Friday, August 28, 2009

Friday Five!

Yay!!! I remembered! =D

1. How’s your tolerance for alcohol?
Not sure, higher than I remember since it takes more than one Smirnoff to get me buzzed anymore. I stopped drinking a lonnng time ago though. I think the last time I drank was Aug 7th 08'.

2. How’s your tolerance for noisy neighbors?
Not sure, I've never really had noisy neighbors.

3. How’s your tolerance for physical pain?
Extremely low. I hate physical pain. I'm such a pussy when it come sto physical pain (I think I'd pass out from pain if I were ever in labor. Seriously).

4. How’s your tolerance for intolerant people?

5. How’s your tolerance for bad music?
Very very low. I dont listen to the radio much anymore actually.

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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Ace, State Fair annnd..... the talk.

First of all, today's my dad's birthday!! I made him a key chain but I was in such a hurry since I came home late last night from the CA State Fair that I didnt get a chance to take pictures (or put the last biocone on it, darn).

So yeah, yesterday was the State Fair! We look forward to this every year and sadly, this is our last CA State Fair. We start off the day at Arden Mall (OMG I was so excited they had my Ruby Thai place there!!) and we got a Build-A-Bear! We were due, we get one every other year I think. We have really weird traditions that happen on accident. I really wanted the Autumn bear after Barbz had mentioned it. So, that's what we got. I dont think I'm gonna post every picture from the State Fair. I didnt get to splurge on yummy fair food because they didnt have a big selection this year (I wanted the deep fried smores, but that's not extreme or fun!) and because my stomach hasnt liked anything I've been eating lately. We also got there later than usual and didnt have time to do everything we wanted =(. I did get a chance to practice my photography, I dont know where my shutter speed option is so... that really sucks lol.

Here's Ace, naked.

Yay!! All dressed up in his uniform!

A pin we got from the USAF table at the fair.

I picked out the bear, and Martin dressed him and named him. "See, now you'll remember exactly
when I left" lol. Fall has a whole new meaning now, doesnt it? I love Fall, Fall reminds me of Martin. And this is the first Fall I'll have in the last six years without him. And he's gonna be gone for our first date anniversary! I know, its silly I celebrate that right? But hey it was an epic turning point in my life. Seriously.

So, The Talk. I was doing my laundry this morning, you know. Minding my own business... and my mom goes "so... are you guys getting married" I shrugged and try to play it off. But I'm horrible at lying! I use to be so good at it! Now I feel so guilty! My former best friend told me it was a shitty trait. Being honest. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I dont. Depends I guess. Anyway, I ended up telling her our plans and she said the same thing as Martin "for now you can just sign papers at a court house" NO MOTHER, I CANT. Argh! I told her if I'm gonna be rushed into it, I'll be rushed into it with at least SOME class. I want it to be at least a little special. But she's happy, actually she looked excited. She was like "we just want someone who will take care of you and Martin has". It meant a lot to me that she said that. I told her I felt too young to get married and she laughed at me! My mom laughed at me! Her reply was "well, you guys have been together for a long time". How is this funny mother?! It almost felt like she was saying "okay, you can go off and play" type of thing. They know we're never apart. And I'm sure my parents can tell how hard I'm going to take him being gone. I'm sure they're preparing themselves for this. My mom finds me predictable, its probably because she's my mother. But I'm happy she does. I told her I didnt want to leave home and she kept telling me it was okay. Everything will be fine. And she promised to watch my kitty and puppers while I'm gone. Well, they're the family pets but you know, I spend a lot of time with them. It was an awkward talk, but I'm glad she's happy for me. I told her Martin still wanted her permission and she kept saying "we're okay with it" and I was like "hes asking anyway!"

This is just.... awkward lol.

Sunday, August 23, 2009


So for fall, I had a few things in mind and I was really excited about it because as I've mentioned a million times, I'm hardly creative so when I think of something, I get really excited. Fall happens to be my favorite season so I knew I was going to make something fall themed but I had a hard time thinking of what. I recently bought the leaf pendant from Michael's to compare it with the one from a bead store and since I had it, I tried of something to pair it with and figure I can make it for my fall project. So I bought the crystals I wanted to pair it with but...

