Saturday, May 30, 2009

Today wasnt interesting.

Today wasnt interesting. I woke up went to sleep at around 12:30AM this morning cause I was just so tired from forcing myself to wake up and I ended up waking up at 4AM to go pee, and ended up wide away for about an hour. Went back to bed and didnt get out of bed til noon. Totally what I was trying to avoid. Went pee again, and accidentally woke up my cat by opening my door since she was sleeping right next to my door. Sorry kitty!

Did laundry, updated my makeup blog and uploaded some videos. Oh and added some more reviews on yelp, pretty productive if you ask me! I didnt manage to take 15 minutes out of my day to read my book (cause I remembered then I forgot and now I just remembered again) and I didnt get to watch any tv shows (on itunes or DVD, as always) but I did mange to forget all about Facebook & Twitter which really didnt take much effort.

YESTERDAY however I was curious to see this Lush that's suppose to be in one of my favorite shopping centers that I swear wasnt there before! My boyfriend kept saying we passed it before but I think I woulda remembered! So we headed out there, had some California Pizza Kitchen for lunch, got our own pizza's. I got the BBQ Chicken and he got the BLT pizza which was amazingly delicious! It was like... having a BLT on flat bread. SO GOOD! Then we headed out to look for Lush, which was, in fact... there. BUT it wasnt where he thought it was so... I WIN! BOOYAH!

I got 2 soap samples =). Which was really sweet of the lady. I told her I wanted it cut down to $5, then changed my mind and wanted it cut down to $2, so she just gave it to me =). Got a sample of the Makeup Forever HD primer since I heard it was a good pore filler. Lets see about that! Went to Barns & Nobles real quick where he made up the "airplane". Martin makes up these weird things to do when I start getting grumpy to cheer me up. So he goes "lets go fly" and he picks me up and makes these engine sound effects and I'm giggling my ass off at this point and hes carry me around the store LOL. And he goes "please stay seated until the play comes to a complete stop!" so he puts me down and shakes me and makes these fucked up airplane landing sounds LOL!!! I totally felt better after that!

After that went to Wal Mart, we were both really sleepy at this point so we were acting all weird. I ended up getting 4 or 5 of my favorite $.88 tv dinners to prevent from coming back to Wal Mart so many times!! I also got 1 lunchables nachos, they didnt have the deluxe set, booooooo! I also got some ice cream bars and Valvetta with broccoli. They had ones with bacon (but it required a pot) that I hellaaa wanted. Martin knows I wont make it if I cant stick it in the microwave though so I didnt get to get it lol! NEXT TIME I WILL! That shit looked soo good. I'm a sucker for bacon and cheese! My favorite $.88 tv dinners are bacon and cheese on top of a meat patty. SO FUCKIN GOOD!

After that I convinced him to drive me to Target in Napa to look at some ELF stuff hehehe!! So he did. I got 2 things of 3 sets. One was a trio of eyeshadow creams, a trio of eye stuff (eyeliner, mascara and something else) and I got a pressed powder cause I was gonna order it but I took it out of my shopping cart. They dont have much to choose from, but at least if I need a back of the $1 stuff I can just go to Napa for it instead of waiting a few weeks for shipping. Too bad they dont have any brushes though!

After that, went home!

Oh and taught my mom how to log in and out of email, what a search bar was, what google was, and how to get on youtube. Filipino's and their youtube! She looked intruiged but confused at the same time lol.

I'm debating on if I should be a MARK rep.. =\

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I forgot how delicious Capri Sun was...

Today was a good day! I was planning on waking up at 10AM and ended up forcing myself up before it hit 12PM. It's been so hard to get up the morning lately. Its kinda like what my friend says "no job makes you lazy, stay busy!!" its so true. When you're idle all the time, you get lazy! Back when I worked all the time, I was never lazy! I didnt have time to be lazy! I kinda miss that. Now I'm always tired, it sucks! Such a waste of time!

Anyway, was about to leave the house but remembered that I forgot Martin's stuff, so I went to grab it real quick and asked my mom for some money cause I wanted to go shopping. She was like "what are you gonna buy?" I didnt wanna say make up so I said clothes and she made a face lol. There was no good reason! Hahaha. She had a cute outfit she was wearing today though!

Went to get Martin and went to get gas. Then headed to the mall! Had lunch at this Korean BBQ place, I orginally had planned to get lunch there and he could get Subway next door, but he decided he wanted to share a bento box with me. So we got one =). It was good! Not as good as my favorite sushi place, but it was pretty damn good. And 10 Gyoza's for $5? How can you beat that?!

After lunch we went to go walk for a bit, spent some time at Borders. I got the Wonderful Wizard of Oz comic book for this month! I guess I didnt get it, and I almost missed it! That woulda been a bummer. I have all of them except for the first one. Lame haha. Went to Macy's, Martin was asking if I had to pee yet. I always have to pee after I eat and I kept saying no, but he was walking me to Macy's anyway lol, how cute. Went to Benefit to return some stuff and he decided to just go to the gym.

