He's getting discharged.

So I should had wrote about this when it happened but I just wasnt in the mood to talk. Dang, now I have to start from the beginning.

So on the 18th, I was suppose to see Wicked with my sister-in-law and I woke up with an ulcer. I thought I just had to poop (you know how sometimes that m

akes your stomach hurt) but it wasnt that. Then it hit me, it was an ulcer. I took some Tums (even though that doesnt help it but hey, I had hopes) and tried to tough it out cause I already paid $120 for these tickets the week before. So I drove to the Ferry Building and I can not tell you how painful the drive was. So we park and I already know I cant walk. And it was 10AM, the show wasnt until 2PM and I knew I was going to be in an insane amount of pain if I were to walk around SF. Which sucks cause I had plans to go places before the show. So I was really really sad. And Marissa was being super understanding, so thank goodness for that.

I called my dad and told him I wasnt able to drive home so he had to come get us. So he came to drive us home and got me some Won Ton Soup on the way home.

I get home and the soup did make me feel a bit better and I went to lay down and Marissa went to finish hot glue gunning the favors together (her and Martin dont let me near hot glue guns, grrr). Around 12PM my stomach started to feel better. I know, right? It would. Anyway, I went to look up designs for my hair and wedding cake. At 2PM I took this picture:

My phone says 2:02PM. I had a count down going. Marissa had to cover my eyes at 2PM lol! So we did what any sane people who missed Wicked did.

We played the soundtrack.

HAHA!

Probably not the best idea, but hey. It made us feel like we were there. Kinda.

Anyway, eventually I took a nap. When the ulcer fades I get a slight headache and chills. I was coming down with a fever and I was telling Marissa I was having chills so she took off her sweater and put it over me and its one of those thick wool type wrap things and OMG it was so warm that I instantly fell asleep.

Marissa woke me up cause my phone was ringing and you know how instantly you kinda just wake up when your phone goes off? Yeah. So I got up and no one said shit on the other line so I hung up and called the number back, no answer. So I got up to go pee and the phone rings and its Martin so I go back to the room and hes like "did you call me back?" and I was like "uh... maybe" lol!

But he called and he was like "I have bad news, I'm being discharged..." he sounded really sad and disappointed and I tried making him feel better. I know he felt defeated and I know how bad he wanted this, he was explaining to me why they were discharging him and they transfered him and he'll be home soon and to tell his family. I told him Marissa was there taking care of me. We called both of our mom's when I got off the phone with him.

I spent all yesterday moping around. Someone told me that the tendon actually takes only 3 weeks to heal and my mom (who's an RN) confirmed this so I thought there would still be hope and that he can come back in 6 months, not 2 years like they told him.

So he called me this morning (at like freakin 7:30AM, wth), again with the instantly waking up lol! I told him the good news but he said that since hes flat footed, and with this tendon, its reoccurring. Its not usually a chronic problem, but for him it is. He said they cant discharge him for flat feet and they cant discharge him for his tendon but since he has both they have to. And that it would take him more than six months to fix it. =( I tried. I asked him if he still wanted to get married and he was like "yes, I do" he sounded a little sad, I just wanted to make sure. I told him I talked to my mom last night and she said it was alright with her. He said he'd be home soon, hopefully before or after Thanksgiving.

We got to talk for 25 minutes and it felt like forever, it was kinda nice. He was laughing a lot more, so that made me happy. He was talking about his uniform and how he took his flight pictures already with his blues and his camos. And he said he was wearing his camos while he was talking to me and I was like "this is so unfair I wanted to see you in your camos" and he was like "yeah, I know, and to be honest I dont look bad in them" BITCH hahaha. I asked about his name tag and he was telling me he had some and he was like "I'm hella touching my uniform and pointing at it like you can see me" haha. But he has to return his blues and his camos. I asked him to ask if you can keep the hat. Cause I want his hat. And his name tag. I'm a sucker for military uniforms, but just certain pieces lol!

I was like "oh hey thanks for taking us to Todai last week" and he was like "you're.... I did what?" and he started laughing he was like "how do you just tell me that" hahaah! Hey, I have a problem with lying okay? Geez. And I was telling him how Marissa is harder on me than he is when it comes to spending money and a bunch of other things. It wasnt as sad as our usual conversations are, which was nice. He was like "I got your letter yesterday and how you were saying I'll do good and I was like aw fuck" haha!!

I miss him so much, I can not wait for him to come home even if it means he didnt graduate. We're still getting married, even if it means living away from each other... at home... with our parents... lol. We'll figure something out, we always do. Well hey, at least now I can move to Washington like I wanted right? lol. LETS HOPE.