Today DSK released something exactly what I had in mind and I got really sad, to be honest because now I cant release it since she already released hers and I dont want her to think I copied her.

I was telling my boyfriend about it and he hates when I find something I like doing and suddenly I quit. I'm big on quitting things before I start, so when I actually start, he wants me to keep going cause its hard for me to keep going. I get discouraged extremely easily (which is why I took up jewelry making, not only is it super challenging for me but its gonna be an even bigger challenge not to quit). And he was asking me not to quit and telling me I'm doing good and he wants me to keep making jewelry.

Which is really sweet cause I know how much he HATES coming with me to bead store after bead store after bead store after bead store day after day after day. And I know its a struggle for him to be patient while I spend hours in bead stores trying to find something I like because I know for him being there is boring. And for him to say he doesnt want me to quit means so much to me. So for him, I wont quit. I'll just have to think of something else. Fall isnt leaving any time soon, I still have time...

* * * * *

The place we bought my ring from came across some problems. Because of the diamonds on my ring, its actually going to take 62 days for them to resize it to my size (3). So it wont be done til the end of October. Martin's leaving in a few weeks, meaning, when I get my ring, he wont be here. So I had to turn in my ring model they gave me and they're going to size that one down as low as they can and put a ring guard in it to make it even smaller (hopefully they get it down enough to actually fit me, please!) and that will take 10 business days. So we'll have that ring by September and when they're done with my ring, I'll have to go in and trade it. Damn you diamonds, you're making this whole process that much harder!! However, I do love my ring and he does too, and when you guys see it, I'm sure you'll agree its worth the wait. *cough* Mae please come with me to pick it up!! And my dress too?? Pleaseeee!! *cough*.

I hate how everything is being rushed through. It doesnt feel like there's enough time to get everything done, I knew there would be set backs... there's always set backs especially since everything of mine is so tiny to the point where everything has to be special ordered. That's no surprise. I'm 5'1 and 85/90 pounds (depends on if I'm having a good week or not, I dont have a solid weight). So of course there will be set backs.

There's also a bunch of other set backs I dont really wanna mention cause its just gonna stress me out more. Grrr. I'ma go play some FarmVille on Facebook, I'm totally addicted to that game lol!

Friday, August 21, 2009


Took the boyfriend running by a pier today. He's been complaining about it since he's leaving for basic soon and out of shape. So we headed over there an he had me jog with him. I'm horrible when it comes to running! We walked down then jogged back and stopped for a break in the middle. Looking back, the jog didnt seem THAT long, but it was about a mile and a half. I was super tired after that. He drove to this bead store I was thinking of checking out, and I was rather disappointed with it. Everything was SUPER high priced (a 6MM biocone for .50 each?!) there was a really nice chain I wanted but it was $19.50/foot! Hells no! Ugh. After that we went to David's Bridal to check out some dresses I picked out and one of the ones I picked out was PERFECT. I'm super excited, I'm gonna order it as soon as I get the "okay" from the parents! We found the ring, the dress... now we just need to tell my parents... ehhh.

Man, I miss this fatigue feeling! It reminds me of starting Cardio Kickboxing! I'd always come home and take naps from being so sore/tired. Its a great feeling. I should go jogging more often! Haha. The only thing I dont like about it is, you know how when you're super tired you get sad/mad faster haha. Yeah... I ordered the wrong size beads... again. And they came in today. I was wondering why they were smaller and I looked at my invoice and I guess I ordered EVERYTHING in 4MM instead of 6MM. UGH! So now, I dont know what to do cause I cant work on the projects I've been waiting to do! Grrr this is the 2nd time I've done this. So yeah, pretty bummed about that.

Kinda random but... do you guys bugs on your window sill (is that what its called)? I get a lot of baby spiders and baby silverfish. It drives me NUTS. I end up spraying them with body spray but sometimes they dont die and they play dead and run off. And I have to find them again and I end up soaking them with body spray til they curl up. I should just Raid them but I dont want to waste my Raid. I really need to vacuum my window area soon, its driving me nuts. I never ever ever open my window cause the last time I did, I saw a HUGE spider slip in and out of my room through my window and I havent opened it since so when you pull up my blinds hella webs end up flying out (from being broken) that too, is gross. Damn OCD, you make everything 10x worse lol.