I returned my eyeshadow's from Benefit (I forgot my brush from BE that I wanted to return at home, darn!) and got it on a gift card. Headed over to MAC, then I had to use the bathroom LOL. I got some stuff from the MAC stand using my gift cards then went to the MAC store. The girl working was like "are you doing okay? You probably dont need any help, I know you come in here all the time, but I thought I should just ask" haha how cute!! I love that the workers at MAC remember me =). It kinda makes me feel special. I ended up getting a paint pot, I've been on a crazy paint pot spree lately. They didnt have any green pigments which were kinda a bummer cause I saw some at another MAC, and I wanted to pick one up, but my MAC doesnt have them! Oh, and I was surprised to see that the Style Warriors came out already! It's suppose to be out tomorrow, how weird. Nothing caught my eye.

Martin was done with the gym so we went to Fry's, I was looking for a laptop for my mom since she's been asking for one. And I found one with 4GiGs of RAM & 320 GiG hard drive for $600. Which I thought was good, since its less than both my laptop and my desktop and it has more RAM. I only have 3GiGs of RAM on my desktop, my laptop only has 2. So I figure with 4, she wont have to upgrade any time soon. I also got her a cute blue wireless mouse, since her favorite color is blue. And I got myself a Cookies & Creme candy bar and Gamer Grub haha. It sounds good! I'ma have to take a picture and show it later.

Headed home and to Wal Mart. Spotted some people we didnt want to see... Picked up the Maybelline duo in Sea Glass which I had my eye on, forever! And my favorite $.88 frozen dinners, some brownies (Little Debbie!) and a Lunchables Nachos Deluxe pack. Oh Wal Mart, you make it so hard to hate you!! Delicious $.88 frozen dinners? You know I'll keep coming back for more!

Grabbed some dinner at Jack in the Box and went home.

Just finished setting up my mom's email address, gotta set up her laptop after its done charging. Just got done watching the 2nd episode of 90210, I'm hooked!!!

Its barely midnight and my eyes are heavy and I feel fuzzy, what's going on?!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Oh, weather changes. And WordPress.

My skin type is extremely dry. When the weather changes, it goes nuts. It starts itching and flaking and its just not cute and rather annoying!! I cant wear mineral or powder foundation (or any powder really on my face) because it not only irritates my skin but it emphasizes on the dry area's. I cant wear heavy amounts of make up on my cheeks either for the same reason. I do moisturize before bed and I did exfoliate up until my exfoliate expired. I should re-order a new one before Bath & Body Works discontinues it since it seems to be the only one that hasnt terribly dried out or irritated my skin. *sigh*. It just sucks to deal with this all the time! Then of course, by the middle of summer I'll be a huge shine ball. Oh skin, why must you hate me? It's not just my face either, it my hands too.

Oh another note...

I finally figured out how to install WordPress on to my main page, as you can see. I also figured out how to install the non easy one. So I now have full control over my WordPress. The only problem is, I'm extremely new to WordPress. And I know I cant just jump into it thinking that I know exactly what I'm doing if I've never sat down and had a nice can of Dr. Pepper with it! And yet, I expect just that to happen. I'm still trying to get use to all the things on the left side. All the nifty gadgets and plugins and widgets...

My biggest irritation right now though, is trying to figure out how to edit my template! I've looked at a bunch of other sites powered by WordPress to see how they did theirs, but I dont know if its a WordPress template or an actually layout. I hate how default-ish my page looks right now! Grrr. I'm also trying to figure out if it would be possible to create/edit my WordPress template in DreamWeaver.

I'm not a huge fan of DreamWeaver. I took a web design class in 2005, and it was so hard to understand... then again this is coming from someone who started when Notepad was the "DreamWeaver". So I guess I'm still stuck in that I'd-rather-edit-on-notepad phase. I'm having fun figuring all this out though. I forgot how fun and rewarding web and graphic design can be. I regret leaving it for five years. But hey, I'm back now and I'm gonna be better than I was before =).

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Yesterday was a good day =]

SPiNNiNG: Think Of You by Case <3.

I was in a blah mood yesterday. I kinda wanted to stay home but I kinda wanted to go out. And I kinda wanted to go to Target in the next city over cause they sell ELF there lol. I know, silly reason. But Martin wanted to go to Bay Street, and I figured why not. I wanted to try California Pizza Kitchen since all my friends keep talking about it. So we go over there and we get the BBQ Pizza and I get a cherry lemonade and OMGGG, the food was SO good. I wanted to get another one to go, but instead I got a hot fudge sundae. I know wtf. Went to B&N real quick but didnt end up looking at anything cause we wanted to go to Ranch 99 too.

So headed over to Ranch, walked around a bit. I got a little cute jar and those star papers. I was on a search for smellies (as my friend calls them) and OMG they were super over priced! I did get to test smell them though, so I have a nice little wish list for him next time he orders LOL. I got a King Mickey (from Kingdom Hearts) shirt and I got.... a Axel figurine!!! Martin had pointed out they had a series 3 out now, but it only showed Minnie, Jack Sparrow and Sora. I have Axel for series 2 (or was it Roxas, I cant remember) so I was bummed about that, but when I was about to pay for my shirt, I noticed they had a mini's for series 3 and AXEL was one of them. But it was one of those at random boxes. So me and the cashier were trying to guess which one was Axel. She said if I got Jack she'd let me pick another one cause she wanted Jack. So I opened my first box and it was Jack haha. So I had Martin pick my next box and IT WAS AXEL!!! I was so excited!! Hehe. Yayy!!

