You stand watching.

I will never leave this part of you, again.

SPiNNiNG: With You Gone by Ryan Cabrera.



Ryan Cabrera reminds me falling asleep on the ferry on late Fall afternoons on the way home from a long day in culinary school. It reminds me of 4AM mornings with Starbucks and chocolate covered donut hole piles, getting dressed in the hallway in front of class room. Of catching the F from Powell to Embarcadero. Of my favorite part of the day -- browsing Miette while waiting for the ferry after school. Of walking up and down hills. Of "hello chef" from the same homeless person I saw on my way to the muni everyday.

Of walking to the bathroom in the middle of cakes class to see my boyfriend sleeping on the bench in the hallway. Stealing a kiss from him before running into the bathroom. And stealing another kiss before running back to class. Of coming home after a tiring day to my boyfriend waiting for me in the garage after walking to my house to get there when I do.

Of the many accomplishments I had in baking and never baking a day in my life. Of being stuck "in the zone" of something I was passionate about and loving every single tired waking moment of it. Of knife accidents, cuts, burns, exploding cakes, water that was way too hot.

Early mornings, late afternoons. Accomplishments. Knocking out on the ferry. Starbucks employee's who knew what I wanted and charged me before I could say a word. My choco covered donuts (which I never found after being in CCA -- 4 years ago, I still crave them!). Sugar, flour, lemon zest... I miss you. I miss that experience. I miss how happy I was (before it was ruined). I'm glad something as simple as a song can take me back to it. I'll never forget it.

Thank you for waking up early with me, for sitting outside my class room for 8 long hours for me, for all your support. I know you STILL think it was the most random choice of my life, but thank you, for believing in me then and now, even though I havent baked in years. One day, you still owe me a kitchenaid =).