So much for a good day.

So yesterday was suppose to be a good day! I got my Gossip Girl season 2, I got the stuff I wanted from the MAC Makeup Artist Collection, I got to go to Joann's again... and we went engagement ring shopping (again, I feel like I'm too young to be doing this).

But! I was at a stop light where you can turn right or go straight and I had stopped because of the crosswalk, well someone came up behind me. They crashed into my bumper, scraped the left side of my car and DROVE OFF. Yes, DROVE OFF! The guy was well aware that he hit my car and sped off anyway!! My boyfriend was PISSED. He copied down the guys license plate number, wrote down the time, description of the guy and the type of car. I went to look at the damage and I thought it was just a few small scratches on my bumper until my boyfriend looked on the left side and saw a gap between the side of my car and the tire part. UGH! I just got my car back from the last accident! Now I have to take it to the shop again and its gonna take who knows how long to get it fixed again and Martin leaves in less than six weeks!!! This is complete utter bullshit! Karma my ass, what did I do to deserve two accidents in the spam of three months. Seriously?!

I'm in such a bad mood, its not even funny. Martin's telling me to calm down, hes leaving soon and he doesnt want me to be sad/mad during his last few weeks here but man! I cant help it! Not only that but the ENTIRE day people were passing me up as soon as I turned on my blinker to switch lanes on the freeway all day long. Why do people do that? Seriously what difference does it make if someone who's 20 feet in front of you in the next lane over needs to get in front of you to take an exit? Why must you speed up and ruin their chance of taking the exit? HOW DOES THAT BENEFIT YOU? Why why why!!! Arghhhh!!!

On a happier note I did find a really pretty engagement ring (even if it is going to take four weeks to get here and Martin leaves in oh... I dont know... five?) however it just means now I have to marry Martin. Dating someone for 5 1/2 years and marrying them is something completely different and a huge part of me is probably going to say no as a first response. I'm sure he's expecting it. I hope he is lol!

I was more excited about going to Joann's to look at beads than I was to pick up my MAC stuff, how weird is that? My obsessions are switching, I feel it! That scares me.

My friend wanted my star chain as a bracelet by itself, I'm thinking of making one, it might turn out really cute. With a star toggle, we'll see.

Oh, another rant. I know this might sound childish but it really did hurt my feelings!! A few weeks ago I made an ELF social networking site (as you guys probably saw on the beauty blog) and ELF had re-tweeted it... three times. Well... a week after that... they released their own social networking site. Had they released this before re-tweeting mine, maybe I wouldnt be so butt hurt over something this silly, but they didnt. It felt like they got the idea from me, didnt give me credit and totally just tried to make mine seem worthless. Personally, it really hurt my feelings. To the point where I havent been on the ELF site since. And you guys know how big of an ELF fan I am! Am I being silly over this? Martin says I should email them and let them know it hurt my feelings, but I'm sure to them I'm just a disposable customer. I dont know, maybe I'll just let it go and shut down my social networking site. Or maybe I'll let them know. Its just bugging me and I dont think its that big of a deal to mope about. *shrug*.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


I've been home the last two days because my dad had to fix my car and I figured I could get some updating done.

Well, I kinda thought wrong.

Yesterday my mom was bugging me about how to register for her high school's site, even though the instructions are on the page. I dont get why parents think the internet is some epic space somewhere and you can just somehow break it. I taught myself how to use the internet, its not rocket science. I pay attention to the links, words and symbols! So it was hard getting something done when every five minutes my mom was knocking on my door saying "come check this, NOW" mom, I'm 24, you cant just demand me to check something. And when I tell her I'm busy she goes off saying "what are you doing that you're so busy you cant help me?!"

Did my parents forget my boyfriend's leaving for basic in less than six weeks? Or that I'm in charge of the bills and I obviously have to set up a bunch of shit, verify a bunch of shit, renew a bunch of shit and fix a bunch of shit before he leaves? Right, because I'm never busy. Right? It just frustrates me. Again, I'm 24, I have a life, I have responsibilities. But, whatever.