Went to the grocery store to get Egg Drop Soup but they dont sell it anymore =(. It was one of the best I've had (besides the one in the Philippines)! I did get a small thing of Chow Mein, 2 pot stickers and 1 shrimp dumpling but the lady gave me one for free =D. The Chow Mein was so good! And it was only $1.70, she packed it too lol.

After that we headed to Wal Mart back home. Picked up some groceries that came out to $11. And it was a crap load of stuff. Wal Mart makes it so hard for me to hate them.... arghhh!

Came home and worked on my layout some more, I love the way it turned out! I just gotta figure out the navigation today and the CSS and I'm done! Martin got his own domain yesterday too! I'm pretty excited to see how it'll turn out =).

I'm excited I hit 20 blogger followers and 29 youtube subscribers last night!! Yayyy!!! =)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Domain & layout troubles.

I finally got around to attempting to make my domain layout/banner today and I hated it! I hate when I make something & I hate it. It discourages me and I most likely give up. I know, not the best way to go about things, right? Then again I cant just expect to make something amazing if I havent even attempted to make a layout or banner for the last four years. I think I just expect too much out of myself.

::sigh:: back to the drawing board....

I've been obsessed with "I'll Forgive You" by Bobby Valentino && "Jai Ho!" by Pussycat Dolls (thanks to my bestie!). Seriously, only things I listen to. Oh and "Last Chance" by Ginuwine annnnd I found my favorite version of Mambo, Italiano. So that was pretty exciting. Dont you just hate when you love hard to find songs? It gets a bit frustrating at times.

I havent had much to blog about... life isnt to exciting these days...

I finally paid off my school fee's the other day. That I owed from last semester. I know. Walking away saying "fuck that I aint payin shit" probably isnt the best way to go LOL. So I went and paid that off & I signed up for summer school classes. I'm listed for the one I wanted and I'm wish listed on the other one I want... I know I should take some GE, but I'm too scared to, to be honest! I'm horrible when it comes to college. But I'm determined to make things right (dont I say that every semester? Hopefully I mean it this time...) even if it means asking Bernard for help/studying in his living room. I'm sure he wont mind!

Oh! The other day I gave in and I GOT WICKED TICKETS!!!!!!!!! I got the day, time and price I wanted! So I'm pretty excited about that!!

Downside of the week/end? A second credit card got its limit lowered. I was starting to think I did something wrong til Sammie sent me an article about how 1 in 6 american's are dealing with this problem (but it happened to me twice, wtf?!). So I'm not too worried about it. It just sucks they switched my limit in the middle of my billing cycle, so its "over". Even though I didnt receive this letter they speak of. Its funny how they can email you offers and coupons but they snail mail you the important shit like oh, I dont know... lowering your credit limit?! Gee, thanks.

Yesterday I gave in and ended up buying the Gossip Girl season finale. I told myself I was gonna watch Season 1 and watch Season 2 when it comes out and wait to watch the finale then, but everyone was talking about it so I just gave in and watched it. And I really liked it! Blair and Chuck are the hottest couple ever!

Screw Edward Cullen, I need me a Chuck Bass!!!

Me and the bestie were talking last night. And I was saying "I like when a guy does you wrong then runs back saying how much they need you and how sorry they are, then does it again and creates this endless heartbreaking cycle" and she was like "oh, you mean assholes?" and I was like "YES! I LOVE THAT!" hahahhaa. Its true, guys are attracted to bitches and girls are attracted to assholes! Maybe that's why I was so stuck on CJ (sorry CJ, but you know its true. You were a total asshole but its okay I still *heart* you LOL). Maybe the reason for me is different than everyone else. I dont take a lot of things seriously, and I dont know, I just love when they run back and admit how wrong they were and how they realize how important you are to them. Just the fucked up-ness of it all. Is hot haha. Plus nothings better than making up after breaking up. Right?! Sometimes I think I should still be going around making mistakes instead of being with one person for so long. But at the same time, I think I've done enough damage to my name lol. Besides, I would really miss Martin. Which kinda makes me gag to actually say that. I know, I know. We've been together for five years and I'm still super anti-relationship-ish. Crazy, I know.

Totally off subject, but I've been super addicted to ELF lately. Like, as soon as I got hooked on their Studio Brushes, I've been making orders from them like crazy! But then I always get those 50% off codes and stuff, so that might be why. They released a new collection, I forgot what its called... Sugar Kiss or something? I wish they'd add more things to their Studio Collection! I hope they do! I finally found the lipstick color I've been searching high and low for at MAC (it isnt the exact one since the one I had wasnt MAC, but it matches from what I remember) and I got a Paint Pot, just to see what its all about. I didnt get the one that I assumed I'd get, but its okay.

That's about all thats been goin on!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

San Jose with Sammie & Martin =].

