Friday, January 29, 2010

Grrr cold weather, grrr!!

I dont hate cold weather (I had to delete my previous sentence lol!) but I'm not loving it at the moment either. It was nice and warm and sunny when I was getting ready for school yesterday morning. Well, on our way to school, as soon as we crossed the bridge, there it was... fog.

Today it was really dark and cloudy, which is probably why I slept til 1:30PM, it didnt look like daytime just yet! Argh. And then, as soon as I decide to record a video (finally, after a month of not recording any videos), it starts raining. And it gets darker outside. There goes my brilliant idea to record a video. I need better lighting in my room! Grr.

I'm also not liking the cold weather right now because... cold weather makes me pee a lot! I know its not just me who has this problem! Seriously, during the winter, I pee like every 15 minutes. I'm not even kidding. It's so frustrating!

I have a ton to do today, and I know a ton of things wont get done... my OCD is acting up, big time due to stress and bills (at least I'm aware!) so, that sucks. I'm hoping to push through it later tonight and just get some cleaning done anyway. I need to.

I got my ears flushed (FINALLY) the other day. Everything is like 5 times louder. It's kinda weird. I'll post a blog about it on the beauty blog sometime soon (hopefully later tonight or tomorrow).

Sunday, January 24, 2010

My spending is coming to an end...

I grew up spoiled. I know I did. I dont act like a spoiled brat but I do expect to get everything I want. Yes, I grew up spoiled. I grew up a Daddy's Girl but for a good portion of my life, the money I spent was money I earned myself. I've been paying my bills since I was 17. Phone bill, internet, etc. And that was with a $6.75/hour job at KFC. I never had to buy food, on the upside lol!

Now that I'm older, it's a little harder. The things I want are more expensive. I'm out of a job right now and no one in my area is hiring, so things are a little hard. Scratch that, they're extremely hard right now. In fact, right now, I feel like screaming my fuckin head off.

Married. Broke. In debt.

Not exactly the glamorous newlywed year you expect. Or plan out in your dreams. I'm sure no one wakes up thinking "oh man when I get married, I want to be broke and in debt!" but who am I to blame for this? But myself? The wedding did play a pretty big part in this. In fact, had there been no wedding I probably wouldnt had struck out my last remaining credit card. But life never turns out the way you want. Everything you do is a crossroad, is a stepping stone and is a fork in the road. Its just harder to know you're making the right decision when you dont know the outcome of the situation in front of you.

My husband says he may not re-enlist. And this worries me, it worries me because I dont see how we'll survive if one of us doesnt enlist. It worries me because I know if he's not in something solid, hes likely to slack off and sit around all day playing video games instead of doing something productive. And it also worries me because I'll be enlisting.

Military is something I had planned on doing after I graduated high school. And a huge part of me wishes I had just gone and dove right into it after high school. Maybe I would had skipped OCD, nervous breakdowns and debt. Maybe I wouldnt had passed Boot Camp and spent my whole life feeling sorry for myself. I want to enlist. I think if I make it through Basic, I'll come out so much more prouder of myself. I'll know I can get through anything. I know it will benefit me psychologically. I know it will be a wonderful experience and I know I'll feel proud of myself. Of my life. And I can sit here, and imagine how wonderful that would be. To feel that way. But being at the starting line, I cant help but be... scared. Scared because no matter what my friends who have been through Basic or my husband, their words can be helpful, but nothing can really prepare me for what is to come when I get there. I know I'll be extremely homesick. I know I'll miss my bed, my room, the carpet on my floor, my car that I hate, my dog, my cat, my hamster... I know I'll miss my husband, picking up the phone and calling him for no reason, I'll miss blogger and checking my email and listening to itunes. I'll miss being up-to-date with Wicked or Glee or the newest MAC collection.

And it makes me think I cant do it. There's no way I can do it. Not to mention the physical part. The PT tests. I cant run, at all. I can do push ups but I cant run. There's a chance I might have asthma, and it would crush me to find out if I do.

I'm sorry if this entry doesnt make sense. But I just had to talk. I dont feel any better, but at least I got some of it out.

And the entry was totally drifting away from the title, sorry about that.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I take that back...

I thought it was almost Spring...!

The weather has been really cold and icky lately. It storms like crazy in the morning. I saw flashes of lightning on the freeway yesterday (finally! I'm a huge fan of lightning, I've been waiting for a year and a half for lightning around here) and now we're getting tornado warnings... in California?! Earthquakes sure, that's nothing new but TORNADOS?!

