Chasing dreams.

I've been so busy lately! Mostly with chasing my dreams. Its such a huge challenge for me, but I'm actually getting through it pretty well. I know I can get this done. I know I can get there... and even on the nights I'm discouraged, when I wake up the next morning, all of it is still worth it.

Every single subscriber, follower, comment, new friend... makes my day. And its just amazing how something so small from someone you dont even know can make your day. And its such a rewarding feeling.

I told myself I wasnt gonna be like everyone else in this town. I dont want to be like everyone else. I dont wanna hussle, I dont wanna chase money. I want to be happy. I want to do something makes me happy. My dreams wont pay off tomorrow or next week or next month or in the next few months, but it doesnt matter because it still makes me happy. Even if I dont reach finish, this journey has still made me happy and at least I know that I'm not as hopeless as I thought I was.

My life is changing, quicker than I expected it to. And as much as I wanted it to, I have to admit... I'm nervous. I'm excited but I'm also nervous.

Today five years ago was the day he got on one knee in front of dozen's of people under the Disneyland castle and proposed to me. Silly nineteen year old's!

I still love him, with all of my heart. And I still say yes.

Discouraged.

So yesterday was spent at the mall, as usual. Had lunch at that Korean BBQ place at SunValley. They're my when-I-cant-get-to-Todai Udon place. Tried their Gyzoy's since my favorite place changed theirs. I'm still hoping it was an off day. Either way the Korean BBQ place was cheaper and DELICIOUS. I think I'll be going back for more (10 for $5?! HELL YES). Before Martin went to the gym he decided to take all of my credit cards with him. Dammit, what gave him that idea? I was planning on buying some Dior lipgloss. Laaaame. I did end up getting that Bare Minerals Naturally Classic set. I was looking through their eyeshadow/pigments and they look really nice. I'm not a huge BM fan but I'm open to try new products. The lady that was helping me was explaining it and she stops mid sentence and goes "I really like the eye shadow you're wearing is it one of ours?" and I was like "oh... no, its Urban Decay Primer Potion... in Sin" and she was like "oh it looks exactly like ours!" then I wondered if she knew what UDPP was... lol. But I love getting compliments on my makeup, it makes me feel like I'm doing something right. Which is great, considering I dont know what the fuck I'm doing half the time! I intended to read my book while Martin was at the gym (I'm lagging on my books and DVD's list) but I ended up on Twitter, go figure.

We headed to Fry's and I ended up getting the red external hard drive over the pink one. The pink one wasnt my shade of pink. It was cute but too bright. Like a bright baby pink, it might had just been the hard drive finish or the box it was in. Either way, I got my external so I'm happy! Headed to Micheal's (it was raining at this point) and got some beads! And a bead jewelry making book! So yeah, super excited. Hopefully I'll end up learning how to make this stuff...

I was a little discouraged last night. I started making video's on youtube and I know it'll take awhile before I even get good at what I'm doing and even longer to get people to notice me, I get that. But what discourages me is that the people who know me dont even bother checking my stuff out then what about the people who dont know me? I'm totally convinced that I'm just boring. I'm still trying to get over being camera shy and I'm sure once I get over that, I should be fine. I'm also saving up for a Mac Book cause I like the video quality on that more than my camera. And Windows Movie Maker is such a bitch to work with.

If you're interested in checking out my stuff...

http://www.youtube.com/user/FoOLiShxLaDy
http://foolishxlady.blogspot.com

I also bought two domains the other day. I'm working on one of them right now, oh how I missed dreamhost! It was such a quick and easy install to get Wordpress into my server. But now I just have to make and code a front page layout. Something I've been out of touch with for so long.... arghh. I'll post up the link when the site is done.

I had a horrible dream last night, it was a bunch of random just creepy circus type of dreams. But the last part of the my dreams was the worst. It was horrible! I want to talk about it, but at the same time, I dont cause I dont want it to come true. I know, I'm so paranoid! I was so scared to go to sleep after that, but I eventually fell back to sleep and had no dreams after that, thank God.

I should probably go back to getting stuff done.