He's still my Airman and I'm still so very proud of him. He'll get it right eventually and when he does, I'll be there besides him. My parents are for him trying again once he heals up too. And that makes me happy. Our lives are hard and we have a ton of bad luck, but we're so lucky to have such supportive families and people in our lives. Life may suck, but the people who pull you back up when you're down make life that much more brighter.

I hope it brings you bliss.

Me: I hope you're happy. Now that you're choosing this.
Martin: I hope it brings you bliss.
Me: I really hope you get it.
Martin: And you dont live to regret it.
Martin: I hope you're happy, in the end.
Me: I hope you're happy.
Me & Martin: My friend.


Yes, we sang a part of Defying Gravity to each other before saying goodbye. Does that make us lame? I dont really care. Its what we do, and it was actually really sad. I love you babe, I'm so proud of you. And I'm so thankful. You're my dream come true too, I'll be here waiting for you to come home. =(

----------

So he's shipping out in the morning, I'm feeling a little numb right now. We spent a lot of time yesterday talking, trying to laugh, staring at each other, hugging, crying and kissing. "Forever isnt enough time with you". It isnt, and yes. I want more time too. I tried my best to be strong and I was surprised at the fact that I was being the strong one and he wasnt. Then he said "every drive home, you'll be okay" and I cracked. I cant believe hes really going. This is surreal, this is insane. I dont think its fully hit me yet, I'm still awake. Waiting for him to IM me saying hes going to bed. Even though hes not online =\.

I dont know what I'm going to do.

Thank you!

Thank you everyone for the congrats on the engagement! I'm excited! Though my ring makes it hard to wash my hands. And every time he squeezes that hand, I wanna punch him in the face. It hurts! Haha. But I really like it, he did SO well. I think hes more amazed with it than I am though, I swear he wants to see it every five seconds.

I'm feeling mixed emotions. I'm excited because now I can plan the wedding and do all the exciting girly things (minus having someone to do them with which is why I'm hoping Marissa will be free for the next few months so I can drag her around with me lol)! But at the same time, I'm sad and anxious because it just makes everything so much more... real. Him leaving for Basic Training, him being gone for the next six or so months... not being able to talk to him for the first six and a half weeks he'll be gone... our lives changing and growing up. I think I'm scared of that the most. Seriously, just thinking about it is giving me a lump in my throat and making me super anxious.

Is this normal? To be excited but scared and anxious at the same time?

I'm excited to start a new life, to finally get to start my life with him. But I dont want to leave my parents. I dont want to move to somewhere random not knowing how far away I'll be. I dont want to be away from my dog and cat. I couldnt imagine calling any other room "my room". I know I can always come home. I know I can always call my mom and dad. But it wont be the same, you know? I'm 24, I'm suppose to had already left home... but still. It feels so... scary =(.

I thought the heat was over!

It was super cold last night and now today its really really warm. I'm not gonna say hot cause its not super I-cant-breathe hot but its between really warm and lightweight hot. Point is, its not cold! Wth!

I had some Micky D's today and its not agreeing with my stomach. Lately nothing I've been eating has been. I think I have a lightweight stomach flu or something. Its really frustrating. Or maybe I just need to stop drinking soda cause my stomach hurts really bad when I drink soda these days too. Sick almost. Its just hard when your parents buy a billion boxes of soda. I know its cheaper, but damn.

Had my first argument with my bestie last night. I think she's making the worst choice of her life and its not like me to butt in someones life and be like "excuse me, but that's a dumb move" but I'd just hate to see her do something stupid. She always says that she dates assholes but if you think about it... look at where she meets these guys! She finally finds someone who could be really good to her and shes being stupid. Argh, just makes me mad. I know it shouldnt and it is her life but you know, shes my best friend. I just want her to be happy too. It only took us 10 years to finally have an actual argument where I was actually yelling at her. I'm glad she doesnt hate me for it, and she was actually considering what I was saying... and whining LOL. And it hit a point where she was like "dude, you're tired of arguing with me, arent you?" and I was like "yeah sometimes I just hit a point where I'm like you know what fuck it do what you want" and shes like "yeah, I can totally tell" haha!

I went through a bunch of my makeup bags and I found some more stuff I'm wiling to get rid of. There's still more but I havent gotten that far into my closet just yet. I'm also going to be selling DVD's/CD's/video games but that's gonna take a whole 'nother day to sort though. So far I have one movie up for sale. I just gotta edit the pictures (dont you hate when on camera they dont look dark but on the PC, they look darker?) and post them. So check my blog sale for new items! All this stuff is either again not used, swatched a few times or used once.

