that went to Wal Mart, we were both really sleepy at this point so we were acting all weird. I ended up getting 4 or 5 of my favorite $.88 tv dinners to prevent from coming back to Wal Mart so many times!! I also got 1 lunchables nachos, they didnt have the deluxe set, booooooo! I also got some ice cream bars and Valvetta with broccoli. They had ones with bacon (but it required a pot) that I hellaaa wanted. Martin knows I wont make it if I cant stick it in the microwave though so I didnt get to get it lol! NEXT TIME I WILL! That shit looked soo good. I'm a sucker for bacon and cheese! My favorite $.88 tv dinners are bacon and cheese on top of a meat patty. SO FUCKIN GOOD!

After that I convinced him to drive me to Target in Napa to look at some ELF stuff hehehe!! So he did. I got 2 things of 3 sets. One was a trio of eyeshadow creams, a trio of eye stuff (eyeliner, mascara and something else) and I got a pressed powder cause I was gonna order it but I took it out of my shopping cart. They dont have much to choose from, but at least if I need a back of the $1 stuff I can just go to Napa for it instead of waiting a few weeks for shipping. Too bad they dont have any brushes though!

After that, went home!

Oh and taught my mom how to log in and out of email, what a search bar was, what google was, and how to get on youtube. Filipino's and their youtube! She looked intruiged but confused at the same time lol.

I'm debating on if I should be a MARK rep.. =\

I forgot how delicious Capri Sun was...

2009-05-27T23:49:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day! I was planning on waking up at 10AM and ended up forcing myself up before it hit 12PM. It's been so hard to get up the morning lately. Its kinda like what my friend says "no job makes you lazy, stay busy!!" its so true. When you're idle all the time, you get lazy! Back when I worked all the time, I was never lazy! I didnt have time to be lazy! I kinda miss that. Now I'm always tired, it sucks! Such a waste of time!

Anyway, was about to leave the house but remembered that I forgot Martin's stuff, so I went to grab it real quick and asked my mom for some money cause I wanted to go shopping. She was like "what are you gonna buy?" I didnt wanna say make up so I said clothes and she made a face lol. There was no good reason! Hahaha. She had a cute outfit she was wearing today though!

Went to get Martin and went to get gas. Then headed to the mall! Had lunch at this Korean BBQ place, I orginally had planned to get lunch there and he could get Subway next door, but he decided he wanted to share a bento box with me. So we got one =). It was good! Not as good as my favorite sushi place, but it was pretty damn good. And 10 Gyoza's for $5? How can you beat that?!

After lunch we went to go walk for a bit, spent some time at Borders. I got the Wonderful Wizard of Oz comic book for this month! I guess I didnt get it, and I almost missed it! That woulda been a bummer. I have all of them except for the first one. Lame haha. Went to Macy's, Martin was asking if I had to pee yet. I always have to pee after I eat and I kept saying no, but he was walking me to Macy's anyway lol, how cute. Went to Benefit to return some stuff and he decided to just go to the gym.

I returned my eyeshadow's from Benefit (I forgot my brush from BE that I wanted to return at home, darn!) and got it on a gift card. Headed over to MAC, then I had to use the bathroom LOL. I got some stuff from the MAC stand using my gift cards then went to the MAC store. The girl working was like "are you doing okay? You probably dont need any help, I know you come in here all the time, but I thought I should just ask" haha how cute!! I love that the workers at MAC remember me =). It kinda makes me feel special. I ended up getting a paint pot, I've been on a crazy paint pot spree lately. They didnt have any green pigments which were kinda a bummer cause I saw some at another MAC, and I wanted to pick one up, but my MAC doesnt have them! Oh, and I was surprised to see that the Style Warriors came out already! It's suppose to be out tomorrow, how weird. Nothing caught my eye.

Martin was done with the gym so we went to Fry's, I was looking for a laptop for my mom since she's been asking for one. And I found one with 4GiGs of RAM & 320 GiG hard drive for $600. Which I thought was good, since its less than both my laptop and my desktop and it has more RAM. I only have 3GiGs of RAM on my desktop, my laptop only has 2. So I figure with 4, she wont have to upgrade any time soon. I also got her a cute blue wireless mouse, since her favorite color is blue. And I got myself a Cookies & Creme candy bar and Gamer Grub haha. It sounds good! I'ma have to take a picture and show it later.