Last night I was writing a blog, a rather epic blog. Then my dad calls. To tell me that there's food on the table, even though he clearly just saw me get dinner. My "zone" was gone. I scrapped the blog. So much for that thought. Dont you hate that? When you're in this zone and someone just goes and ruins it? I'm going to start blogging in my car, I shit you not.

Oh then my former best friend who went from being awesome to the biggest douchebag I ever met since he got back with his ex girlfriend was being as always, a douchebag. I posted a link of Bow Wow's song "Regret" on my Facebook profile, and he leaves a comment talking about how Bow Wow "is a hoover and blows like the wind" wtf does that mean, I'm not entirely sure. So I reply saying "Again, keep the hate to yourself. Kthx." and he replies with "uh no. and you're the last person to tell me to keep the hate to myself. how've you been?" FUCK YOURSELF. Its MY profile, I can post whatever the fuck I want and I'm so damn tired of him saying something fuckin retarded about everything he knows I'm a fan of. I dont go on his page and tell him how stupid he is since all he does is drink even if I do think its stupid. If you dont like something either 1) dont respond or 2) get the fuck off my page! Arghhhhhh.

Man, I feel so much better now. Okay seriously, on to happier things.

So like I said, Martin's leaving in less than six weeks, and I'm not sure if its enough time to do everything we want to do, I mean... it is, as far as places we want to go/things we want to see (you never know just how much there is to do in your area until you're forced to leave it, kinda weird, right?) but the bigger thing is, he's planning to ask my parents for permission to marry me. And I know he probably doesnt have to since we've been together for five years and they know he's always willing to take care of me and that he always does take care of me. Them opening the door at 7AM with my boyfriend standing there while I'm still asleep sick isnt something new to them (keep in mind, he has to walk for an hour to get to my house since he has no car). They're always happy to see him (and so are my dog and cat), they make his favorite food when he comes over, and they dont trust me to go out unless hes with me. Oh and my favorite -- they tell him to get me to sleep early/drink water/go set an appointment/etc. But its cute that he still wants to ask for their permission. I told him I wasnt going to be in the room for that, I know they wont be mad. But I think I'd be more worried if they were happy. I still think I'm wayy too young to get married, even if I am 24. Our whole relationship I've looked for my future ring, but I decided I want him to surprise me. He surprised me with my first engagement ring (we were 19 at the time, does that still count? But I mean he did get down on one knee in front of EVERYONE at Disneyland... but still!) and I want him to surprise me with this one. But hes taking too long to choose one! LOL! I'm so impatient!

With that said, if everything goes to plan, I'd have to move sometime early next year when he gets his first base. So I did a makeup sale for things I barely used... and that's not even all of it! I cant carry all my makeup with me and I dont really plan to. So I'm gonna get rid of most of it.

I dont know if anyone else has this problem, but Firefox has been freezing/lagging/crashing (mid blog too) on me a lot. Like, at least twice everyday. And I'm just so sick of it. I use IE sometimes, but not for a long period of time. Martin suggested using Google Chrome. I'm hesitant to download browsers I've never heard of, but I figure... its google it cant be that harmful to my computer! So far, its pretty good. It's fast and smooth. But its ugly!!! Haha. But whatever gets me to blog without being crashed on I suppose lol.

So the title, Crystals.

I've been visiting all these different bead stores in the Bay Area. Like I'm seriously going swarovski crystal crazy! I cant help it, they're so... pretty! Been doing some requests for my friends. A friend of mine requested something and all she said was "black" haha. It was fun running around the store looking for something that'd look good together. And it was even nicer that Martin was helping me the whole time. I love when he gets into what I'm doing, the only thing is hes like a total kid in bead stores he touches everything. He plays with everything. I'm constantly having to tell him to put something down lol. I have a huge order from a bead site coming in hopefully soon, so I can get started on some stuff I have in mind for fall. I just have no idea how to get people to notice my stuff or how to start selling it. Then again I'm always in that mind set that my stuff isnt that good anyway. Especially anything artsy I do. And I really need to stop thinking that, some of my stuff (graphics and crafts) are decent. 1 out of 100 are really good. Its just... hard (thats a whole different entry on its own).