Yesterday was Sammie's only free day so we drove out to South City to go pick her up and she had this huge pink Juicy Couture bag with her. She mentioned she was going to mail my gift some time last week but judging by how heavy it was, that woulda been a shit load of shipping!! Haha. So we headed out to Palo Alto to take her to Sprinkles. Made a quick stop to Sony Style and Sephora before heading to Sprinkles. I ended up getting Cinnamon Sugar, Red Velvet, Banana and Dark Chocolate Banana. We ate there, I had the Dark Chocolate Banana and babe had the Banana. OMG, I think I've found a new favorite! It was delicious. The frosting and banana went SO well together.... okay I think I'll save that for my food blog LOL.

Anyway, after that we headed to Valley Fair. Went to Bare Escentuals first and I got those eye make up remover q-tips ($5! I've been missing out!) finally!! I found them!! Thanks Sammie! Haha. And I also finally got my brush for my crease. Yay! We also got a free sample of Hydrating Mineral Veil. I'm excited to try it since my skin is always so dry. After that, we headed to the food court to get something to eat. Then to Nordstroms, then to Lush (and she gave me half of her Honey I Shrunk the Kids soap! Aww, how sweet!) then to MAC (didnt get anything, booo) and a few other stores... then to Sephora (didnt get anything there either... booo!) after Valley Fair I brought her to Pinkberry. Tried to find somewhere to have dinner and decided on Quickly's back in Daly City.

So we headed out to Daly City and walked over to Chase then to Avon (which was closed, darn) and stopped by this little Asian store and got some gummy choco's and some dried octopus legs, yum! Quicklys was pretty good, they had a large selection and their bento boxes were pretty good. And they had Udon! Haha. After that we dropped Sammie off and headed home. Me & Martin stayed up wayyy too late the night before so we were both really tired by the middle of the day LOL. Like, I was getting super sleepy. And it was hot, so I guess that didnt help either!

I got home and made a video of me opening my gift since Sammie wanted me to and OMGGGG. OMG! OMG OMG! Haha. She gave me so much stuff!!! I'll take pictures of everything and post it later, but OMG! I think my favorite part of it all was the note on the Serendipity napkin (the only free part haha, sorry chick!). It was sweet! But I did LOVE everything she gave me! OMG haha. My battery died before I got to the last part of the gift and of course, you cant remake opening a gift video! Haha. So its okay! I'll just post the last part in pictures. But aww, I feel so spoiled! Thanks Sammie!!!

I went to bed early last night cause my allergies were kicking my ass. I woke up feeling like shit still, ugh. My throat hurts, I'm all sniffly and its HOT!!! Having massive allergies with flu like symptoms and it being hot is never a good thing. Then again, I always get sick in the summer.

Today I plan to clean my room and fix up my web page, this project is so damn discouraging.

I need to figure out school stuff too, and I'm so scared I'm making the wrong choice all the time, dont you hate when that happens? *siiiigh*.

Friday, May 15, 2009

It's a wonderful life, isnt it?

I wish life was as simple as the quote I repeat to myself.

"Life's simple, you make choices and dont look back".

I wish it was that simple.

Life has hit a rather rough speed bump. Its not a horrible speed bump, but it does bother me. To the point where I broke down and cried the other night and called my bro Ralphie. I sitting there crying for a few minutes and the whole time he was like "what's wrong?" "whats goin on with you man" and I was like "one minute...its... a little hard to talk and cry" LOL. Had a wonderful 3 hour conversation with him (sayin wonderful and conversation makes me feel old lol) and I felt so much better when I got off the phone. Putting into consideration a few things he said, mostly about God and stuff. Which surprises me, considering I'm not religious.

Life is all about speed bumps. Its all about walls that try to prevent you from going where you need to go. And really its up to you to sit there and wait for the wall to move or for you to move that mothafucker yourself.

And normally I'm the person who wont hesitate to push you the fuck back. So it disappoints me that I'm sitting here, waiting for some knight in shining armor to help me. Just because I put on make up does not mean I'm some bubble headed damsel in distress.

In other news, my mom loved her gift. I wrote her a letter and she wrote me back =). My OCD's been acting up again, I'm tryin to get things under control because if I dont, that shit will spread like wildfire and I'm not down for that all over again. I did so well containing it last year and ugh, whatever. Pushing back. I love my mama.

Me: Mama, my OCD's getting worse again...
Mama: Is that why you're shopping a lot again? Aw, its okay. Just relax, take it one day at a time.

I her.

I need to stop texting people while I'm half asleep, seriously. Oh and Joey's been asking to go play DDR with him the last few days... hm. Odd.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Life & all of its wonderful struggles...

First of all, there's nothing I hate more than breaking down. And second of all I hate breaking down in front of other people. Seriously. Hate. It.