Had a hit of inspiration this morning for some Disney inspired jewelry. So I'm on the hunt for a couple of findings/crystals and I'm going to write it down this time so I dont forget!! So, hopefully in a week or two I'll have some new Disney inspired up on my crafts blog. I'm thinking of what I'm going to release for my Fall set but nothing is coming to mind right now. I might have to scatter my crystals around and hope that something hits me. I just gotta get something new up soon.

I'm hungry =( but I'm scared nothing's going to agree with my stomach right now. The thought of food is making my stomach curl. Ugh.

I have this fear of getting cavities (part of why I'm so bent on not drinking soda anymore) and even after I have a cavity filled, I still think its not and it'll still ache. I guess cause I still think about it constantly. And I mean constantly. So I set an appt next week and since my insurance ran out when I turned 23, its going to cost $266 for an xray, cleaning and fluoride. Insane right? I need insurance. Martin needs to hurry up and marry me! Haha. I think thats one of the things he's gonna say to my parents when he talks to them later this week "you know, I can pay her bills -- cause we all know how bad those are... and she'll get insurance -- cause we all know how she's constantly sick..." haha. He's the best. He's already told me I have no choice, I have to get eyesight surgery. And I'm terrified, but he thinks I'll go blind. He's also going to find a way to fix my back (I have an extreme bad habit of slouching). But I do love that he cares about my health so much. I'm going to really miss him when he leaves. Who am I gonna call in the middle of the night when I have bad dreams, paranoia or intrusive thoughts? *sigh*. OCD + your support system gone = not a good thing. But he's being strong for us, so I have to be strong too. It's only fair.

Ace, State Fair annnd..... the talk.

First of all, today's my dad's birthday!! I made him a key chain but I was in such a hurry since I came home late last night from the CA State Fair that I didnt get a chance to take pictures (or put the last biocone on it, darn).

So yeah, yesterday was the State Fair! We look forward to this every year and sadly, this is our last CA State Fair. We start off the day at Arden Mall (OMG I was so excited they had my Ruby Thai place there!!) and we got a Build-A-Bear! We were due, we get one every other year I think. We have really weird traditions that happen on accident. I really wanted the Autumn bear after Barbz had mentioned it. So, that's what we got. I dont think I'm gonna post every picture from the State Fair. I didnt get to splurge on yummy fair food because they didnt have a big selection this year (I wanted the deep fried smores, but that's not extreme or fun!) and because my stomach hasnt liked anything I've been eating lately. We also got there later than usual and didnt have time to do everything we wanted =(. I did get a chance to practice my photography, I dont know where my shutter speed option is so... that really sucks lol.

Here's Ace, naked.


Yay!! All dressed up in his uniform!

A pin we got from the USAF table at the fair.

I picked out the bear, and Martin dressed him and named him. "See, now you'll remember exactly when I left" lol. Fall has a whole new meaning now, doesnt it? I love Fall, Fall reminds me of Martin. And this is the first Fall I'll have in the last six years without him. And he's gonna be gone for our first date anniversary! I know, its silly I celebrate that right? But hey it was an epic turning point in my life. Seriously.

So, The Talk. I was doing my laundry this morning, you know. Minding my own business... and my mom goes "so... are you guys getting married" I shrugged and try to play it off. But I'm horrible at lying! I use to be so good at it! Now I feel so guilty! My former best friend told me it was a shitty trait. Being honest. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I dont. Depends I guess. Anyway, I ended up telling her our plans and she said the same thing as Martin "for now you can just sign papers at a court house" NO MOTHER, I CANT. Argh! I told her if I'm gonna be rushed into it, I'll be rushed into it with at least SOME class. I want it to be at least a little special. But she's happy, actually she looked excited. She was like "we just want someone who will take care of you and Martin has". It meant a lot to me that she said that. I told her I felt too young to get married and she laughed at me! My mom laughed at me! Her reply was "well, you guys have been together for a long time". How is this funny mother?! It almost felt like she was saying "okay, you can go off and play" type of thing. They know we're never apart. And I'm sure my parents can tell how hard I'm going to take him being gone. I'm sure they're preparing themselves for this. My mom finds me predictable, its probably because she's my mother. But I'm happy she does. I told her I didnt want to leave home and she kept telling me it was okay. Everything will be fine. And she promised to watch my kitty and puppers while I'm gone. Well, they're the family pets but you know, I spend a lot of time with them. It was an awkward talk, but I'm glad she's happy for me. I told her Martin still wanted her permission and she kept saying "we're okay with it" and I was like "hes asking anyway!"

This is just.... awkward lol.

Waiting.