Headed home and to Wal Mart. Spotted some people we didnt want to see... Picked up the Maybelline duo in Sea Glass which I had my eye on, forever! And my favorite $.88 frozen dinners, some brownies (Little Debbie!) and a Lunchables Nachos Deluxe pack. Oh Wal Mart, you make it so hard to hate you!! Delicious $.88 frozen dinners? You know I'll keep coming back for more!

Grabbed some dinner at Jack in the Box and went home.

Just finished setting up my mom's email address, gotta set up her laptop after its done charging. Just got done watching the 2nd episode of 90210, I'm hooked!!!

Its barely midnight and my eyes are heavy and I feel fuzzy, what's going on?!

Oh, weather changes. And WordPress.

2009-05-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

My skin type is extremely dry. When the weather changes, it goes nuts. It starts itching and flaking and its just not cute and rather annoying!! I cant wear mineral or powder foundation (or any powder really on my face) because it not only irritates my skin but it emphasizes on the dry area's. I cant wear heavy amounts of make up on my cheeks either for the same reason. I do moisturize before bed and I did exfoliate up until my exfoliate expired. I should re-order a new one before Bath & Body Works discontinues it since it seems to be the only one that hasnt terribly dried out or irritated my skin. *sigh*. It just sucks to deal with this all the time! Then of course, by the middle of summer I'll be a huge shine ball. Oh skin, why must you hate me? It's not just my face either, it my hands too.

Oh another note...

I finally figured out how to install WordPress on to my main page, as you can see. I also figured out how to install the non easy one. So I now have full control over my WordPress. The only problem is, I'm extremely new to WordPress. And I know I cant just jump into it thinking that I know exactly what I'm doing if I've never sat down and had a nice can of Dr. Pepper with it! And yet, I expect just that to happen. I'm still trying to get use to all the things on the left side. All the nifty gadgets and plugins and widgets...

My biggest irritation right now though, is trying to figure out how to edit my template! I've looked at a bunch of other sites powered by WordPress to see how they did theirs, but I dont know if its a WordPress template or an actually layout. I hate how default-ish my page looks right now! Grrr. I'm also trying to figure out if it would be possible to create/edit my WordPress template in DreamWeaver.

I'm not a huge fan of DreamWeaver. I took a web design class in 2005, and it was so hard to understand... then again this is coming from someone who started when Notepad was the "DreamWeaver". So I guess I'm still stuck in that I'd-rather-edit-on-notepad phase. I'm having fun figuring all this out though. I forgot how fun and rewarding web and graphic design can be. I regret leaving it for five years. But hey, I'm back now and I'm gonna be better than I was before =).

Yesterday was a good day =]

2009-05-24T13:24:00.000-07:00

SPiNNiNG: Think Of You by Case <3.

I was in a blah mood yesterday. I kinda wanted to stay home but I kinda wanted to go out. And I kinda wanted to go to Target in the next city over cause they sell ELF there lol. I know, silly reason. But Martin wanted to go to Bay Street, and I figured why not. I wanted to try California Pizza Kitchen since all my friends keep talking about it. So we go over there and we get the BBQ Pizza and I get a cherry lemonade and OMGGG, the food was SO good. I wanted to get another one to go, but instead I got a hot fudge sundae. I know wtf. Went to B&N real quick but didnt end up looking at anything cause we wanted to go to Ranch 99 too.

So headed over to Ranch, walked around a bit. I got a little cute jar and those star papers. I was on a search for smellies (as my friend calls them) and OMG they were super over priced! I did get to test smell them though, so I have a nice little wish list for him next time he orders LOL. I got a King Mickey (from Kingdom Hearts) shirt and I got.... a Axel figurine!!! Martin had pointed out they had a series 3 out now, but it only showed Minnie, Jack Sparrow and Sora. I have Axel for series 2 (or was it Roxas, I cant remember) so I was bummed about that, but when I was about to pay for my shirt, I noticed they had a mini's for series 3 and AXEL was one of them. But it was one of those at random boxes. So me and the cashier were trying to guess which one was Axel. She said if I got Jack she'd let me pick another one cause she wanted Jack. So I opened my first box and it was Jack haha. So I had Martin pick my next box and IT WAS AXEL!!! I was so excited!! Hehe. Yayy!!

Went to the grocery store to get Egg Drop Soup but they dont sell it anymore =(. It was one of the best I've had (besides the one in the Philippines)! I did get a small thing of Chow Mein, 2 pot stickers and 1 shrimp dumpling but the lady gave me one for free =D. The Chow Mein was so good! And it was only $1.70, she packed it too lol.