I had an insanely long conversation with my bro last night and I feel SO much better. I'm not... hm. I dont know how to word this. I grew up to believing in God and going to church and the day I decided to go to therapy for my OCD was the day I decided to stop believing in God. I mean it wasnt just a sudden choice, I thought it through for a couple months and when I had made the decision, I felt guilty about it for the longest time. I felt like, if I stopped believing in God, I was giving up the fact that I might never see my grandpa again. And I felt like I was basically saying "I'm willing to give up ever seeing you again to fix whats wrong with me". And to me, I felt like once I made the choice to change my religion, I can never come back. There are a million reasons why I didnt want to be Catholic anymore. One being that ever since I was little, the religion just never seem to fit me. If that makes sense. And because one of my most persistent OCD's was intrusive thoughts having to do with hell and the devil and all sorts of other weird ass shit. And sure enough, when I stopped believing in heaven and hell, the intrusive thoughts went away. The ones related to that anyway.

But my bro said something interesting yesterday. He said "Let go and let God" and at first I didnt really understand what that meant, until he explained it. And it made total sense to me. Life is an endless struggle, and its hard to take on life by yourself. And maybe God does answer our questions, and maybe it is up to us to listen for the answers. Of course its not going to be in big flashing neon lights. He's God, not the Genie.... and my name is Hazel, not Alaadin.

Anyway, those of you who know me, know how hell bent I am on being independent. At ALL times. Asking God for help wouldnt be something I'm willing to do. Like I said, life is a struggle and it IS hard to take on, by yourself. But I'm so determined to do just that. I cant really explain why, but I just know that's exactly what I want to do. And yes sometimes I sit around and think "damn, I could use some help" but I'll never ask for it. I went to church once, with Ralph and the pastor was talking about independence and I wish I could remember what he said, because that too, made total sense. But yet, there's always that voice in the back of my head telling me "no, dont trip, you got this!"

So I'm in the middle of probably the hardest challenges I've ever given myself. At first it sounded easy, totally can make it happen. But honestly, I've been super discouraged for the last month. I know I'm expecting too much out of myself and I need to realize that it's been five years since I've done shit like this, I cant just jump back on it like I wasnt gone for five years! Yet I still beat myself up about it. I know its not IMPOSSIBLE, but at the same time, I gotta slowly get back in it. Everything else will fall into place, if it works out, it works out. If it doesnt, it doesnt. Everything happens for a reason and everything in life is a learning lesson. I'm starting to lose sight of that, and I cant figure out why.

Success is my only mothafuckin option, failure's not.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Oh, life.

Yesterday was pretty relaxing. Started the day off with a kids meal from Panera Bread lol. And ended up going to Walnut Creek since it was so nice and sunny outside. Walked around downtown. I got a free Sephora insides gift of something I wanted a full size of. I also got some Mike & Ike Cotton Candy from World Market. I'm excited to try that out! Also snacked on some Clam Chowder, as usual. I was on my sidekick and I was like "why does my sidekick smell like mint...?" and sniffing it. Martin looked at me like I was stupid and he was like "its not your sidekick, its your wrists... babe" cause I had put on Origins On The Spot on my wrists (I have an addiction to that!) and so I smelled my wrist and I was like "oooh you're right! I keep forgetting. Its like a nice surprise every five minutes" hahah.

Then we realized that the bills still needed to be paid lol. So we headed back to Concord and paid the Verizon bill which was lower than last month, weird. Then paid Martin's Sprint bill and I got 2 pigment samples from MAC (Golden Lemon -- which I've been thinking about buying & Pink Bronze -- havent seen this one yet), the MA remembered me and brought be back to see their Style Warriors collection display. Oh! The colors!! I decided to skip this collection, but I cant wait to check it out in person when it comes out! I went back to PacSun to see if they had any more of my flannel's left, and they didnt. Bummer, so I went to Tilly's and got one of theirs instead. I was looking for a quarter sleeve type. Then we ended the day at Borders reading graphic design books =).

Today's suppose to be a busy day, I gotta get a bunch of stuff (I havent started) done. Video editing, picture editing, a bunch of cleaning... my OCD is kicking in major today though, cant seem to figure out why. Its such a pretty day, all I keep thinking about is how much I wanna be outside right now! But I do have to get some stuff done... plus I mean, there's always tomorrow!

I've been trying to get back into the habit of blogging more often but I always remember after it hits midnight lol. I blame Twitter and Facebook, its so addicting!

A friend of mine mentioned "Addicted" by Stevie Hoang. I cant stop playing it! I'm a sucker for songs like these, which probably isnt the best thing lol.

Is it just me or does anyone else get lazy right before you have to take the laundry out of the dryer? I always hate that part!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day.

Life has been hectic and emotional and stressful and ughhhh!!! Holidays this year are going to be a little different. And because of that, I worry about my mom. Even though I shouldnt worry too much about her, she's one of the strongest people I know. But still, I cant help it.

For Mother's Day this year, I wanted to get her something nice. And I noticed how out of date her makeup collection was so I bought her some new make up.

moms_haul copy

  • LA Colors palette
  • NYX Blushes
  • Flirt! Stippling brush
  • MAC quad (that I made myself)
  • ELF Translucent Matifying Powder (not pictured)
  • MAC Dubonnet lipstick (not pictured)
  • ELF eyeshadow brush (not pictured)

Martin actually picked out the LA Colors thing for her. I love how much he helps me all the time. He hates all this make up stuff, but he's always there to be my swatch board! Hehe. I also wrote my mom a letter. It was suppose to be a really short letter but it ended up being two pages long! My bad haha. And of course, like I do ALL the time. I waited til she fell asleep and put it in her room.