Is it bad that if I were caught in a tornado I would totally be looking forward to landing in the wonderful world of Oz? Maybe I can tell the Wizard he isnt wonderful and I can tell Glinda it's okay that Fiyero ran off with Elphaba and her travel bubble is awesome and that the Tinman is my hero? Okay maybe those were more of Wicked refrences, but still.


School starts this week but my classes dont start til next week. I'm hoping it doesnt still storm next week. Finding parking the first week of school is hard enough without a storm distracting you.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Its almost SPRING!

Normally, I'm a winter person. I love winter. But this last winter, I've came to realize... I hate winter! Maybe not hate, hate may be too harsh of a word. But I realized I dont love it as much as I use to. And that's kinda depressing to find out lol.

Lately the nights have been freezing cold but the mornings have been warm. Spring warm, and its just such a nice and refreshing feeling! Spring always makes the air smell happier and cleaner, there's pink & red everywhere because Valentines Day is just right around the corner and the sun is out! I dont know, maybe its just me lol.

I know I've been MIA from this blog, I've been trying to get back into blogging. Really, I have! But I just never really know what to say. I think I've taken up way too many projects than I can handle. Not only that but looking for a job and not getting the classes I wanted this semester (seriously, it was up for like 10 hours and all the classes I wanted fill up! this is insane!) and that bet I made with Martin about getting my room clean by the end of January... its just... blah. I just want to sit here, and do nothing for a week!

We finally cleaned out our safe that we've had for years (and havent touched). I found a bath bomb from grad night in there. Would it still be safe to use a 6 year old bath bomb? I found our bank statements and bills from 2004. Letters we wrote to each other, my first 3.3 Digital Camera, pay stubs from old jobs.... goodness, there was just all sorts of things in there! But now its nice and cleaned out and all of our new stuff is in there. I'm planning on putting the letters we sent each other while he was in basic in there too.

Speaking of, being married still doesnt feel any different. We still dont live together (and I dont see it happening any time soon thanks to debt) so that might be a huge reason why. I just sent in the request for our marriage license like literally, yesterday. I havent changed my last name yet, and I'm really not looking forward to all the paper work and phone calls that need to be made in order to do that. But things have been good. I wanted a new phone the other day (we're switching providers) and he put his foot down and said no. Grrr, I was literally heartbroken! I want that phone!

I'm itching to learn how to make layouts for WordPress, but it's so hard to figure out. I cant even edit a simple template without ruining the whole thing. I'm hoping to get something going soon. I use to be so good at learning this stuff!

Oh! I finally got my moleskine's! I'm thinking of turning one into a scrapbook type of thing, I dont know what to do with the other one though... any idea's?

Sunday, January 3, 2010

A piece of me in: January 10'

I like:
  • That the wedding chaos is finally over!!!
  • That I had a wonderful holiday this year
  • That I got married!

I dont like:
  • Being in debt thanks to said wedding lol
  • That I have Jury Duty for the first time ever this month (wth is Jury Duty anyway)
  • Winter. Thought I'd never say it but this cold is just too much for me!

I want you to know:
  • I am SO glad to had met such wonderful people on blogger and youtube this passed year. It's been such a great experience! You're all wonderful!
  • That I plan to update as frequently as I can! Since I havent been hauling, my beauty blog wont be updated as much as it use to be, but I have some changes in mind that I'm excited about!

I've planned:
  • To continue to make jewelry, no matter how discouraged I get!
  • To fulfill majority of my New Years resolutions (the ones I'm certain on)
  • To go back to work (even though I really really really dont want to)
  • Set a day a week to update if I should be unable to update frequently
  • To sell A BUNCH of my makeup that I have not used or even touched!

I want to say to someone special:

I wish we'd keep in touch more, ever since you got married you've been ignoring me and that sucks. Its odd we're not keeping in touch and I cant help but wonder why.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Goodbye 2009!