I think I got everything bugging me off my mind. Now I can get to work.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

You stand watching.

I will never leave this part of you, again.

SPiNNiNG: With You Gone by Ryan Cabrera.

Ryan Cabrera reminds me falling asleep on the ferry on late Fall afternoons on the way home from a long day in culinary school. It reminds me of 4AM mornings with Starbucks and chocolate covered donut hole piles, getting dressed in the hallway in front of class room. Of catching the F from Powell to Embarcadero. Of my favorite part of the day -- browsing Miette while waiting for the ferry after school. Of walking up and down hills. Of "hello chef" from the same homeless person I saw on my way to the muni everyday.

Of walking to the bathroom in the middle of cakes class to see my boyfriend sleeping on the bench in the hallway. Stealing a kiss from him before running into the bathroom. And stealing another kiss before running back to class. Of coming home after a tiring day to my boyfriend waiting for me in the garage after walking to my house to get there when I do.

Of the many accomplishments I had in baking and never baking a day in my life. Of being stuck "in the zone" of something I was passionate about and loving every single tired waking moment of it. Of knife accidents, cuts, burns, exploding cakes, water that was way too hot.

Early mornings, late afternoons. Accomplishments. Knocking out on the ferry. Starbucks employee's who knew what I wanted and charged me before I could say a word. My choco covered donuts (which I never found after being in CCA -- 4 years ago, I still crave them!). Sugar, flour, lemon zest... I miss you. I miss that experience. I miss how happy I was (before it was ruined). I'm glad something as simple as a song can take me back to it. I'll never forget it.

Thank you for waking up early with me, for sitting outside my class room for 8 long hours for me, for all your support. I know you STILL think it was the most random choice of my life, but thank you, for believing in me then and now, even though I havent baked in years. One day, you still owe me a kitchenaid =).

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Hey guys!

Oh my gosh! Every time I sit down and get ready to write a blog or a review on the beauty blog, something comes up and I have to leave the computer/house! That and its just been so hot here (and I dont have AC at my house) that its just ughh. I have to go out to somewhere that has AC! Even if its just sitting in my car outside! Haha. I know, what a total waste of gas!

My boyfriend's birthday went nice and smooth! He was surprised at all his birthday surprises! I made him a birthday omlette (basically copied what he put in my first birthday breakfast he made me five years ago) and keep in mind, this is the first time I actually really tried to make one and it came out great! Coulda used more salt, but came out great! I was so happy and surprised! I'm glad he liked it! Thanks to my mama and daddy for helping me put together the surprise!! Then we spent some time at Nickle City and played a ton of games then headed to the outlets in Gilroy! OMG, biggest outlets I've ever seen! We had a ton of fun just walking around talking. The CCO was okay. Not as big as I thought it would be... but I did find MAC Rollickin Paint Pot!!! I've been tracking this down for months! Martin was excited I found it too, I've been talking about it forever! I also got a MAC pigment that I wanted a few days prior. Its discounted, so why not. Then headed back to my house and cooked dinner together and ate while watching Mansers. Then he fell asleep. Awww. Sleepy birthday boo!!

The next day I surprised him without telling him where we were going. The GPS saying "now arriving at Jelly Belly Candy Factory, on left" ruined it though! Grrrr!!! But he was pretty excited, hes never been there and he enjoyed the tour, I'm sad there was no production on the weekends, I didnt know! I'm glad he still had fun! We bought a crap load of Jelly Belly beans too! Then the next day, his mom made birthday dinner. Yum. I love her lasagna! We watch Coraline (which was kinda creepy) and Hook (my childhood favorite)!!! Sang happy birthday (and he insisted I sit next to him) and ate cake and ice cream! I'm glad he liked his birthday weekend! All for you boo!

I updated my crafting blog! Finally! And made a vlog here. So check both of those out! I'm gonna be doing a giveaway soon! And a blog sale as well. I need to get rid of all this makeup I've never touched! I've been on the search for supplies for my crafts and trying to figure out how to wire wrap... it looks extremely hard. I'm working on something "For Audrey" because of course, my besties name is Audrey and it was her idea... so what better thing to name it, right?! Got a shipment of crystals coming in that I'm excited about.