I woke up this morning with a huge letter back from my mom. I mean, of course, every time I write her a letter she writes me back. I brought this up with my bestie and she was saying how awesome it was that me & my mom actually do that. I never really thought anything of it, but now that I DO think of it... it is kinda cool.

Other than the whole Mother's Day thing, I've got a lot to get done today. I felt kinda bad that I couldnt take my mom out, but of course she's going the casino today anyway lol. I'm glad she found something that relaxes her though, that's all that should really matter. And right now, my mom needs ALL the relaxing she can get...

As for me, Martin forgot to buy me a Mother's Day gift and card this year. But its fine, I didnt want anything... really. I mean, I wanted make up but, thats out of the question lol. He has a rule, he wont buy me clothes and he wont buy me make up. Cause to him those are disposeable. He's got a point!

We did have a nice day out in Walnut Creek yesterday though. Nice weather, gelato, walking around and watching a movie. It was nice =).

Thursday, May 7, 2009


I'm suppose to be making video's right now... but I ended up on Twitter, then I ended up plucking my eyebrows cause they needed to be. Ugh, I hate plucking my eyebrows. I use to do it every Monday, when I first had my them threaded to keep that look but then I got lazy and now they're out of control! I have to get them re-threaded but that shit hurts! So I tried plucking some of it so it wont be as painful when I do get them threaded. It's silly that I'm insecure about my eyebrows. But the left one grows funny. Like the end kinda comes up. It's suppose to be some Filipino urban legend that if your eyebrow grows like that you're gonna grow up and be "bad". Whatever, threading that shit! Haha. I dont know if I'll be doing any videos soon, I kinda wanna.... fix that before I do. And of course the boyfriend thinks I'm being silly. But hey, I dont tell him he's being silly for being a work out addict. You do you, I do me. Shiiit lol!

I went to Target yesterday and picked up my first Cover Girl palette. I'll post pictures later, I dont feel like doing it right now. I also got that Revlon ColorStay Mineral Finishing Powder. Gonna try that out. Also got Gardening Mama! Hells yeah! I have all the Cooking Mama games for both DS & Wii.

I'm still tryin to think of a good layout for the site. I'm thinkin of just pickin a song I'm hella feelin right now and making a Chuck & Blair layout or some shit, whatever yah know! I just need to get this shit up & open! I needs to get that foolishxlady one up too, I dont know what I want that to be about. Then I gotta figure out this WordPress plugins stuff... ughh. I shoulda never took a break from all this web stuff. I'm so non computer savvy now too, I cant even get my headset to work! How freakin sad. I need to get back on top of my game! Ughhh. Being lazy is deadly, I'm tellin you! Years just pass and you aint got shit to look back on. It's nuts!

Today's gonna be spent paying bills and splurging a bit, I hope. That's if I find somethin I like. Thinkin of getting some MAC pigments, but I'm sure once I get up close & personal I'll change my mind -- as always.

So a few days ago, my ex boyfriend tell's me he's getting married. I was totally shocked at the news. I mean, I'm happy because he's happy. And I like seeing him happy. But I'd be lying if I said I wasnt a little bummed about it. Why? I dont really know. One of my friends that have been there through our whole story says this is a good thing! Emphasize on the exclamation point lol. She means well, I know she does. Maybe she's right, I can finally close this chapter and put it all behind me. I think its the thought of that... that bums me out. But when I think back on all of it, a lot of our story takes place in high school. Back when I constantly needed saving, and I think it scares me that I need to stop thinking of the past. High school is getting farther and farther away from me and who know's, being 24 could be the BEST year of my life but I'm still hung up over being 17 that I'll miss it.

I'm happy for you CJ. Congrats on your engagement. I'll be getting your soul back to you soon. Parting with it after having it for six years is going to be a little hard, though lol.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


So yesterday was spent at the mall, as usual. Had lunch at that Korean BBQ place at SunValley. They're my when-I-cant-get-to-Todai Udon place. Tried their Gyzoy's since my favorite place changed theirs. I'm still hoping it was an off day. Either way the Korean BBQ place was cheaper and DELICIOUS. I think I'll be going back for more (10 for $5?! HELL YES). Before Martin went to the gym he decided to take all of my credit cards with him. Dammit, what gave him that idea? I was planning on buying some Dior lipgloss. Laaaame. I did end up getting that Bare Minerals Naturally Classic set. I was looking through their eyeshadow/pigments and they look really nice. I'm not a huge BM fan but I'm open to try new products. The lady that was helping me was explaining it and she stops mid sentence and goes "I really like the eye shadow you're wearing is it one of ours?" and I was like "oh... no, its Urban Decay Primer Potion... in Sin" and she was like "oh it looks exactly like ours!" then I wondered if she knew what UDPP was... lol. But I love getting compliments on my makeup, it makes me feel like I'm doing something right. Which is great, considering I dont know what the fuck I'm doing half the time! I intended to read my book while Martin was at the gym (I'm lagging on my books and DVD's list) but I ended up on Twitter, go figure.