Another year has flown passed me and it still freaks me out how fast time is flying. 2009 wasnt bad but it wasnt great either. But it has been the best in the last few years :)

The friends I hung out with in 2008 were pretty non existent in 2009. Martin and I didnt have one huge fight in 2009 :) we've been doing great and that's a pretty good accomplishment lol. I started my paid blogging and I was rejected and accepted by lots of companies. I hit over 100 subscribers on youtube. I made a bunch of really really great friends over youtube and blogger. I got to go to Disneyland for my birthday (even though I missed Blue Bayou thanks to a stupid migraine). I discovered Wicked (and got to see it twice). I networked with my favorite makeup company through Twitter. I found a friendship with my favorite Wicked musical actor. I got to see the 70th anniversary of Wizard of Oz in theaters. I got my first CT Scan, which was gross and scary but something I had to do. My best friend became my fiance. I got a taste of the military spouse life and let me tell you... it wasnt so sweet. But I think it did amazing things to our relationship and it was an incredible experience for both of us. I got a nice reality slap of how much he really does care about me. I discovered how amazing and caring my sister is even if she was a total pain when she was younger. I planned an ENTIRE wedding in two months, I think that's a huge accomplishment in itself! I discovered Glee! I became more of myself (meaning I spent more money on books and less money on makeup). I realized that my parents arent always against me and how much they care. My mom bought me a hamster (which is so odd since she gets mad when I bring home hamsters, but since Martin was gone I guess she figured I needed the company which I am so thankful for). My dad insisted on helping me pay for my wedding :). I watched more movies this year than I did any other year. I had the best Christmas ever! I GOT MARRIED to my bestest friend. I fulfilled my 8 year dream of eating at Serendipity. I got to see Las Vegas during the holidays. I got to see my amazing cousin for two days straight :). I got to spend New Years Eve with my husband who helped me put together my traditional 12 round fruits, jump up and down with coins and gave me the most loving kiss at midnight.

Not much con's of 2009 are coming to mind, that's pretty amazing. Besides not having a job all year (by choice, so that's not really a con), getting more in debt and not being able to clean out my room... I have nothing bad to say about 2009. For the most part, I've been happy this passed year. What more could you ask for?

I dont really have any resolutions for this year, at least nothing huge and big. The usual...

- Eat at 5 new restaurants
- Disneyland for our honeymoon!
- Get rid of half of my debt
- Learn how to use my camera right
- Learn WordPress/CSS
- Listen to more music!
- Study Wicca
- Prepare to enlist into the USAF

And of course, to be a good wife. I am so lucky to have an amazing best friend and husband by my side. Who's never given up on me no matter how stubborn, bratty, grumpy I am and no matter how much I dont listen. He never gets mad at me, he never blames me, he never screams at me. I wish I could be as good to him as he is to me (which is so hard because I'm super selfish, grr). I still cant believe I GOT MARRIED! I still cant believe that I'm a WIFE. I'm not his girlfriend anymore, I'm his WIFE. Nothing has changed, it doesnt feel different at all... but just knowing the title changed and I added one more ring to my finger is just... still hard to believe. I dont think it's fully hit the both of us yet.

Things with the military didnt work out, right now. And it is kinda odd that we're married but suddenly we're unprepared... but its not like we woke up one day and said "hey, lets go get married" or anything. And though maybe the timing wasnt right, I dont think I'll ever regret it. I'm married to someone I knew I would eventually marry and to someone I couldnt see my life without. So we're married. So we're not moving out for awhile, so what? We're happy, and that's all that should really matter.

The Airforce should watch out, we're both going to get its ass good next time :).

The lazy newly married couple

To my husband, thank you for loving me this passed year (and all the other years before, but hey lets focus on the 2009 part, k?). Thank you for your never ending support. Thank you for jumping at every chance you could get with helping me with my blogger or recording/editing my videos or with my OCD. I'm proud of you for leaving me for the military, even though it didnt work out (and you're not a failure, you're still my airman) words cant express how proud I am of you! How proud I'll always be of you. How happy I was when you came home! Thank you for being so caring and loving in everything you do, in every situation between us you handle. For not being mad that I dont know EXACTLY how your favorite video game characters look and for keeping me grounded. For understanding me when I dont even understand myself, for kissing away the worries and rubbing the stress away from my forehead. For helping me wash dishes and make the night easier on my parents last night. Thank you for never letting go of my hand, even during the times I try to shake you off the hardest. For being excited over silly things with me. For knowing how important Serendipity is to me. For encouraging me to push my limits and to be better than I was yesterday. I owe my life to you, you didnt have to save me 6 years ago and you didnt have to KEEP saving me 6 years later. But I thank you. I thank you so much. You have no idea how much you mean to me and how thankful I am for you.

I love you best friend. I've always loved you. I will always continue to love you. I'm so happy to be your wife. I'm yours forever. I hope you're ready for a lifetime of crazy OCD-ness! That's all I got, everything else (compulsive shopping, hoarding, doubting myself) you already got under control :).