After that we headed to Wal Mart back home. Picked up some groceries that came out to $11. And it was a crap load of stuff. Wal Mart makes it so hard for me to hate them.... arghhh!

Came home and worked on my layout some more, I love the way it turned out! I just gotta figure out the navigation today and the CSS and I'm done! Martin got his own domain yesterday too! I'm pretty excited to see how it'll turn out =).

I'm excited I hit 20 blogger followers and 29 youtube subscribers last night!! Yayyy!!! =)

Domain & layout troubles.

2009-05-20T15:46:00.000-07:00

I finally got around to attempting to make my domain layout/banner today and I hated it! I hate when I make something & I hate it. It discourages me and I most likely give up. I know, not the best way to go about things, right? Then again I cant just expect to make something amazing if I havent even attempted to make a layout or banner for the last four years. I think I just expect too much out of myself.

::sigh:: back to the drawing board....

I've been obsessed with "I'll Forgive You" by Bobby Valentino && "Jai Ho!" by Pussycat Dolls (thanks to my bestie!). Seriously, only things I listen to. Oh and "Last Chance" by Ginuwine annnnd I found my favorite version of Mambo, Italiano. So that was pretty exciting. Dont you just hate when you love hard to find songs? It gets a bit frustrating at times.

I havent had much to blog about... life isnt to exciting these days...

I finally paid off my school fee's the other day. That I owed from last semester. I know. Walking away saying "fuck that I aint payin shit" probably isnt the best way to go LOL. So I went and paid that off & I signed up for summer school classes. I'm listed for the one I wanted and I'm wish listed on the other one I want... I know I should take some GE, but I'm too scared to, to be honest! I'm horrible when it comes to college. But I'm determined to make things right (dont I say that every semester? Hopefully I mean it this time...) even if it means asking Bernard for help/studying in his living room. I'm sure he wont mind!

Oh! The other day I gave in and I GOT WICKED TICKETS!!!!!!!!! I got the day, time and price I wanted! So I'm pretty excited about that!!

Downside of the week/end? A second credit card got its limit lowered. I was starting to think I did something wrong til Sammie sent me an article about how 1 in 6 american's are dealing with this problem (but it happened to me twice, wtf?!). So I'm not too worried about it. It just sucks they switched my limit in the middle of my billing cycle, so its "over". Even though I didnt receive this letter they speak of. Its funny how they can email you offers and coupons but they snail mail you the important shit like oh, I dont know... lowering your credit limit?! Gee, thanks.

Yesterday I gave in and ended up buying the Gossip Girl season finale. I told myself I was gonna watch Season 1 and watch Season 2 when it comes out and wait to watch the finale then, but everyone was talking about it so I just gave in and watched it. And I really liked it! Blair and Chuck are the hottest couple ever!

Screw Edward Cullen, I need me a Chuck Bass!!!

Me and the bestie were talking last night. And I was saying "I like when a guy does you wrong then runs back saying how much they need you and how sorry they are, then does it again and creates this endless heartbreaking cycle" and she was like "oh, you mean assholes?" and I was like "YES! I LOVE THAT!" hahahhaa. Its true, guys are attracted to bitches and girls are attracted to assholes! Maybe that's why I was so stuck on CJ (sorry CJ, but you know its true. You were a total asshole but its okay I still *heart* you LOL). Maybe the reason for me is different than everyone else. I dont take a lot of things seriously, and I dont know, I just love when they run back and admit how wrong they were and how they realize how important you are to them. Just the fucked up-ness of it all. Is hot haha. Plus nothings better than making up after breaking up. Right?! Sometimes I think I should still be going around making mistakes instead of being with one person for so long. But at the same time, I think I've done enough damage to my name lol. Besides, I would really miss Martin. Which kinda makes me gag to actually say that. I know, I know. We've been together for five years and I'm still super anti-relationship-ish. Crazy, I know.

Totally off subject, but I've been super addicted to ELF lately. Like, as soon as I got hooked on their Studio Brushes, I've been making orders from them like crazy! But then I always get those 50% off codes and stuff, so that might be why. They released a new collection, I forgot what its called... Sugar Kiss or something? I wish they'd add more things to their Studio Collection! I hope they do! I finally found the lipstick color I've been searching high and low for at MAC (it isnt the exact one since the one I had wasnt MAC, but it matches from what I remember) and I got a Paint Pot, just to see what its all about. I didnt get the one that I assumed I'd get, but its okay.

That's about all thats been goin on!