We headed to Fry's and I ended up getting the red external hard drive over the pink one. The pink one wasnt my shade of pink. It was cute but too bright. Like a bright baby pink, it might had just been the hard drive finish or the box it was in. Either way, I got my external so I'm happy! Headed to Micheal's (it was raining at this point) and got some beads! And a bead jewelry making book! So yeah, super excited. Hopefully I'll end up learning how to make this stuff...

I was a little discouraged last night. I started making video's on youtube and I know it'll take awhile before I even get good at what I'm doing and even longer to get people to notice me, I get that. But what discourages me is that the people who know me dont even bother checking my stuff out then what about the people who dont know me? I'm totally convinced that I'm just boring. I'm still trying to get over being camera shy and I'm sure once I get over that, I should be fine. I'm also saving up for a Mac Book cause I like the video quality on that more than my camera. And Windows Movie Maker is such a bitch to work with.

If you're interested in checking out my stuff...

I also bought two domains the other day. I'm working on one of them right now, oh how I missed dreamhost! It was such a quick and easy install to get Wordpress into my server. But now I just have to make and code a front page layout. Something I've been out of touch with for so long.... arghh. I'll post up the link when the site is done.

I had a horrible dream last night, it was a bunch of random just creepy circus type of dreams. But the last part of the my dreams was the worst. It was horrible! I want to talk about it, but at the same time, I dont cause I dont want it to come true. I know, I'm so paranoid! I was so scared to go to sleep after that, but I eventually fell back to sleep and had no dreams after that, thank God.

I should probably go back to getting stuff done.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Gloomy day!

It didnt rain today, but it was still pretty gloomy.

I woke up kinda early and did some laundry before Martin woke up. Woke him up before the laundry was done and got ready then went to get him. I was super hungry so he offered to drive (aww). Went to H&R Block to get my tax return check. Waited for like, half an hour! Just to get a check! What the heck! Then went to the bank after chatting with Sammie (who's in Vegas right now!) for awhile. Headed to Concord and had lunch at the Korean BBQ at the mall, mmm Gyozyo's! I totally spelled that wrong and I'm too lazy to look it up lol. I also had Udon soup, yum! Martin had Subway. Boooo, boring! Haha. Walked around a bit and he dropped me off at my usual spot then he headed to the gym... and took all my credit card's with him!!! And left saying "be good" gee, I dont think I have any other choice! LOL. I coulda splurged my $100 I cashed out... but that's for my external hard drive. Lame lol.

Headed to the bakery, got my usual... Turkey Cobb Salad & Soup! They didnt have Chicken Noodle though, so I got the Tomato... boo. Tomato was my favorite before I discovered how comfort-like their Chicken Noodle was lol. I was suppose to be finishing up my book (I'm way behind on my books & DVD's list.... eep!) but I ended up on my sidekick and Twitter most of the time I was there. My ipod is in desperate need to being charged too... ah.

After Martin was done at the gym, we headed to Fry's so I could get my external hard drive (my little tax return splurge) and he could look for his DVD-R's. After that went to Micheal's and I picked up some crystal's and a beading book... I think I'm gonna start making jewelry! There's a cute bead store I saw in Vacaville... might have to check that out!

Just got off Wii with Martin, he came to my Animal Crossing town =D. I told him I was having a hard time with the Wii controls and he was like "I clean for you" so he picked all the weeds out of my town, aww what a sweetie!!! He was makin me giggle every time he'd run passed me and pull out a weed haha.

Tomorrow's gonna be full of making a layout for my site and fixing up my wordpress/flickr/livejournal stuff... yay! It started raining when it got dark, I dont know if its still raining now... but its cold. My feet are freezing!!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Never needed a hand to hold...

Today was probably one of the BEST days of my life. Besides that I'm sick & it was raining. It was one of the best days because my favorite hosting company brought back their promo code!! I know, I'm excited because a HOSTING company brought back a PROMO code. What the fuck, right? For those of you who know me, you know how big I am on web design and graphic design. I've been making webpages since 2001. I was finally hosted by my friend Raquel in 2005 and I finally bought my own domain (that Martin named and I fell in love with it) in 2006. I havent had a domain since then since I kinda fell out of the whole web and graphic design stuff and since they took down the promo code.

I was checking out some other domain companies because the one I'm currently with SUCKS ASS. Their customer service is horrible, you have to go through a million and one folders to get where you need to go, and its such a headache. But at the same time, it disappoints me because the me before woulda been like "Oh YES! Finally a challenge!" and the me now is like "fuuuuuuuuck that!" *sigh*.

Which brings me to another point...

My life changed in 2004, in so many ways I lost count. Like, literally. I hate when people tell me "well at least you have a boyfriend" because I KNOW I work so much better at life WITHOUT one. I do appreciate everything Martin encourages me to do, everything he tries to help me with, everything he learns JUST FOR ME so he can help me and ease my stress. But its so hard for me to deal with that. Its so hard for me to accept someone's help. I'm so use to learning things on my own, to doing things on my own. And you'd think after FIVE YEARS I would change. But I havent. I love that he wants to help me, but its just not the way I work, and I know that.