Yesterday Martin left for MEPS, he said that the exams could take all day, so I'm waiting for his call. He texted me at 4:40AM-ish saying they were playing my favorite movie "Best Friends" where he was and from 5AM to 12PM I woke up every hour checking my phone to see if he texted me again, even though phones arent allowed at the exam. I'm curious, nervous and excited to know what job he picked and when he'll be leaving for basic. Though 30 hours away from each other really sucks and we're able to talk/text. How am I gonna go six weeks without hearing one word from him? How am I gonna go eight and a half weeks without seeing him? God! I sound like one of those super clingy dependent girlfriends who should really get an effen life. It's really grossing and disturbing me. I use to be so independent, but of course. That's gonna be left for another entry.

Dont you hate when you have this great, epic, perfect entry pieced together in your head and you go grab some lunch or take a quick shower and poof the epic great entry is... gone? I think sometimes I should jot down key points, topics, etc... but I mean would the entry still flow if I'm not in that mind set anymore?

Random fact: I had a "forever scab" growing up on my right leg. Well I got bored and picked it off a few days ago (for the first time in probably 10 years) and now its gone! Its not back yet and its kinda freaking me out =(.

I was suppose to hang out with my bestie yesterday but it didnt work out, is it bad that I was a little sad? Actually, I was really sad. It kinda reminded me of how alone I am without Martin and without Flix here any more, it makes me worry about my sanity when he leaves for basic. I'm sure I'll be fine, I mean, I dont have much of a choice... but it just sucks not having anyone to talk to or hang out with any more (again, another entry on another day). Am I really better off than all the popular kids who still have all their friends?

Martin mentioned leaving in January instead and I broke down and cried. He'll miss my birthday. I hate my birthday. The only reason why I celebrate it is because Martin forces me to. And I'll be turning 25 this year. I've been dreading turning 25. I'm suppose to have a degree by 25. I'm suppose to at least know where I'm going at 25. And I'm just disappointed in myself that I dont. I dont have anything. I have experience in a job that cant even land me a decent job at a bank but everyone else who doesnt have my experience get hired at banks all the time. I always joked with people saying if I'm not graduated by 25, I'm going to kill myself. It kinda wasnt a joke. I'm going be half way to 50. Its just a depressing age in general! And its not like I didnt try. I just suck when it comes to college. Seriously. Martin joining the AF makes me feel like I still have 4 years to fix it. Even though, I'll be 29 by then *sigh*. It just sucks that if hes not going to be here, I'm probably going to end up just sleeping the day away. I dont have anyone else to hang out with.

Speaking of, he has to pick 5 jobs and he picked his 3 computer jobs. And he told me he was considering taking mental health and I was like "that's what I would take if I was capable of joining the USAF" and he was like "I know, that's why I want to take it too. I want to know whats wrong with my baby too" that made me tear. He'd sit and read OCD self-help books with me everyday because I was too scared to go to therapy and he'd sit and read with me for hours trying to understand it too. Until I eventually ended up going to therapy and hes been to every single therapy appointment I've ever gone to. Every time its over hes there to give me a hug and ask me how it went. He also is considering taking something else, I dont remember the exact name but he mentioned that he'd be able to get a degree in hotel and restaurant management with it. Which was my first major. And he was like "I wanna learn how to cook and teach you too, I know you'd like that". And I was telling him not to pick just anything cause hes gonna be stuck with that job for 3 years, but he was telling me its things he'd like to get into. And it just made me cry. Does that make me sound lame? How did I end up so lucky?

I'm sorry this entry isnt too happy either. I think I'm just under the weather. I dont really know exactly why, I'm not too sad about him leaving soon. Unless its one of those subconscious things. Sorry I havent really been commenting on everyone's journal's. I've been reading them! I just... well you know. I'll stop saying sorry now.

Thanks for all your support girls. I really really do appreciate it.

New obsession...

Hello to all my new followers =D. Dont forget to subscribe to my beauty blog as well!

Lately I've been finding myself wanting to look at bead's online and find bead stores more than looking at makeup! I know, this is some pretty serious stuff! I remember spotting Jolee's Jewels at Michael's a year or two ago, the pretty colors caught my attention but back then I thought dude, I could never pull off making decent jewelry! So I'd just look and not buy, besides when you add the prices it got pretty expensive. And back then I was set on making pouches (I have a bunch of fabric I never made into pouches because it turned out harder than I thought... that's what I get for not looking something up first! I do have a mini sewing machine but nowhere to put it, so hopefully when I move out next year I can set it up somewhere and put the fabric to use!). I've been peeking through some beading magazines and looking tutorials on youtube and I figure... this cant be hard. So I bought a few things to make my mom a necklace for her birthday, but I was missing some Swarovski butterflies to add to it, I dont want to just give her a plain one charm necklace... and I didnt really want to spend $8 on two charms. But it just so happens that when I bought the charms, Michael's provided me with a 20% off coupon for the following Sunday. So I waited til yesterday and I picked up a bunch of stuff! My budget was $40 and with the 20% off & a 40% off one item coupon, it went from $44 to $32. Yay! I also got some oven bake clay, gonna attempt to make some Mario stars lol. I also picked up a Lisa Frank sticker book, the boyfriend made me put back the sticker book but not the clay o_O.