On another note, here's a pic from yesterday!

Chillen at Borders reading bead magazines, New Moon, WordPress for Dummies & drinking samples cause that's how I roll! LOL.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Tag: 10th picture.

I was tagged by My-My! I'm always so lazy when it comes to tags lol!

* Open your first photo folder
* Scroll down to the 10th photo
* Post that photo and story on my blog
* Tag five {or more} friends to do the same

My boyfriend & Flixie napping.

Flixie... Flixie... oh how I miss him =(. This pic was taken 2/26/08, two days before he died. Flix was over two years old, for a hamster that's ancient! Their life span is about a year, so at this point he was an old old man. This was hell week for me, it was when he couldnt move his limbs any more (he had multiple strokes, from what it looked like), he was having a hard time breathing, he wasnt eating unless we fed him, he wasnt drinking unless we had the water bottle in front of him, he couldnt walk more than a few steps without getting tired and taking a nap. It was depressing. And I had the boyfriend come over everyday because I knew Flix was going to pass soon... and thankfully we were there when he passed.

Seeing this picture again actually made me sad. Even though he passed over a year ago, I still cant watch his video's without crying. I still cant read entries about him without crying. Looking at pictures has gotten easier, but its still hard to know he's gone. And now that Martin's leaving for the USAF, I dont know how I'm going to stay sane without Martin or Flix here.

Why am I so worked up over an itty bitty hamster? I've raised hamsters since I was 9. They have amazing personalities if you actually pay attention. Of all of my hamsters, Flix meant the most to me. He was my best friend, when OCD and Bi-Polar hit me hard in 2006, I would go nuts. I'd get upset and throw things around in my room and scream and he'd wake up, run up to his door and just look at me. And I knew I couldnt keep doing this, I couldnt keep letting it get to me like this when I had a baby I was scaring all the time. I had no friends back then, everything was just so hard... me and Martin were having problems and everything just felt like it was falling apart. It was the loneliest year I've ever experienced and I'd always come home to Flix and everything would be better. He was like a little dog too, I'd tell him he cant come out and play unless he drank water first and he'd always drink water. Its like he understood everything I was saying to him. I'd share my tortilla from my burritos from Taco Bell with him after work, I'd share my rice when I ate in my room... sounds crazy right? But I will never forget him. And even though he cant talk or anything, he helped me through so much.

I miss you fuzzybutt!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


Yesterday Martin left for MEPS, he said that the exams could take all day, so I'm waiting for his call. He texted me at 4:40AM-ish saying they were playing my favorite movie "Best Friends" where he was and from 5AM to 12PM I woke up every hour checking my phone to see if he texted me again, even though phones arent allowed at the exam. I'm curious, nervous and excited to know what job he picked and when he'll be leaving for basic. Though 30 hours away from each other really sucks and we're able to talk/text. How am I gonna go six weeks without hearing one word from him? How am I gonna go eight and a half weeks without seeing him? God! I sound like one of those super clingy dependent girlfriends who should really get an effen life. It's really grossing and disturbing me. I use to be so independent, but of course. That's gonna be left for another entry.

Dont you hate when you have this great, epic, perfect entry pieced together in your head and you go grab some lunch or take a quick shower and poof the epic great entry is... gone? I think sometimes I should jot down key points, topics, etc... but I mean would the entry still flow if I'm not in that mind set anymore?

Random fact: I had a "forever scab" growing up on my right leg. Well I got bored and picked it off a few days ago (for the first time in probably 10 years) and now its gone! Its not back yet and its kinda freaking me out =(.

I was suppose to hang out with my bestie yesterday but it didnt work out, is it bad that I was a little sad? Actually, I was really sad. It kinda reminded me of how alone I am without Martin and without Flix here any more, it makes me worry about my sanity when he leaves for basic. I'm sure I'll be fine, I mean, I dont have much of a choice... but it just sucks not having anyone to talk to or hang out with any more (again, another entry on another day). Am I really better off than all the popular kids who still have all their friends?