I miss the me who'd sit here and would design and code literally ALL day and ALL night long. And enjoy every single minute of it. I miss the me who'd take on learning new programs because "I had to". I miss the me who was MOTIVATED enough to do SOMETHING. Who believed she can do ANYTHING at all. I lost that, somewhere. And I cant seem to find it. I cant even find the motivation to blog once a day like I use to. I dont do ANYTHING these days. Nothing that I use to LOVE doing. And it really fuckin upsets me. And I write about this year after year. I make the same resolutions, year after year and year after year I disappoint myself.


Something's been bothering me lately. Something beyond my control. Something that makes me anxious and worried. Something that shouldnt. Something that has to do with a silly fear I cant get over. Something that will stop me from meeting my deadline.

I'm at my breaking point. I'm at my fork in the road. I wished to turn my life around and here it fuckin is. I know what I HAVE to do, but why do I feel so unsure?

Friday, May 1, 2009

You boys spoil me!

Yesterday my favorite ex boyfriend (hes my favorite for a reason, its a long story lol) texted me saying he just passed the biggest Sephora he's ever seen... so the conversation kinda went like this:

Me: Did you buy me anything? Lol
Him: No, I dont even know how to buy makeup! What do you want?
Me: Would you really buy me something? Hahaha.
Him: Yeah.
Me: A gift card!
Him: Alright. We have to come back tomorrow so Lana can buy her dress. I'll get you a gift card =).

Haha. He's the cutest. Even though he HATES that I spend so much damn money on make up because I dont need it and blah blah blah haha. Of course I told Martin, I tell Martin everything haha. And hes like "see guys still like you, you got all these guys buying you things and shit" haha whatever. Its for my birthday loser. But I do have some amazing guy friends. And the friend who bought me the tablet went to Fry's today and asked if I wanted anything awww. Seriously, best guy friends ever.

I have to spend today:
  • Editing videos
  • Updating my 3 blogs
  • Updating my Flickr
  • Uploading my Disneyland pics
  • Cleaning up my room (being a hoarder SUCKS)
  • Watching a movie
I'm determined to watch at least ONE movie today, an hour of doing nothing but laying in bed watching a movie will be good for me..... if I can get to my DVD player... which is where the cleaning my room comes in.

My DVD player is behind the bamboo box. Why I have all that crap there, I have no clue. I always clean it then end up with more crap there than I had before. It's insane.

This whole rescission thing is starting to hit me. I know, I'm SO late. And all this time I've been splurging on MAC and Sephora and shit haha. Myyy bad. Speaking of, I need to find a job/get my website up ASAP. I havent designed anything or coded anything in so long and I always feel like I dont have time to re-learn everything. Which really sucks. Anyway, some things that make me happy during this rescission?

ELF -, now last year when I first started buying random shit from this site (I mean, come on the entire site is $1, you're bound to get carried away), I didnt find anything I liked. Everything I bought & tried, I hated. I have a little train case of ELF stuff that I dont even touch anymore. But then they came out with their Mineral line, I havent really tried anything from it, I have a couple of things from it but I havent tried anything yet. And more recently, they came out with their Studio line. The compacts for the Studio line look exactly like the ones for NARS. Their blush/bronzer duo is suppose to be comparable to NARS Orgasm blush & Laguna or something. The thing I love the most about their Studio line is their brushes. $3 for amazing brushes? I tend to get carried away. And now that I've been using more make up, I really like the $1 Tone Correcting Concealer and the $1 clear mascara.

Wal-Mart - I really hate to admit this. I use to work for them in 2004 and it was the WORST experience of my LIFE. I sworn to never shop at Wal Mart again. Though I do, maybe once a month or once every two months. The thing that sucks is that they're the only place that sells my frozen cheesy broccoli rice! Sucks! I was there yesterday looking for a gaming head set and I went to pick up my cheesy rice. I checked their frozen dinner Banquet section (you know the ones in the red box that are usually $1 or 10/$10, I've been eating these forever, they're so good) since I discovered the premium Banquet meals (which are DELICIOUS) and they had them. Not only did they have the premium ones but their Banquet meals were $.88!!!! YES, $.88 for my favorite delicious frozen dinners! I was SO excited! They also had ones that I havent seen before. Oh Wal-Mart you make it so hard to hate you!

Apparently my mom got a bit excited about this too, when I got home our fridge was PACKED with them LOL.

NYX had their set sales. It was like set 1 had lipgloss and eyeshadow singles, set 2 had liquid eyeliners and double sided pencils, set 3 had 29 false eyelashes, set 4 had lipsticks and eyeshadow trios.... something like that. Anyway, I got set 2 and set 3. For $24 I got 29 false eyelashes & for another $22 I got a crap load of liquid eyeliners and double sided pencils.

Yeah, that's a lot of crap haha. I dont really know how I feel about their liquid eyeliners. Last time I tried to apply it, the tip was too flimsy. NYX is also now having their site blow out sale where the WHOLE site is 50% off. But its 50% off your total not like, every item is 50% off. I bought my stuff from Cherry Culture instead, they're also having the NYX 50% off. Plus everything on the NYX site is pretty much sold out and the sale has only been going on for 3 hours. Nuts.

K, off to get things done!