Speaking of, I need to make a list of things to do before he leaves! My cousin's wedding is on Saturday, what do you wear to a wedding?! I personally hate going to weddings, I hate dressing up. I'm sure I'll hate dressing up on my wedding day as well. And OMG I'm not looking forward to my wedding, I hate all the attention being on me.

ELF came out with a bunchhhhh of new stuff =D. Palettes, bronzers, Mineral lipgloss, liquid eyeliner colors, kabuki brushes. Nuts. I'm so happy they're adding new stuff, esp to the Studio collection! Yayyy!!

I've been sucked into StarCraft again. Seriously, me and the boyfriend play every night. Every "quick game" turns out to be two hours long lol! I really need to learn how to speed things up. I take so long making everything, but I'm getting better! My base wasnt destroyed last night, thank goodness. Pre-orders for Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days is out! Sadly the US wont be getting the same DSi bundle that Japan had because they dont think it will sell well. Uhm hello!! You released a DS bundle for Brain Age and that sold well, I think Kingdom Hearts will do even better! We've just been waiting for this for oh, I dont know... five years?! UGHH. That sucks. I was really hoping to get the DSi. Hopefully they change their mind!

Changed the layout.

I changed the layout on this blog to a layout I had on my Xanga a few years back LOL. Its suppose to be Mary Had A Little Lamb. It's kinda cute, dont you think? =]

I also changed the layout to the beauty blog. I was tired of the default-ness of it all. I dont usually like using pre-made templates but I've been so out of touch with graphic design and coding that this will have to do until I get off my lazy ass and make something! I mean, I have the layout idea's in mind and I have everything I need to make the layouts... its just... making them then coding them that I have a problem with, right now lol. But I'll get to it eventually!

I tried adding AdSense to the beauty blog yesterday and it just wasnt working with me! I dont know what I was doing wrong... argh. Whatevs!

Dont you guys hate when people dont talk to you for five years then suddenly pop out of the blue and ask you to come over to see their business presentation for a pyramid scheme they just joined? Yeah, me too lol. Seriously, its so annoying because he has even replied to any of my messages, comments or even returned any of my phone calls for five years and now he expects me to go to some business meeting at his house? Uh, I dont think so! And so when I tell him that I'm car-less because I just got into an accident he replies with "I can pick you up if you'd like". Wow, thanks for asking me if I'm okay. Totally know where your head's at. I'm so tired of people using their friends for their "business". And please, if I say no twice, what in your right mind makes you think the third time you ask I'll say yes? Seriously? Get a clueeeeee!

Martin's been studying for his ASVAB all week. Hes going to be taking an extra week to study, which I dont mind. I'd rather he get the score he's aiming for on the first try then have to retake it and wait another 30 days. If he does end up in the field he wants to be in, his Tech School will be in Mississippi and I'm a little bummed out about it. All the other schools are in TX and CA, but his just had to be in Mississippi! Of course. Why did I assume it wouldnt be. Ugh. He wanted me to move there for a few months, but it would be a waste since people are telling me that he wont get much time to leave the base in the first place. So I think I'll just visit once or twice a month. Flying by myself is such a scary thought though. Plus its a 3 hour flight, landing is probably the most hardest thing for me to do, my ears literally feel like they're bleeding if I dont put my ear plugs on right. Even an hour flight can be painful. How much more for a three hour flight?! I should probably get my ears checked some time soon, and flush them again as well... they're getting saucy LOL.

Martin was talking about how he might get me a my MacBook Pro for Christmas and how he's gonna get me a gift every six months. But out of that all I heard was: MacBook. Christmas. He thought it was funny that I was more excited about that than getting a gift every six months. Eye on the prize! Haha!

A few things I want to do this summer before he leaves:

• Monteray Aquarium
• Santa Cruz
• Pixar

That's about it haha. Hopefully he leaves for Basic after Sept 12th too, cause we're suppose to be watching Wicked around then. I'd hate for him to wait til November to go to Basic. We'll see though...