Martin mentioned leaving in January instead and I broke down and cried. He'll miss my birthday. I hate my birthday. The only reason why I celebrate it is because Martin forces me to. And I'll be turning 25 this year. I've been dreading turning 25. I'm suppose to have a degree by 25. I'm suppose to at least know where I'm going at 25. And I'm just disappointed in myself that I dont. I dont have anything. I have experience in a job that cant even land me a decent job at a bank but everyone else who doesnt have my experience get hired at banks all the time. I always joked with people saying if I'm not graduated by 25, I'm going to kill myself. It kinda wasnt a joke. I'm going be half way to 50. Its just a depressing age in general! And its not like I didnt try. I just suck when it comes to college. Seriously. Martin joining the AF makes me feel like I still have 4 years to fix it. Even though, I'll be 29 by then *sigh*. It just sucks that if hes not going to be here, I'm probably going to end up just sleeping the day away. I dont have anyone else to hang out with.

Speaking of, he has to pick 5 jobs and he picked his 3 computer jobs. And he told me he was considering taking mental health and I was like "that's what I would take if I was capable of joining the USAF" and he was like "I know, that's why I want to take it too. I want to know whats wrong with my baby too" that made me tear. He'd sit and read OCD self-help books with me everyday because I was too scared to go to therapy and he'd sit and read with me for hours trying to understand it too. Until I eventually ended up going to therapy and hes been to every single therapy appointment I've ever gone to. Every time its over hes there to give me a hug and ask me how it went. He also is considering taking something else, I dont remember the exact name but he mentioned that he'd be able to get a degree in hotel and restaurant management with it. Which was my first major. And he was like "I wanna learn how to cook and teach you too, I know you'd like that". And I was telling him not to pick just anything cause hes gonna be stuck with that job for 3 years, but he was telling me its things he'd like to get into. And it just made me cry. Does that make me sound lame? How did I end up so lucky?

I'm sorry this entry isnt too happy either. I think I'm just under the weather. I dont really know exactly why, I'm not too sad about him leaving soon. Unless its one of those subconscious things. Sorry I havent really been commenting on everyone's journal's. I've been reading them! I just... well you know. I'll stop saying sorry now.

Thanks for all your support girls. I really really do appreciate it.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


I'm light weight irritated and you know how when you're irritated everything starts going wrong? Yeah, I totally hate that.

My PC has been slowing down lately and so I re-installed Firefox (that and something corrupted my Firefox) and it didnt help. I de-fragged my PC and that helped for like, an hour and it started slowing down again. It's mostly my browser, like it'll pause or it'll just crash completely. Frequently. And it's irritated the crap out of me! I finally deleted my temp internet files and I'm hoping that will help.

UGH. Other than that, Martin had an appointment today and I'm suppose to be in bed in 15 minutes so we can wake up early tomorrow. I hate when I feel like I dont have time. But at least when he comes back tomorrow I can finally announce something! It's nothing too interesting.

This year I decided to make him breakfast for his birthday, and I havent cooked anything in over ten-ish years. I'm a baker! Not a cook! But I was planning on making him breakfast, and attempting to make an omlette, which I've never made and the last time I attempted one it was such an epic fail that it wasnt even funny. I didnt even giggle. And I giggle at everything. So I'm hoping I do well on Saturday. I was planning on practicing last Friday night but I got lazy. I know, damn wtf right? I know he'll think its cute I even tried, but I want it to be special! Reason why, coming tomorrow.

I hate being broke. I went to Michaels yesterday to pick up some crystals and necklace chain since I ran out and I ended up putting everything back cause I wouldnt have money for dinner or groceries. It made Martin sad cause I was sad, and I had a 40% off coupon and blah! I didnt mean to make him sad, its not his fault I'm in debt, its mine and as messed up and depressing as this is, its my reality slap. And I needed it. Besides, I dont need anything right now. It just sucks how when you're younger, everything is cheap and as you get older you want ipods instead of CD's. Or makeup instead of that new Barbie doll. You know?

I'm hoping to spend some time with my bestie today, but that might not happen. But I'm still hoping it will! Is it bad I'm a little annoyed I didnt get to read more of Time Travelers Wife today? Haha. I love and hate being sucked into books.

Sorry this entry is so depressing and stuff, I'm just in a really weird mood and sometimes you just gotta let it all out, right? Right. Right?